By Jeffrey the Barak.
Last week I jumped into bed and put bloodstains on the clean white sheets. I had just shaved my chest and back and had not done a good job of it. My facial shaves have not been going too well either with cuts appearing more regularly than they used to.
Besides the nicks and cuts my skin has been a bit raw and itchy. Despite trying to shave without pressure and at the right angle, the cut-proof cartridges have been drawing blood as much as the double-edged safety razor blades also used on traditional facial shaving days. Upon inspection it turned out that the Dorco cartridges I had been using to save money over pricey Gillettes Fusions were causing these nicks as the blades were becoming unaligned inside the cartridges, but nevertheless a message was sent.
I decided that it was time for my skin to take a vacation from being shaved. However this presented a problem, because my regrowth, particularly on the chest, is like a weapon. My own hair makes it around that first curl and then stabs me to death.
But then I had a flash of inspiration. What if I used argan oil, a hair softening product, to take the deadly pokeyness out of that regrowing body hair?
And shiver me timbers, it actually worked. So now I can use hair clippers to trim, and not shave below the neck. And my facial hair is being lopped off just above the skin with my Braun shaver that has been rescued from the back of a drawer, charged up and put back into service. A week off razors and I feel great.
Prior to this argan oil idea, which would probably also work using beard oil etc., the only way off the shaving train was a painful waxing or a risky chemical hair removal cream. Risky that is because sensitive skin and humid conditions can result in burns from this usually benign product. Following waxing or dissolving, the new growth would have a fine, unshaved tip, that for most people would not be sharp enough to cause irritation.
But with the oil, I can plan on trimming the hair regularly with hair clippers so that it is still there, but not long. And after each trim I can turn that human wire brush into baby hairs using a hair oil, just for a week or two, until the hair ends have finally blunted themselves against my shirts.
I am sure I am not the first to realize that hair oil is the key to comfortably stopping body shaving, but I have never read about it elsewhere, and have seen nothing on YouTube. So if you are also stuck on the shave train, here is a possible way out.
Of course even this may not be enough if your skin is sensitive enough and your hair is course enough. In such cases you will just have to walk around topless for a few weeks while nonchalantly brushing your chest with a soft bristle brush. Maybe no-one will notice. Jury duty be damned.
Or you could just clipper down to #0. It is still not shaving skin.
Update July 2019: No I didn’t. I tried, but despite using argan oil, beard oil and everything else, my chest hairs became like barbs on barbed wire and I had to once again, trim to zero, and be hairless, just to get some relief from the torture of mutant attack hairs.
Jeffrey the Barak has donated chest hair to the barbed wire factory and it has appeared in war zones around the world.