Becoming Un-Gorilla – Finding the best razor for body shaving

A hairy man’s transformation into a smooth modern man.
By Jeffrey the Barak

I was born in 1957, which means I was in my teens to thirties in an era when hairy men were considered normal and even sexy. But these are smooth times, and the social norm for attractiveness no longer includes a built in fur coat.

The first time I did something about it, I made my chest hair shorter with clippers, and the resulting short sharp curly hair made my life a misery. I repeated the same mistake three times.

On the third time, whilst pulling my tee-shirt out in agony, I ran for a waxing salon for some relief, and promptly experienced intensely painful chest waxing, then got infected. Folliculitis. More agony, which only cleared up with anti-biotics.

Then I suffered through the regrowth and stayed hairy again, until one day I realized I was gray and hairy, and I felt too young to be the Old Silverback Gorilla.

So began my commitment to staying shaved.

First I tried electric hair clippers, but my short stubble is as thick as cable and I felt like a porcupine. So I tried a rotary (Philips-Norelco) shaver. It worked, for a day or two at a time, but it took a very long time to get the whole body to be hair-free, and the soft skin areas of the body were very sensitive to all that electric hacking.

So then it was a (Braun) foil shaver. Those are quite good for facial beards, but next to useless on the body, as they pass right over softer longer hairs without cutting them at all.

So into the shower I ventured and there I remain. Wet shaving a body is much faster and easier than using anything electric.

My first razor for this almost daily job was the Schick (Wilkinson Sword) Quattro, and I have to say it did a good job. The best thing about a Quattro is it is almost completely impossible to nick the skin with it, no matter where you shave.

The worst thing about the Quattro is that the big fat heavy handle won’t stay inside a Razorba, which is a long bent plastic handle designed to help you shave your back without help.

So one day, a year into the era of the Gillette Fusion, I picked up a Gillette Mach 3. This is the most acclaimed razor ever, and still the market leader, despite Gillette’s attempts to evolve further, driven by their expired patent and the threat of generic blades taking over their market.

Like the Quattro, the Mach 3 makes it very hard for one to draw blood. The cartridge itself keeps the lethal steel from digging in. Back in the Gillette G2/Sensor/Atra twin-blade days, the cartridge did not offer such protection and I remember those old Sensor Excels cut me just as easily as a twin edged safety razor (which I happily use from time to time on my face if I feel like a slow, careful, traditional shave that contributes no plastic to a landfill and requires no store clerk to unlock a security case to release the shoplifter’s favorite pricy booty).

But the truth is obvious. The single, traditional, economical, environmentally friendly, razor blade does not and can not shave as closely or as safely as a complicated, expensive, plastic and steel, modern cartridge head from Gillette or Schick.

The Mach 3 shaved my face slightly better then the Quattro, but it shaved my body many times better. I think the blades in the Quattro are too close together for effective body shaving, and the Mach 3 took away absolutely all the hair in one pass, whereas the Quattro always left something behind and got jammed up with stiff curly body hair that stayed between the blades even when rinsed under a large bath faucet.

For this reason, I won’t even be trying the new Gillette Fusion, because that has five little blades that are so close together, it makes the Mach 3 look like Venetian blinds.

And I also won’t be buying any vibrating razors, as a steady hand is the goal, and since Gillette is the same company as Duracell, and Schick is the same company as Energizer, it’s obviously just a way to sell batteries and more new razor handles. Gillette already got into legal trouble for false advertising claims regarding what a vibrating razor can actually do.

Gillette says their Fusion razor was tested on 9,000 men, who compared it to the Mach 3 and the Schick Quattro. They apparently preferred Fusion by a 2-to-1 margin, but that was for beard and moustache hair, not chest and genital hair.

But wait a minute. I have been overlooking the obvious. The Mach 3 is a facial razor, and I’m shaving my gorilla body. The ladies version is the Gillette Venus. The same three blades, but with more rubber fins to stretch the skin and set into a nice oval chassis, designed to protect those beautiful female legs.

So time to hit the shower and pop one of my wife’s Gillette Venus cartridges onto my Mach 3 handle. (All Mach 3, Mach 3 Turbo, M3 Power, Venus and Vibrance cartridges etc. fit each other’s handles)

So now it’s between Mach 3 and Venus. The ultimate anti-Gorilla test. Not a hair shall remain from sideburns to toes. (Yes it does include all those places, I said not a hair).

My left side, including half a chest, a shoulder, half a back, an arm, a hand, half a tummy, a testicle, half a penis, a hip, one side of an anus, a leg and a foot will be the Venus test bed, and the right side gets the Mach 3 treatment.

Now anyone who is awake should realize that all of the weak foams and toxic chemical gels that we are supposed to buy in aerosol cans are clearly terrible for shaving. And similarly, the so-called lubricating strips glued to all of these modern cartridge razors are an obvious scam as well.

So I lather up (a section at a time) with a good shaving brush and some amber glycerin shave soap, and out come the razors.

As with any shave, to avoid irritation, I do not repeatedly go over any area that I’ve already scraped the lather from. And I do not press the cartridge into the skin. Just a quick light shave once over everywhere in one direction.

And the winner is: Mach 3

Why? Well the Venus did seem better than the Mach 3 in concave areas such as armpits, belly button etc. but otherwise, the larger head was unwieldy, the rubber fins did not improve the shave and overall, the Venus side of the chest exhibited more post-shave redness than the Mach 3 side of the chest.

So guys, if you are a Gorilla like me, and you want to pretend to be human like those male models, you know what to do. Here is a shopping list:

• One Gillette Mach 3 or Venus razor and as many Mach 3 cartridges as you can find on eBay for a fraction of retail.
• A high quality cake of shaving soap.
• The best shaving brush you can afford, (It will last as long as you live).
• A shaving mug.
• And a Razorba handle for your unreachable back areas.

Then enjoy a smooth life and marvel at how quickly you can get dry after a shower, with only one towel!

Disclosure: I’m not affiliated with Gillette or Razorba. I’m just a hairy bastard, er, I mean gorilla.

Jeffrey the Barak is the publisher of the-vu

Total Body Shaving Guide

By Margarita Dominguez

Margarita Dominguez wrote Hair-B-Gone a year ago, and it raised an Internet storm which helped to put the-vu on the big hit list. Now she’s back with a much-requested treatment of a subject that is driving people nuts all over the world, Body Shaving!

Okay, so I’m writing this article for the-vu, but I am personally more of a waxing kind of gal. Shaving is not my thing because it has to be repeated so frequently.

But two things have made me write this guide,

I have received a lot of feedback, via the-vu, from people who have had adverse reactions to waxing. These people have expressed a strong interest in reading a helpful guide to shaving the body.

Jeffrey the Barak, the-vu’s publisher, has informed me that enough people have hit Hair-B-Gone to populate a small country. Hair-B-Gone has been more popular than most books in Barnes and Noble.

So let’s all get wet, lather up and get out our razors for an exciting trip into the world of body shaving.

Why do people want to shave their bodies?

It’s mostly about sex! But also hairy men with good figures and good muscle tone want to show it off by removing their fuzz, oiling up and posing for their admirers and lovers.

Also, the waxing technique that I recommended so highly in Hair-B-Gone just isn’t for everyone. It hurts too much for many folks and many more are prone to contracting folliculitis (infected hair follicles) following a wax job.

Then there is the aspect of the shaving procedure itself. Whilst waxing is endured or tolerated for its end result, it is apparent that people enjoy shaving their bodies. It can be a sexual experience in itself, whether done alone, or performed upon a partner. There are many men’s magazines featuring women being shaved and women who are already shaved, and in the male gay community, mutual shaving is a common form of sexual foreplay.

When asked about hair removal, adult movie performers generally say they go for shaving over waxing for the maintenance of a hair free look. If they wax, and they are waiting for a long enough re-growth for the next waxing, it can interfere with their readiness to work.

About the research for this article! Hold on to your hats!

It would have been irresponsible of me to make this stuff up and have it published on the Internet so I decided to do some serious research and experimentation. For my research I assembled the following ingredients:

* My boyfriend
* Some razors and shaving gel
* And an outgoing male gay couple!

I used my boyfriend as a laboratory. He was hairy and now he isn’t! Lucky for him he was able to have his chest shaved without getting a rash or folliculitis from the re-growth. I have to admit I liked the feel of a naked shaved man, but I have to warn you that any flab or lack of tone around the middle looks much worse without hair to disguise it!

I actually preferred him before the shave, so I broke up with him and kicked him out. I can be brutal sometimes! Actually I’m only kidding, there was another reason to get rid of that guy! Enough said.

The gay couple came in handy to explain the appeal of the shaving act itself. My funny friends shave each other three to four times weekly and they say it always leads to sex. Aside from the mutual shave being practical, (they can each get their backs shaved) they say it’s essential for games involving baby oil and what they referred to as snake fights. These guys have very good physiques and when they insisted on revealing them to me in their entirety, their total hairless beauty mesmerized me. I showed them my own fabulous waxed hairless body but it didn’t hold the same appeal to them as their own overwhelmingly male bodies, so unfortunately for me, nothing happened as usual!

Basics.

Body shaving is best achieved if these basic rules are followed.

• Wash the skin first with warm, not hot, not cold, water so that the skin is very clean.
• Stand in the bathtub so you don’t make a mess. (Men use a drain basket so you don’t clog the drains.)
• Use a new blade or new disposable razor. The sharper it is the less it will nick.
• Let the shaving gel work on the skin before beginning the shave.
• Do a section at a time, not the whole body at once!
• Pull loose skin taut with the fingers of the hand that isn’t holding the razor.
• Don’t press! The lightest touch will shave just as close as a dig but will be less likely to cut the skin.
• Hairy men, for your first shave, reduce the length of the body hair with a beard trimmer or hair clippers or scissors, but keep those blades off the skin itself.
• Avoid the temptation to attempt shaving your own back. Sideways movement of a razor will make a straight cut through your skin.
• If it’s called after-shave, it’s alcohol and it’s going to sting and hurt. All after-shave smells terrible anyway! Buy some witch-hazel to use after your shave. This amazing natural liquid will reduce razor-burn and help prevent the open pores from becoming infected or producing acne. Don’t use pore-clogging cream after your shave!

So lets get down to it, the head to toe guide to body shaving!

Head

I personally think a rotary shaver is better for the head because it is the ultimate curved object, but if you use a razor, be careful not to lose an eyebrow! Use the fingertips of your other hand to feel for areas that still have stubble. Women, you can also shave your heads! Remember when movie star Bai Ling went from four foot long straight black hair to smooth and bald? Try a bald head and assorted wigs for various occasions. It’s a great solution for alopecia, and the entire scalp is of course an erogenous zone when it’s hairless.

Face and Neck

Men do this everyday and are rewarded with that “five o’clock shadow.” That’s why women must never ever shave their faces! Sorry shaving fans, but ladies MUST get waxed or threaded. See Hair-B-Gone
Ears are better dealt with using a rotary shaver but you can also use your wet razor on those coarse wild hairs.

Neck (back of)

Normally the stubbly feel at the back of the neck is quite desirable, but if your scalp is smooth, shave your neck. This should be left for your assistant to do if you are having your back shaved.

Shoulders

Like the chest, re-growth here can be irritating, so once you start, keep it smooth. Best done by an assistant.

Arms and hands

It’s easy to shave your less dominant arm and hand with your dominant hand. It feels weird for a right handed person to hold a razor in the left, but you’ll get used to it because you’ll be doing this at least twice a week from now on.

Back

When shaving your partner’s back, (don’t shave your own unless you really have to,) remember not to press down with the razor. You won’t be able to feel the pressure because it’s not your back!

Underarms

Women are used to this, but guys, don’t press with the blade and relax to let the hollow out. Repeat with a rinsed blade up to five times without pressing!

Chest or breasts

If you are a man with thick dark curly chest hair, the re-growth here will kill you! After you become bald-chested, exfoliate daily in the shower with a scrunchy to make sure you don’t get blocked follicles, which can become infected. If you do get folliculitis go straight to the doctor for antibiotics. During the shave, be very careful not to cut your nipples. Often there is coarse hair right at the nipples edge which should be shaved with great care and precision.

Tummy

It’s like your chest, only lower and hopefully flatter. Luckily it’s less sensitive than your chest and less likely to become infected or irritated.

Pubic Area

If you have shaved the rest of your body bald, why not lose the pubes? You might see the reappearance of that old appendix scar you had forgotten about! I recommend a porn star landing strip, which is a straight edged vertical rectangle of short pubic hair, dead center, directly above your equipment. No pubic hair is also an erotic look, especially on a female. I’m bald there myself and I’m always admiring myself in the mirror.

Guys, if you are keeping an area of pubic hair, keep it trimmed short and have the edges dead straight. Also, having a tiny bald area just above where your shaved penis joins your body will make your penis appear longer!

Bikini area

Okay, we’re discussing body shaving here. There’s no excuse not to include the bikini area, which is adjacent to the pubic, genital and anal areas. No one likes to see hair sticking out of your briefs if your chest is bald!

Genitals (male)

I’ve done this to a guy and I’ve watched two guys do this to each other. It’s not as scary as you may think! Pull the penis if it isn’t erect and gently shave the hairy part of the shaft near the body end. Shave towards the body. Move the penis from left to right to get in all the corners. By the way, If you’ve just shaved your shaft, you’ve just made it look longer! Stretch the skin of the balls as you gently shave them. Get the tops of the legs adjacent to the scrotum while you’re down there. A good way to test for missed stubble is to use the sensitive tongue and lips to feel for rough areas afterwards!

Genitals (female)

You can shave the labia without much danger of nicks and cuts, as long as you’re gentle with that blade. Use the fingertips of your other hand to feel for missed stubble. Repeat as soon as you can feel a re-growth. If you get razor bumps, exfoliate with a wet warm washcloth. No need to get too rough with it, just enough to break the pores free. Unless you’re pure Chinese, this is tough curly hair and it will be re-appearing in a day or two.

Perineum and anus

Between your genitals and anus is an area you shouldn’t miss. Once you’re shaved, you’re more likely to receive visitors down there. When shaving around the anus, stretch the skin of each cheek away from the orifice to get a good pass with the blade. If you are shaving yourself, squat in the tub. Razor bumps should be prevented here, so starting the day after your shave, exfoliate with a washcloth in the shower. Keep this area shaved to avoid uncomfortable stubble. Never press the razor hard against the skin here!

By the way, if you have perfected the martial art of silent farts, the lack of hair around the anus will make it impossible to fart silently from now on. Change your diet or something!

Legs, feet and toes

Easy enough if done in small sections. Any woman will tell you that shaving up the leg, against the direction of growth will net a closer shave, but shaving down is less likely to cut you. Sometimes men’s toe hair is as tough as eyebrows. If so, try soaking the feet in warm water and rubbing soap onto the toe tops for a while to prepare the skin there. No more gorilla sandals!

So there you have it you non-waxers you! Shave only in the bathroom, and clean up thoroughly afterwards.

What’s the worst that can happen?

Folliculitis! Also known as barber’s itch, pseudofolliculitis barbae, and tinea barbae. Basically this is any kind of infection in the hair follicle. The usual cause of folliculitis is the bacteria Staphylococcus (staph) or by a fungus. It may occur anywhere on the skin, as a result of injury or damage to the hair follicle caused by friction from clothing, by blockage of the follicle, or by shaving or waxing. A common cause is the sharp ends of re-growing shaved hair emerging from the follicles and curling back around to irritate the skin.

If you are unlucky enough to get this following your introduction to hairless life, keep the area clean. Avoid re-infecting yourself with contaminated clothing and washcloths. You will probably need to get a prescription for topical or oral antibiotics or antifungal lotion. It is contagious when it’s active and it itches so bad you will be totally miserable for weeks.

Conclusion

As the-vu’s Raymond Wells would say, There you have it! I still prefer to get waxed myself, but I have met people who either can’t stand the waxing or simply enjoy shaving and being shaved. It also has to be said that some people are quite comfortable just having hair all over the place, and that’s cool if you like that look. After all, isn’t this all about sex? We each dance to our different drummers.

Margarita Dominguez is struggling to finish writing a screenplay about road rage in modern America but keeps getting interrupted by the-vu. She maintains a hairless body and owns eight saxophones.

Hair-B-Gone!

By Margarita Dominguez, In Los Angeles

They don’t teach you about hair removal in school. What works best in each area of the human body? For the sake of all women and men, we attempt to find out.

This article received so many thousands of hits, we gave it a sister article on hair replacement called Hair-B-Back!

From the tops of our heads to the tops of our toes, we are literally covered with hair follicles. A lot of men wish that the follicles on top of their heads were a little more active, but for the most part, our ancestral link to early man produces body hair that we regard as unwanted.

But hair removal is complicated. What works in one area of the body can be a terrible thing to do to another part of the body. Some methods are very painful, some are very expensive, some have side effects, and some are permanent. Why didn’t we get instructions with our bodies?

There are differing opinions out there regarding the method of choice for the area in question, but we hope that this article will guide some readers away from mistakes, and towards the right path to smoothness.

But before we get into hair removal, let’s examine one strange alternative, bleaching. Some women use special bleach to make their facial or body hair lighter, so that it stands out less. They somehow convince themselves that if their mustaches and beards change from brunette to platinum blond, no one will see the hair. While they are performing this operation, they are looking at the hair in the mirror. When it’s over, they admire their handiwork in the same mirror. Somehow they don’t realize that if they can observe the result, so can everyone else in their world who isn’t blind. Bleach ladies take note; you have little white beards and mustaches! We can see them! When you get a tan you look like Santa Claus. You really need to read this article. Don’t bleach ever again, okay?

Some people would prefer not to remove their body hair. This is quite socially acceptable for men. Even Gorilla like men can look pretty macho when naturally hairy. Bodybuilders, however, often choose to remove all of their body hair so that it is possible to see the definition that they have worked so hard for. What’s the point of having six-pack abs if all you can see is the same hairy tummy carpet as before you began training?

Even some women prefer not to shave their underarms or legs. However, whether we like it or not, world beauty standards dictate that we should admire a smooth, hairless female body more than a natural hairy one. Therefore, the hair removal industry exists.

In ancient times, women would get thread and roll it up their legs and over their chin and upper lip. The twine would catch their hair and pluck it out. This natural approach, known as threading, is still offered by some modern beauty salons, and it’s very effective for older people with very loose skin, but science has provided the rest of us with many superior alternatives.

There is hot waxing, cold or Persian waxing (also called Sugaring), shaving, clipping, tweezing, electrolysis, laser treatment, depilatory creaming, and hormone inhibiting. Even the threading has electric versions featuring rubber wheels, (remember Epilady in the Eighties?)

We will address each area of the female and male bodies, starting at the eyebrows and ending at the toes. But first, let’s take a brief look at each method of hair removal.

Methods.

Hot wax could be done at home, but it really should be left to the professionals. If it’s a little too hot it can burn you, and if it’s too thick, it can pull off too many layers of skin and cause serious injury that way. It’s safe enough in the hands of a beautician though. Basically, the lady in the white coat spreads a thin layer of wax over the area and immediately presses a strip of cotton cloth onto the wax, then pulls it off. The hair comes out at the root and the area is left smooth. There is always a little redness and irritation and there is a chance that hair on the next growth cycle, which is below the skin surface, will become ingrown.

Some beauticians will prepare the area with a mild topical anesthetic, but most won’t bother. Usually a sprinkling of talc is enough to degrease the skin and prepare the hairs for maximum wax adhesion. The cotton strips are pressed on in the general direction of hair growth and pulled off in the other direction. Some areas of the body, for example the shins, are fairly tolerant to this kind of pain. Other areas are not, as we shall see when we discuss bikini waxing.

Persian Wax, so-called because Persian women have been doing it for years, is a variation of waxing that involves no heat. Instead of melted wax, the solution is a sticky mixture of sugar, lemon juice and water. In fact the process is now more widely known as Sugaring. The solution can be made in a saucepan for pennies, and you can eat it. Most professionals feel that it fails to remove all of the hair in an area and repetition is required. It’s also a little messy and you’d better make sure there are no ants around.

Shaving costs the price of a razor and a little soap and it doesn’t hurt at all. It has to be done regularly unless you are weird enough to find dark, sharp stubble beautiful. The ends of the shaved hairs are sharp enough to pierce fabric. Certain areas of the body should never be shaved. If a man with thick curly hair on his chest shaves his chest, the thick, curly sharp-ended re-growth will irritate his chest in an unbearable manner, and he will have to keep it shaved bald to avoid the nasty ensuing rash. The only way out of the loop is to tolerate one painful re-growth and then get a chest wax. Hair clippers will cause the same problem.

Tweezers painfully pluck out one hair at a time from the root. A beautician will often use tweezers to pluck out a few stray hairs that were missed by the wax. Tweezers are most often used for eyebrow shaping, but eyebrows can be quickly waxed or sugared into shape also.

Electrolysis should be done professionally, even though some home kits of questionable quality are available. When an electric current is sent through a body hair, the root is destroyed and the hair can then be removed. The pain level varies from person to person and as with all methods, it hurts more in places of the body where there are more nerve endings. Sometimes the results can be permanent or close to permanent.

Laser technology is used for all kinds of things these days. Instead of an electrolysis needle in your follicle you can have a zap of laser light with the same result. It’s not painless, there is an after burn, it’s expensive, and sometimes the hair will just grow back.

Depilatories such as Nair have been around for years, and these days they don’t smell quite as bad as they used to. These creams dissolve the hair chemically so they can be gently wiped away with a wet cloth. Course hair is very resistant to the formula, and many areas of the body react to these creams with a red rash and even welts. Use with care in a well-ventilated bathroom, and remember, whatever chemicals touch your skin will be absorbed by your blood stream. Be nice to your organs and steer clear of harsh chemicals.

Hormonal growth inhibitors are liquids that are sprayed onto the skin. They mimic the effect of baldness to cause hair to cease to grow. Some people find they work, others don’t. They have not yet become a commonly used option, partly because there is no instant gratification. You have to wait and see if the hair will stop growing. Usually, when a person wants the hair off, they want it gone as soon as possible.

The male or female human body.

Working down towards the center of the earth we will discuss options for eyebrows, nostrils, upper lip, chin, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, back, underarms, chest or breasts, tummy, pubis, genitals (male and female), perineum, anus, buttocks, bikini area, legs, feet and toes.

Eyebrows

Waxing or sugaring by a professional is good. It hurts for an instant.

Tweezers hurt and it’s a long job.

Electrolysis and laser treatment can be permanent. It hurts, its pricey and if you remove too much, it’s gone forever.

Nostrils

Short round-ended scissors are safe unless you are in a moving vehicle or in danger of being shoved around in your bathroom!

Battery powered nasal hair-trimmers are excellent.

Upper Lip or Mustache

Men: shave daily with a razor or a shaver.

Ladies: wax or sugar or endure the laser or electrolysis. Never bleach (as discussed earlier.)

Chin or beard

Same as above.

Neck (back of)

Men: Use clippers every three weeks or when your hair is cut. Sharp ends are okay here.

Women: Get it waxed. Don’t forget your ear lobes.

Shoulders

Never shave your shoulders. The hair is course and curly and the re-growth will irritate the skin.

Use wax, sugar, laser or electrolysis.

Arms and hands

The entire arms, hands and fingers are best dealt with using wax or sugar.

Back

Did you know that your back was in back of you? Have someone else do it for you! No shaving here, get waxed.

Underarms

Shaving is safe here but you’ll grow stubble, which looks awful. Be brave and strong during that waxing. Keep the depilatory away from this sensitive skin or your armpits may suffer chemical burns.

Chest or breasts

See above for the horrible consequences of chest shaving. Have your chest waxed or sugared. Be careful around those sensitive nipples.

Tummy

It’s like your chest, only lower, and hopefully flatter.

Pubic Area

Fans of amateur porn might like a big scary bush. Pubic hair probably evolved to trap pheromones, but these days we bathe those away. Men should shape their pubic hair just like the ladies do. A “landing strip” is a desirable shape. Also, if the hair is long, take it between two fingers and cut it down with scissors. Women can experiment with a bald look, because it grows back soon enough. A bikini wax will deal with the perimeter of this area. Women who don’t have at least a bikini wax will get some negative responses when first observed without their panties.

Bikini area

Imagine you are wearing the bottom half of a very brief bikini and there is thick black hair sticking out of the sides! A bikini wax addresses the issue of hair outside of that garment. If you plan on being seen naked, see Brazilian Wax below for the solution!

Genitals (male)

Men who have hair on the shaft of the penis can carefully shave it. Testicles can be carefully shaved. Hot wax is not recommended for your balls, guys. Shaving the inch just above the point where the penis meets the body will give you a longer look. Clippers will cut you, a new wet razor probably won’t.

Genitals (female)

The dancers in the nude strip clubs have no hair at all down there. Shaving will result in stubble and you’ll need to do it every day. Razor bumps will be unpleasant, and using a loofah to prevent bumps would really hurt!

See Brazilian Wax below for the solution!

Perineum and anus

The anus is a mucous membrane. Depilatory cream here will injure you. Shaving stubble will cause irritation as one side of your butt touches the other. Ingrown hairs will be a pain in the butt too. See Brazilian Wax below for the solution!

Legs, feet and toes

Most women deal with leg hair by shaving. Waxing gets a better result and the re-growth is fine and un-stubble like. However, you’ll need almost a quarter of an inch of that baby-fine hair before the next wax, and many women don’t want to be seen with that hair, so they shave every other day instead. You can’t win! The tops of the legs are more sensitive, but you’ll survive. Sugaring may be more effective on shorter re-growth than waxing.

The table above seems to favor waxing in many instances, but waxing is unbearable for many people. By all means experiment, but heed the warnings above.

Brazilian Wax

This has been alluded to throughout this article, and for the uninitiated, it deserves its own paragraph. Certain salons offer this service, but many refuse to do it for fear of unhygienic consequences. Suffice to say, a beautician will ask you to lie down and remove your panties and then raise your legs. She will sprinkle talc all over your butt, perineum and vagina, including the anus and within the labia. Hot wax will be spread over these areas and cotton strips will rip out your hair down to the roots. You will experience intense pain and the pain will continue afterwards. However, the result looks amazingly beautiful and feels even better. If you’re a nude dancer, you will get bigger tips.

Conclusion.

Removing hair from the root by waxing or plucking eventually causes re-growth to slow down or even stop entirely. Shaving never does. If the growth inhibitors become more established, they may eventually replace all of this torture, but until then, be brave, be smooth and don’t cuss and swear when you scream.

Margarita Dominguez is writing a screenplay about road rage in modern America. She maintains a hairless body and owns eight saxophones.