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Strategies for Dating
Strategies for
Dating
By Rinatta Paries
Published November 2001
Many singles pursue relationship coaching
to learn dating strategies and receive the
guidance they need to be successful. Here,
I will share my list of ten strategies for
successful dating.
You may find these strategies old-fashioned
or counterintuitive. But they work.
If you date in order to find a long-term
relationship, these strategies will help
you meet the love of your life and settle
down into a long-term, satisfying relationship.
If you are already in a relationship, many
of these strategies can put a spark back
into your relationship.
Here are my ten strategies for successful
dating:
- If you are a woman who generally pursues
men first, stop and allow men to pursue
you. If you are a man who waits for women
to ask you out, take the first step and
ask them out instead. A woman pursuing
a man sets up an uncomfortable power dynamic
that is difficult to change later.
- Stay away from verbal foreplay early
on in the relationship. Engage in sexual-type
talk only after you know each other well,
at least a few months into the relationship.
These types of conversations can become
the central focus of your interactions,
making it harder to experience other parts
of your relationship.
- Don't have a sexual relationship until
you are committed to and love each other.
This may seem old fashioned; however,
relationships are partnerships. Although
sexuality is a part of a relationship,
it is not a good foundation on which to
build a relationship. If you build your
relationship on sex, it will most likely
fall like a house of cards.
- Limit your time together in the beginning.
See or be on the phone with each other
in moderation. How is a house built? Brick
by brick. How have you developed friendships?
Over time. Does an intimate relationship
deserve any less?
- Spend more time courting in person
rather than by email or phone. Electronic
communication has an aspect of anonymity
and safety. It allows for a false sense
of closeness. If this is your primary
mode of communication, you may feel awkward
with each other in person.
- Be yourself at all times in the dating
process. Doing so allows both of you to
clearly see if the relationship will work.
If you are compatible, you will discover
more things to like about each other.
If you are not compatible, you will be
able to find out sooner rather than later.
- Be clear from the start about how you
want and don't want to be treated. It
is better to know how your new partner
responds to your boundaries and standards.
- Be aware of who your new partner is.
At the same time, don't automatically
assume he will disappoint you in the same
ways you have been disappointed before.
Give him a chance to treat you well rather
than testing to see if he will cause you
pain.
- Accept your new partner as she is or
don't engage in the relationship. If her
behavior bothers you but doesn't bother
her, you can be sure that this behavior
will continue. Accept how your new partner
is now, rather than hoping for change,
or get out.
- Enjoy. Have fun. Connect. Learn. Dating
is wonderful. It's a chance to meet new
and interesting people and do fun activities.
It's an opportunity for growth. If you
do it gently, without jeopardizing your
emotional well-being, it will add sparkle
to your life.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
| (c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002 |
This article was
originally published by Rinatta Paries in the Relationship Coach Newsletter,
one of many relationship resources found at www.WhatItTakes.com.
Other highlights include relationship advice, quizzes, relationship
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