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What will your children say?
By Lauri Jean Crowe
Published January 2001

I’m pretty open about my life in general, not just my sexuality. So I often hear the phrase, “but what will your kids say when they get older?” and “do you want them to know their mommy is a whore?” both of which I answer the same way. First off, I am not a whore. In my thirty-one years of existence I have had no more lovers than I can count on one hand and those have been in loving relationships except for the one-nighter where  I lost my virginity. Second, I hope that I raise my children to be open and honest just as I am. For some this is inconceivable. I mean, you just don’t talk about sex. Period. Much less write about it.

But, I do. I have two male children who are currently one and two years old. Both have budding little penises that will no doubt benefit from some of what I pass on to the next generation through my writings on sex. Perhaps when they are older they will even read my articles and think they have a pretty cool mom. Perhaps the reverse will happen and they will condemn me as a whore as so many others seem to want to when they read what I write. It’s a risk you take, but then so is childbirth which may I remind us all, occurred thanks to sex.

I don’t understand the pseudo-Victorian attitude toward sexuality which crops up so often in the modern day. What precipitated it? Was it the mass love fests of the 60’s and 70’s which in turn where represented in the 80’s by the AIDS scare? Perhaps it had something to do with STD’s and their reported mass spread, which frankly I attribute not so much to a growing spread of disease, but of reports of the actual infections. We have become a much more health conscious society. Does that mean we also have to become more prejudicial against those who would still indulge their basest pleasures even if they do so safely and in the seclusion of a steady relationship? Shouldn’t that be something that is honored? I guess, but only if you don’t tell anyone about it.

I, on the other hand, think people need to know what really happens. This push for abstinence which was so prominent in the news media of the 90’s coupled with the on the hour condom ads was an interesting change to the whole issue of sex. People, teens even, were allowed to talk about not having sex, or choosing sex only with condoms. At least there was some voice to the topic. But the truth is, no matter how scary STD’s are, no matter how scary the thought of a teen pregnancy is people still do the nasty without protection. To me, these people are stupid and they are stupid because they don’t have all the facts or they have diluted ones or mass marketed ones. Perhaps by sharing my personal opinions and experiences I will place some actual knowledge into those heads.

I had a distant cousin who died of AIDS. I watched him go from a thriving, successful photographer who was always bubbly, charming and the life of the party with a v-shape male figure that any model would die for. Within a years time he had shrunken and withered to a shell of a man who you wouldn’t have recognized unless you were there to see the slow process of physical deterioration. The man who had once hugged me, and lifted my six foot one body off the floor he was so robust, now was so slender that I could almost wrap my arms around him twice and was afraid to squeeze when I hugged him. I’ve seen the dangers of unprotected sex first hand, and I don’t take sex lightly or promiscuously.

So, yes, I wonder what my children will say when they read my articles in the future. More than that, I wonder what sort of sexual climate my children will experience in their teens and early adulthood. I hope that as a sexually educated, and even explicit mother I will be able to talk with the openly about issues other parents refer to as simply the “birds and the bees”. I don’t want my boys to grow up like the Jehovah witness girl down the road who told us matter-of-factly one day in middle school on the bus that “the man pees in you and you get a baby” because she was uniformed and her parents wouldn’t talk about sex. I want them to be awake and aware of both the pleasures and the dangers of an active sex life. I want them to know that experimentation is okay if done safely. I want them to know that everyone has a preference, and that unique set of preferences and expressions is part of the human organisms, of an individual person – someone like their mom.

Writer:
Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA. Lauri Jean welcomes feedback at vu-writer@earthlink.net and is seeking serious individuals who wish to be interviewed about all aspects of sexuality.

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