Tag Archives: Relationships

Beauty Divine

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By The Advice Diva

The quest for beauty, age defiance and physical enhancement are at an all time high. The beauty industry, comprised of simple salons to mega-corporate giants, pulls in billions of dollars annually. People are obsessed with making themselves beautiful and more attractive for their own personal satisfaction and so others can see them they want to be seen. Not only do people search for ways to enhance themselves, but they also seek beauty and attraction in other things, most notably a dating partner.

Some people might conclude that canvassing the importance of beauty in the dating world is a bit gratuitous. We all know its out there and it can even be considered nature’s cruelest form of sexual selection. You either have it or you don’t. However, I think it is a poignant topic of consideration whether you are just now entering the dating realm or you have been in it for years and whether you are male or female. Today’s society places heavy weight on good looks in the work place and in social scenes. You can’t escape it and you can not deny it. Amidst growing liberties, democracy, the abolition of racial and religious oppression and the rising demand for an open mind one would naturally assume that our advanced culture would not treat certain individuals better simply because of advantageous genetic facial features. But we all know that this is the furthest from the truth. We see it every day.

Doctor Nancy Etcoff, a faculty member of Harvard University and a psychologist at Massachusetts General Hospital, has beautifully illustrated the ageless hunt for beauty in her book Survival of the Prettiest. I was enthralled with the hundreds of references throughout history Dr. Etcoff found and adapted to the importance of beauty. One of the most interesting ones involved Eleanor Roosevelt. When asked if she had any regrets she remarked that she only wished she had been prettier. To hear a statement such as this coming from a heroine to women everywhere, it makes one want to examine why and how being beautiful or handsome plays such a dubious role in our every day lives. As Dr. Etcoff examines this very thought further in her book, I think it would be best if we just accept our idealistic qualities and move on to facing them.

When it comes down to selecting new single men and women we choose to date, our very first assessment of the potential mate is based on looks. Most people will say that they are looking for more profound qualities such as character, motivation, sensitivity, a commonality in activities, beliefs and a sense of humor and that looks, although important, are not at the top of the list. Of course everyone wants to feel as if he or she had more noble intents in mind. And although this may be true, nature tends to sway our first choice. Psychological tests upon tests show that we all gravitate towards the more attractive person at first. This is not something that we can readily help, nor can we consider it malevolent behavior. It is simply programmed into us from commercials, magazine ads, celebrities and more. It is a learned responsive behavior. While not everyone looks like Naomi Campbell or Brad Pitt and there are only a few genetic anomalies in this world who apparently represent what we all should look like, we can all take steps and measures to improve the way we look and how we appear to others. It is the very first rule in dating!

The first person you need to impress is yourself. When you look good you feel good. Take advantage of what modern science has created in the field of beauty. From getting the basic proper shampoo and conditioner for you hair to hair regrowth products and surgery, from makeup to enhance your features to elective surgery for more dramatic effects. Your wardrobe should be a priority issue as well. If you are still showing up at the door to pick up your date in those same ripped jeans you have had since the 1980′s, think about a complete wardrobe overhaul. Getting in shape is an absolute must. Not only does it show that you care about your body, it is essential for your health and it will help you to feel great physically and emotionally. The better you feel about yourself, the more confident you will appear. And confidence is a very sexy and appealing part of your overall appearance.

In her book Dr. Etcoff assumes that people, mostly men, are more attracted to beautiful people for short term relationships while beauty is less important when seeking a committed relationship. However, it is that attractive quality of sex appeal which will get you in the door. When you are just getting to know people for dating purposes such as with the use of online dating resources, your appearance is going to be one of the most compelling forces in attracting dates. Everyone wants someone to fall in love with them for the right reasons, but you can’t change basic human instinct and the natural affinity for beauty. You don’t have to be the most beautiful or most handsome person in the room, but you can take the time and effort to look the best you possibly can.

Copyright 2005 by Advice Through Experience. For more information visit

http://www.advicediva.com

For questions and comments contact The Advice Diva at: thediva@advicediva.com Please visit www.advicediva.com for more articles by the Diva

Tick Tock Goes the Love Clock

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By The Advice Diva

You wake up in the morning, still tired from staying up too late the night before, and hit snooze about seventeen times before stumbling into the shower. By the time you start rinsing the shampoo out of your stinging eyes you are already thinking about everything you have to do today. You put your makeup on in the car and get to work late as usual in desperate need of a caffeine fix, do errands at lunch, pick up your dry cleaning before the store closes after what is most likely another late day in the office, make time for tanning and an hour at the gym, and get home to a house you have to clean.

Every day is almost the same, you are busting your hump trying to get this and that done while your list of errands keeps growing. And thanks to living in an exponentially growing population in an overpopulated city you spend an obnoxious amount of time in the car giving you more time to think about everything you still need to do. By the time you get home each day, you clean a little, shovel your special diet food that you ordered online (who has time to actually shop in a store and leisurely browse anymore?) which costs a small fortune and tastes like chicken feed and crawl into bed. Then you stay up late with your mind like a maelstrom worrying about everything you did not get accomplished. When does anyone have time for a relationship?

People who live and work in the city without a significant other or children are always on the go. You might think that a single man or woman lives the life of leisure: no obligations, no pressure, just complete freedom. And I suppose that there are plenty of single men and women who just stroll home after work, order pizza and plant their tushes on the couch to watch their usual prime time television line up. But these are the people whose tushes are the same size as the couch. Hey, no ambition, no life. However, these days our lives are getting busier and busier for most people. There is so much for us to do every day. Even the singlets of this world are screaming for more time. I seriously wonder how people are able to raise children today. I know I barely have time for nookie at the end of the day.

Perhaps it is because many people living in the city go through several stages of social behaviors and desires in their lives. At first we are the struggling young professionals straight out of college, accepting a bottom of the food chain job and struggling on a $20K salary. These were the days of buying raman noodles in bulk and picking up a bartending job in the evenings. You can’t even afford to date at this age. And if you could, when would you have time? Finally you get a better paying job and you move up in the business world. But now you have entered a whole new social world. You are financially able to drop the second job, get some new digs without holes in the seams and start enjoying the night scene with everyone else.

Swiftly you discover the beau monde and your life is consumed with keeping up to date with all of the latest trends, making sure you look perfect in every way and of course making sure everyone thinks you are the “it” guy or girl. How can you possibly start a relationship now? He or she might actually find out that your not fabulous. Besides, it is much more hip to have a new fling every week. This is the period of our lives where we are all poseurs. After a few years of fun and reckless behavior, you get promoted to a more prominent position in the business world. Now you realize your responsibility and you may even take it seriously. Your life might change, but your busy schedule does not. It just gets worse.

When you actually get involved in that serious relationship, you must devote time to it. To do so, you have to give up things that you don’t necessarily want to give up. I always believed that we work so that we can have time. We buy time. We work so that we are able to luxuriate in vacations with our loved ones and so we can buy expensive lingerie to keep the spark alive. But instead of spending as much time as we can with our sweethearts, we end up spending our time washing the car, burning the flab in Pilates class, picking up the cat food and cursing the poor slob who broke down in the middle of a one lane road during rush hour.

We are so greedy and obsessed with our appearance and materialistic needs that we find it difficult to give our own time, our most precious commodity, to someone else. Then again, when we daydream about the kind of future life we want, we envision a life surrounded by family and friends, a house in the burbs, a loving spouse and children and spending the days at home being independently wealthy. We see ourselves doing what we really want and need: spending time in the arms of our darlings.

For questions and comments contact The Advice Diva at: thediva@advicediva.com Please visit www.advicediva.com for more articles by the Diva

Psycho or Jealous?

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By The Advice Diva

There are very few articles and resources addressing the topic of jealousy. I have come to the conclusion that this is merely because people don’t know what stance to take on the situation. Everyone has been on both sides of the fence. Most of us have experienced a jealous lover and many of us have been in a relationship where we curiously find ourselves being insecure and jealous by nature. On one hand you want to condemn the abhorrent behavior exhibited by jealous partners while on the other hand you might be able to sympathize. I have decided to courageously announce my decided opinion. Jealousy is just another euphemism for psychotic behavior.

Without going too far into the psychology of jealousy, you should understand that jealousy is not an innate feeling that we are all born with; rather it is a learned response that people have developed over time to deal with certain situations. We all have the ability to feel anguish and emotional sorrow, and jealousy is one way we cope with these feelings. Jealousy can rear its ugly green head at any time. You never know what will set it off. Some people can be completely at ease with one lover and insanely jealous with another lover. People have the potential to get jealous for a multitude of reasons. They might have low self esteem, have been rejected or betrayed in the past or feel insecure about their body or looks to name a few.

I would venture to say that a small amount of jealousy in any relationship is normal. It might even be considered a good thing because it shows that deep emotions are tied to this relationship. But jealousy should not be confused as a sign of love. Severe jealousy is the exact opposite of love. Emma Goldman, an early 20th century writer, claimed that Its (jealousy) one desire is to punish, and to punish as severely as possible. She was very right. There are obvious big, bright and bold lines that are crossed all too often. You have probably dated one of these line crossers; I have dated more than enough. This is when jealousy becomes apparent psychotic behavior. Your lover begins to assume that you are cheating on some level or another and you are being dishonest almost every day. Soon you get to the point where that person is doing a stake out of your home, following you around like a private eye, breaking into your email accounts, slashing your tires and smearing chocolate cake on your door (Yes, someone actually smeared cake on my door in a jealous rage). When you get to the point where you can not even say one word to a member of the opposite sex at a party because you fear the inevitable wrath which will follow from your lover when you get home, your relationship is in jeopardy.

When people exhibit these jealous rages, they are only destroying the relationship they are trying to save. People use jealousy as a legitimate weapon of defense to protect what is rightfully theirs. Jealousy attempts to prevent the annihilation of love, but it only helps it along. Experiencing these jealous rages will also further lower your self respect because it causes you to stoop to the lowest of acts. It destroys more than just the relationship. Jealousy is invariably a one-sided, bigoted accuser, convinced of his own righteousness and the meanness, cruelty and guilt of his victim. Although the jealous person wants to keep the relationship intact, the intentions of showing these acts of jealousy are to maliciously hurt the other person. Obviously, these uncontrollable acts used to salvage the relationship do not work. They only cause the other person to retaliate in disgust making the situation even worse.

So how do you deal with jealousy? That is the big question. For the insanely jealous person, the best thing you can do is recognize that your jealousy may be unfounded and then open the lines of communication. Instead of brooding on thoughts of infidelity, simply tell your lover how you are feeling as soon as you start feeling that way. You should have these feelings immediately put to ease when he or she calms your heart. You also need to stop trying to forcibly fuse your relationship into one being. The best relationships are created through the bonding of two separate individuals. If you are dealing with a jealous person whom you want to stay with and love, then you are going to have to learn not to get drawn in to these petty jealousy arguments, do not retaliate, do not take any blame, do not let the freak outs get to you when they occur and do not assume that he or she will change any time soon. To help get rid of jealous behavior you must leave all of your doors open. Meaning, you must not keep anything hidden or locked away for your love to get suspicious or distrusting over. Couples therapy, although expensive, is a viable option.

For questions and comments contact The Advice Diva at: thediva@advicediva.com Please visit www.advicediva.com for more articles by the Diva

The Victims of Fame

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By The Advice Diva

We all have the capacity to fall for the allures of fame and fortune. Elevated from the innocent hopes of the American Dream stands the illusion of immortality which accompanies the lofty aspirations for money, power and fame. Unfortunately, fame can play a devastating role in relationships. At first, the American sucker feels the beginning euphoric effects stemming from a little bit of notoriety or large cash profits. It acts like a drug seeping deep into the veins and covering the heart and brain. After that, he only wants more. Once he, or she for that matter, has tasted the splendors of fame, he will stop at nothing to get more and to be on top. Nothing will get in his way and he is willing to sacrifice anything or anyone. The desire for recognition is so powerful that it can drive some people into depression, drugs and even insane asylums. This kind of behavior is perfectly exhibited in Hollywood as well as in mainstream corporate America and the political forum.

There are always numerous victims on any one person’s jaunt to fame. The two most important are the ones they love and themselves. They, themselves, become victim to their own lust because they happen to forget who they really are and what they really want in life. They are blinded by the riches they can have immediately and their priorities change. Infamy has shown its toll on many superstars such as Madonna. Years after she published the dirtiest coffee table book in America she was found distancing herself from the book and desiring children. So fervent was her desire to have children and a normal relationship, values which have escaped her in the past, that she actually did end up with children and managed to write a children’s book. Even with her passion for infamy there was still a side of her that sought after that conventional life with good old-fashioned values. Her return to normalcy was short-lived after her romantic kiss with Britney Spears shocked the world. Again, Madonna was clamoring for the attention from the spotlight.

The people they love are the next victims on the list. When people have money, power and fame they can buy just about anything. They can buy people, women and sex. We have seen many instances when the suddenly famous man leaves his wife of twenty years to have an elite affair with a six foot tall blond from Sweden. That story has been told since the birth of Hollywood. The fact that the powerful always seem to fall into the arms of steamy extramarital affairs is because power makes the impressionable person feel as if he can do whatever he wants. Moreover, his old values of family and home have become superseded by the overwhelming desire to achieve. Because power and success is always measured by comparison to another, it is never fully achieved and therefore a vicious cycle is created.

The sequence begins with the rich and powerful frequenting a few gentlemen’s clubs, unbeknownst to the spouse at home. It seems innocent enough. But soon, the excitement of the clubs is not enough and perhaps more money is exchanged for some sensual play. Eventually, that becomes not enough as well. From there we move on to affairs and divorces. The increasing strength and aspirations of the powerful cause him to keep searching for the BBD (bigger better deal). However, because there will always be a BBD somewhere, that person will never really be satisfied. This is why it becomes important to understand how fame and fortune affects relationships.

The problem lies with losing sight of who you really are and your values, especially concerning the relationships you have with loved ones, because you may have become obsessed with having more and more. It is honorable for people to want to achieve and have high standards. Those high standards are what make this country so fabulous. But come on back down to earth. There is no need to stomp on the little people, and a bleach blonde model thirty years younger can only look so good for so long. The relationships you are in now with loved ones are the ones that have helped you on your way to great success. In the end, they will be all you will ever need to maintain lifelong happiness.

For questions and comments contact The Advice Diva at: thediva@advicediva.com Please visit www.advicediva.com for more articles by the Diva

Taking Action

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By Rinatta Paries
Published December 2001

“Right” action defined:

Taking the right action is what feels right according to your own heart and intuition-not anyone else’s standards. To distinguish the right action from a “should,” use the following rule of thumb: a should may feel dull, certainly unexciting. The right action, according to your heart, always feels freeing and energizing.

Have you ever really wanted something, identified what to do in order to get it, and yet never took the necessary action? This happens to all of us occasionally-whether trying to lose weight, better manage finances, improve relationships, etc.

When it comes to taking action, people are often held back from progress by a number of myths. Take a look at the following six myths to see if any are barriers to your progress, and learn how you can get past them to move forward in your life.

Myth 1:
Simply thinking about the right action will magically create change

Some people get stuck in the thinking stage and mistake it for action. It is a fallacy that keeping the thoughts alive will automatically accomplish the goal. Discover the right action and take it.

Example: Mary spends a lot of time thinking and trying to figure out all aspects of her troubled relationship. She is still thinking, and still in a troubled relationship.

On the contrary, Susan enrolled in a seminar to learn communication skills and applies them on an ongoing basis. Her relationship has greatly improved as a result.

Myth 2:
Discussing a problem will be enough to create the solution

While it’s true that discussing a problem is an important step in discovering the right action, it is not a substitute for action. You must take action in order to create change.

Example: John spends a lot of time complaining to everyone about his troubled relationship. He loves getting everyone’s opinion. Some ideas sound good, but he has not taken any action to change his situation.

Peter, on the other hand, hired a coach to find out how to improve his relationship. He has worked out an action plan for his relationship and personal growth. He is consistently taking action steps in both areas and getting great results.

Myth 3:
Knowing the right action is enough to get the result

Knowing what you should do is great. But it is only one of the steps. Take action to get results.

Example:  Rebecca is very knowledgeable about relationships and personal growth. Unfortunately, she does not apply the information she knows and her relationships do not last. She is reading more books, hoping that change will happen soon.

Lori was having trouble in her marriage. She read books, contacted a coach and a therapist. She got herself and her husband involved in couples’ work. They apply what they have learned consistently. Their marriage has greatly improved.

Myth 4:
Personal and relationship growth takes a lot of time

It is true that personal work and growth take time. But it does not take a huge amount of time. Right action, such as communicating, journaling, and writing letters, could take as little as 15 to 30 minutes a day. Find the right action and take it.

Example:  Betty realizes that if she were to write her feelings in a journal, she would be able to express the anger she feels toward her ex lover. But she thinks it would take a lot of time that she doesn’t have.

Jennifer takes 30 minutes each day to journal. In the past three months she has written letters to her ex-boyfriends. She does not intend to send them, but they help her to feel complete. She feels lighter and much less angry.

Myth 5:
There is a magic cure

Sometimes we resist doing what it takes to get where we want to go. We look for the magic formula, or the magic person to make it all better. It would be less painful to take the action in front of us, no matter how difficult it seems.

Example:  Jim goes from one workshop to another in search of the key to his relationship woes. He reads lots of books on relationships. He does not apply much of what he reads and spends his time at the workshops telling people how much he already knows. He is still unhappy.

Don, having done some work with a therapist and then a coach, finally realized he would have to trust a woman in a relationship if he is to have the family he dreams of. He has faced his fears about trusting a woman and is now happily married.

Myth 6:
Doing the right action on occasion is enough

If you only take right action occasionally you will reap slight or no benefits. Only when you consistently take the right action will you get to the results you want.

Example:  Andrew knows by focusing on his partner at least once a day for a few minutes his relationship becomes much more satisfactory. Often, he just doesn’t feel like it. Sometimes his relationship is great. Sometimes it is a struggle.

Alex has agreed with his partner to give her some undivided attention every day. When he does, she feels loved and is supportive and loving toward him. He has done it consistently 95% of the time. His partner now deals well with the few times he can’t focus on her. The overall quality of the relationship has greatly improved.

Do what you know must be done to create the life and relationships you want now!

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries


(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002     This article was originally published by Rinatta Paries in the Relationship Coach Newsletter, one of many relationship resources found at www.WhatItTakes.com. Other highlights include relationship advice, quizzes, relationship coaching and classes. Become a True Love Magnet(TM)!

Chat Me Up, Baby!

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By S.D. Craig

What has the big bad world of the internet done?  Oh my goodness. The world where you can meet a future spouse online. I tripped into IRC one day in June, 1996, unaware what a chat program was.  Interesting concept, this chatting by myself in a room on a chair in front of a screen.  But what’s this you say?  I’m chatting with other people doing the same?  Wow.  Okay.  As time progressed, I began to fall in with the regulars, and understand a bit about the whole process.

You could be whomever you wanted to be online. You could be female, five foot two and black, and tell the other chatter you were a six-foot white male. You could drive a BMW, instead of a tuna boat. Very interesting.

I am here to address the untruths about the untruths on chat programs. When you are on a computer, you can lie, cheat, steal, plagiarize, be an idiot, or start flame wars until God swoops down to get you. First timers on chat are appalled at some of the things that can go on.  Don’t be naive.  There are idiots everywhere in the world.  Even on your computer.  Yes, even in your church.  The good news?  They can’t get to you unless you’re being a naive fool.

My confusion with the entire uproar of the past few years over internet meetings between friends is simple. What is so very different about it? Yes, the concept is uniquely new.  I’ll give you that. Having met my husband in a most innocent way on this chat program, I do feel I should explain to the non-chatters out there. It’s my duty.

On the internet you will have opportunities to meet people.  It is up to you to use your common sense. If you lack in this area, then have a few good friends help you out with their feedback. I say friends because families see red when it comes to these things. Trust me, I know. What I enjoyed about the idea of internet meetings was not the blind-date thing, but that I could do it on my own terms.  I could chat with a guy a year (or two) before I allowed him to come meet me.  This would, of course, weed out the ones who weren’t interested in the real me.  I could use a fake name, nickname, or whatever.  Tell him I lived in Arkansas when I’m in Utah.  There are any number of things an enterprising single person can do.  It just takes some reality checks, and a reasonably sane person.

You can meet a man in a bar claiming to be single with a wedding band in his pocket, can’t you?  What makes that any less risky?  I’d say it was a lot riskier.

If you arrange an internet meeting, do it where you are comfortable. Before this happens, I’d advise knowing this person’s numbers both at work and home, and verifying they work.  Knowing where he/she works, lives, their real name.  Make sure they know your sister or friend knows all the information, too. Have a friend, if you’re nervous, meet there with you, or spy from the sidelines.  Whatever makes it work for you. I’ve met a few people at a time before, and we’ve gone dancing and it was great. You can exchange photos on the internet. If someone thinks to send you a Meg Ryan or Brad Pitt look-alike photo — well, the truth can’t be hidden upon meeting, now, can it? Also, I suggest for your ease, try to meet them in a channel listed for your area, i.e. #California if that’s where you live.  Just ask around in the chat program channels, if you’re not sure how to do this.

Huge phone bills and that whole long-distance thing is NO fun.  But I’ve known people that were in New Zealand to hook up with a New Yorker. Anything can happen on the internet. Once you’ve met or even talked on the phone, the chat thing doesn’t seem the same as before. If you’re two thousand miles apart, it can suffice. I know that, too.

My main concern is that with the ease of using the chat programs and the thousands that are out there, I just hope that you’ll use some savvy in your dealings.

I know for me, approaching middle-age and being thrown into the single world once again, I had no idea how or where to date.  Most of my friends were married or tied down.  I lived in a small country town. You get the picture. IRC opened up a whole new world of people to me, and if you’re a writer, you can do real well on there. You’ll be noticed and make friends quickly.

It’s up to you how to cultivate that scenario.  Just be safe.

SD Craig is a freelance writer and editor of LovingYourCurves.com and was given the nickname “Chatterbox” by fellow writers. At age fifty, Craigs Southern flair and sense of humor give her plenty to write about with a rapier wit and a wacky outlook. Her articles on body image (her biggest passion), marriage/divorce and relationships, family, friends, career issues, computers, the Internet, horses, baseball, movie reviews and writing tips remind one of Erma Bombeck or Dave Barry. A freelance writer who once juggled five columns then got real, Craig welcomes your e-mails and feedback on her articles. Drop her a hello at sdcraig922@yahoo.com or stop by www.lovingyourcurves.com.

How Many Men Does One Woman Need?

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By S.D. Craig

I can speak from experience, and oh, how I’ve learned, about men in my life.  And men in other women’s lives, too.  That’s not to say I typecast men in general, but there are a few things about both sexes that just fall into place just about every time.  You can count on it.

Men may often talk about or wonder about what women really need.  And if they ever got brave enough to ask us, we may or may not tell them the truth.  Some women like mysterious.  They like to be mysterious.  I truly think there’s a bit of good in the fact that men don’t always know what we’re going to do next.  It keeps them on their toes.

My Mom, to this day, still delightfully surprises my Dad.  She’s such a package of energy, femininity, spirit, brains and talent – I can’t believe it.  Fact is, neither can he.  He still looks over at Mom as if he has no idea how he bagged that one, ya know?  I hear him chuckle as he relates the “new crazy thing Mom did on the golf course today,” golf being his world that he invites her into once in a little bitty while.  He might be busy laughing over the new ways she finds to trip and fall, whether walking or on her bike.  She turned sixty-nine yesterday and I still can’t keep up with her.  But this story is about men.  Males.  Masculinity.  The stronger sex.  The ones who make more money (though that’s ’another argument).

Wanting is not the same as getting and I’m a practical woman.  We all want a Mel Gibson, a Brad Pitt, a Harrison Ford, no?  But what we get is something between there and the slob in the Lazy Boy stuffing Cheetos and beer down, hollering like a lunatic at the 49ers on TV, belly peeking out under the old white T-shirt, socks hanging off the end of his toes.

Don’t get me wrong.  We truly want a real man.  But he needs a few things to fulfill our needs, doesn’t he?  How many men does it take to please one woman?  And can he be a combo of these or does she need separate men for her to be happy?  Good questions.  Thank you.

A woman should begin life with a father and for all of you who didn’t have much in the way of this in your lives, I apologize.  It’s unforgivable.  A female needs a manly man to look up to, or even a softhearted one who cries over movies with her.  It doesn’t matter.  A fatherly figure stands a woman in good stead from diapers and pigtails through dating, marriage and sometimes, even divorce.  A daddy is a good thing.  Sugar daddies were invented for a reason.

There’s a definite need for a handyman in a lady’s life.  A mechanic is nice, also, but not entirely necessary, though a two for one deal here is a real plus.  When she’s knee-deep in filthy sink water, it’s nice to know Mr. Fix-It is just a few feet away on that Lazy Boy.  When that SUV tank breaks down, it’s great to have a guy whose nails aren’t perfect and manicured looking under that hood with some know-how in his eyes.

A sex God?  You’ve seen those nude statues in downtown areas or parks, of the man sculpted to beat all.  Whoa.  Oh yes, a woman needs a man to make her feel like a woman.  That’s not to mean she can’t be a woman without a man, not at all.  But when it comes to the bedroom sports (or wherever you take them in), he’s got to know how to make her purr, push her buttons, stroke her skin.  Don’t forget her hair, nothing’s sexier than a man brushing a woman’s hair (and if they’re both naked, it’s even better).  Romance her, do little things that will be remembered forever.  Men think women aren’t interested in sex.  Don’t you listen to those silly voices in your heads, honey.  If you know what you’re doing, your woman will be interested in about as much romp time (or more) than you can handle.  Uh huh.  Tenderness, appreciation, affection and attention.  What aphrodisiacs.

Earning a living does fall somewhere in the things that makes a woman happy, but a man with his finger on his wallet or the check at dinner makes us smile.  Oh, doesn’t it though?  This going dutch stuff went out long ago, in a Southern woman’s opinion.  Nothing’s better than knowing our man can handle things come fire, flood or famine — famine being the one where he can afford to take us out to dinner every Friday night for the rest of our born days.  We want jewelry and candy and flowers and all that.  Don’t kid yourself we’re satisfied with less.  This doesn’t make a woman materialistic, just feeling like she’s taken care of.

A communicator is high on a woman’s list, a man to talk to and who can hold up the end of a decent conversation.  In with this falls the great listener, too.  Can he repeat back to you everything you say?  Once in a while, I stop in the midst of regaling some tale to Bob and ask him what I’ve just said.  Just checking.  Almost always, he can repeat it to me but I’ve caught him a time or two with no idea what I was saying.  Talk and listen.  Both key words in any relationship, whether it’s with your woman, your children or your parents.  Nobody likes someone who is bent on discussing themselves non-stop.

Along those same lines, let’s add to that a man with a wonderful sense of humor, which includes being able to laugh at himself and not just others.  We don’t need Jim Carrey here, but we don’t want a sourpuss face or a grump to live with.  Humor should be spontaneous, should come often, and let laughter bubble up in your lives more often than it doesn’t.  It’s a fabulous thing, laughter, especially when shared.  I know, I know.  I do laugh out loud at times and I’m completely alone.  So, what’s your point?

Now, I add this one as a personal suggestion.  A woman wants her man to be a good, safe driver.  Thank you for letting me say that.  Not a tailgater, not Parnelli Jones on the interstate, just a plain old “get-me-where-I-wanna-go” kind of man.

Let me say I’m not limiting this list to the above characteristics nor saying all these men can be put into one body.  But we can hope, can’t we?

This is, after all, the new millennium.

SD Craig is a freelance writer and editor of LovingYourCurves.com and was given the nickname “Chatterbox” by fellow writers. At age fifty, Craigs Southern flair and sense of humor give her plenty to write about with a rapier wit and a wacky outlook. Her articles on body image (her biggest passion), marriage/divorce and relationships, family, friends, career issues, computers, the Internet, horses, baseball, movie reviews and writing tips remind one of Erma Bombeck or Dave Barry. A freelance writer who once juggled five columns then got real, Craig welcomes your e-mails and feedback on her articles. Drop her a hello at sdcraig922@yahoo.com or stop by www.lovingyourcurves.com.