Category Archives: Sex

Articles and musings that have something to do with the subject of sex.

Sexual abuse or “boys at play”

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By Mark Bernstein

There’s been a lot of attention in the news about sexual abuse. The most recent scandal involves some sports coaches at a large American University culminating in the firing of a legendary and iconic football coach for being complicit in the cover-up of a younger coach’s indecent activities. This most base of human indiscretions seems to be rampant in the worlds of religion and sports – men of the cloth and coaches being the major perpetrators. Much of the abuse we hear about seems to be man on boy. For many victims, the sexual abuse has had an initially occult but eventually profound effect on their lives, which is completely understandable, undoubtedly due to their betrayal by highly trusted adults which makes it difficult for them to trust again. What may be much more common is everyday sexual abuse which never makes it into the newspapers, TV shows, or law or mediation courts, or even into conversation.

Like what happened to me. I am now 61 and it would have been when I was about 10. It happened over several summers at my family’s summer cottage. There was an older boy BC, I guess 5 years my senior, whose family had the cottage next to ours. One of the families had put up a large old-fashioned white canvas box tent between the two cottages for the boys to use as a play-house or fort. BC was fun to be with and we did a lot of fun stuff like walking in the woods, going fishing, making forts, swearing, shooting arrows with bows, smoking cigarettes, drinking stolen alcohol, spying on our sisters, boy stuff. I guess I felt honoured to have an older boy spend time with me. And I was such an insecure little kid I would have done anything anyone older than me told me to do.

So I did. He did not physically force me but he must have asked and saying “no” would not have even popped into my immature little brain. So, at his instruction I used to regularly go into the tent, undress him, get on my knees and put his erect penis into my mouth and with his verbal guidance and probably some help from his right hand, (as I’m sure I was not very good at it) bring him to orgasm. During the act he always regaled me with tales of the last girl he had felt up. After 50 years I still remember the name of his favourite girl (her initials were CH). I don’t remember if I swallowed or got any on my face. I do not recall if I felt any sexual arousal. Maybe it was just another simple and not unpleasant chore like putting out the garbage or mowing the lawn.

I do not feel remotely scarred by what happened. I do not recall feeling badly, or frightened, or violated at the time it happened. It did not feel particularly unnatural. Maybe I thought it was some kind of game boys play. And when I reflect on it now (which I seldom do) I don’t have any negative feelings. My heterosexual development was within normal limits regarding my sexual appetite and performance, or any other metric I can think of. And while I completely embrace homosexuality (including being a strong supporter of gay marriage) I feel no homosexual desires and do not recall ever having had such urges. Similarly, I do not find the idea of being with a man repulsive. In fact the opportunity of giving pleasure to one’s fellow homo sapiens of any gender is a very wonderful thing to do and may trump other factors.

So I guess the questions for me are: Why did this not have a greater (or any) impact on me? Am I a latent homosexual? Was the bond of trust between me and BC just not powerful enough to produce consequences when it was broken? Or has it had an impact and I’m just not aware of it? Maybe I would have been a better husband, a better father, a better brain surgeon had these things not happened. I’ll never know and I’m not going to lose a minute’s sleep over it. And I almost never think about it. I’m not even sure why I wrote this piece except maybe to convey to others like me: “You’re not weird if childhood sexual abuse did not screw up your life”. I guess that’s why.

 

Mark Bernstein is a neurosurgeon at the Toronto Western Hospital and Professor of Surgery at the University of Toronto. He and his wife Lee (a native Los Angelina) have three daughters and two pet Labradors. He has written extensively in the medical literature for over 25 years and for the last few years has been trying his hand at non-medical writing. He is the world’s second worst saxophone player.

The 30 Year Old Sexual Peak

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By The Advice Diva


A painting of a 30 year old female, peaking

I recently had the unpleasant experience of turning thirty much to my chagrin. However, I will forever allege that this was not my fault. Time was moving much too swiftly and although I tried my best to stay in the sexy and swinging twenties, I lost my grip and fell flat on my face in my thirties. I am led to believe that I will not be allowed to return. The horror. The horror.

Aside from my momentary lapses of self pity, there are some great benefits to being a woman in her thirties. As you probably guessed from the title of this article, I am now in my sexual prime. It seems like a cruel joke. Guys can’t think about anything but the tent pole in their pants while in their teens and early twenties. But by the time women get to the same stage, the men are calling in reinforcements of Viagra. I am sure you have all heard about this before. Women hit their sexual prime at thirty……or do they? I almost half expected to become some raging ball of hormones as if I was pushed on by a button when I turned thirty. I was looking forward to it. To my dismay, no such transformation has occurred.

Shedding light on this curiosity of mine was Dr. Sandor Gardos, a doctor in sexual education. According to Dr. Gardos, the notion that women hit their sexual peak at 30 is very misleading. You will find many websites and articles on the very subject talking about how women get their groove on and peak at 30, or 35 while others say 40. But if you are talking about a hormone flux, this is simply not true. Men and women develop the same hormones at the same time: puberty. The only reason why women seem so much more interested at a later age is because we were taught NOT to be interested in sex when we were kids. If you experimented with sex like the boys did, you would be labeled the town Jezebel. Only when women mature are they able to feel more comfortable talking about and practicing sex. They finally open up and begin to feel normal about desiring sex.

Then it becomes a whole new world for women. The reason why people argue about the age of the sexual peak in women is because it varies for each women. It might take some women, for example, longer to learn how to orgasm. But when each woman finally feels comfortable with her body and the virtues of sex, it just might be like hitting puberty for her, especially if she had always lived a reserved or conservative life. This can be a great time in a woman’s life; a true sexual awakening. And if you measure a sexual peak by interest level, then you can say that she has hit her prime. On the other hand, there are some women who go wild and crazy in their twenties and never give a thought to those societal messages, i.e. “Good Girls Don’t”. All things considered, these girls may not experience this sudden surge of sexual prowess at the 35 year mark. They have already experienced it all. Ahem. But not me, of course. I am an angel.

If there are any young guys out there who are tempted to seduce an older woman just because she may be in her sexual prime and easily lured by an open invitation, you may want to think again. However, it may interest all men and women to know that according to a recent publication in the Oxford Journals, women do experience a subtle phase of heat on a monthly schedule. Mid-month on her cycle to be exact. During this time, women are shown to be more attracted to androstenone (a pheromone like sweat substance), are more attracted to symmetrical and masculine faces and more attracted to the subject of sex. Even as basic as this is, its still fun to talk about. In the same journal, I also uncovered a freaky fun fact. The word for heat, Estrus, comes from a Greek word ‘oistrus’ which means Gadfly. Literally, it means ‘in a frenzied state’ because when the gadflies would buzz around cattle, they would drive the cattle into a frenzied state which resembled the same state they go into when they wanted to mate. So when scientists refer to estrus in a female, remember that this concept originated from cows.

For questions and comments contact The Advice Diva at: thediva@advicediva.com Please visit www.advicediva.com for more articles by the Diva

My Unfulfilled (and Unfulfillable?) Fantasy

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By Mark Bernstein

Last Fall I spent a month as a volunteer neurosurgeon and teacher in Indonesia. I went alone; my wife and three daughters remained in Canada. It was a fabulous experience to leave my privileged world in Toronto and do some philanthropic work with those less fortunate and I will be doing it on a yearly basis. I didn’t have a lot of time to do much sightseeing but my hosts took me on some short excursions. One turned into a memorable event.

One weekend one of the senior residents, “L”, took me to his family’s country home – a simple but lovely bamboo home in west central Java, nestled in rice fields and small mountains near a town called Garut. On the way we stopped at a hot swimming pool fed naturally by a hot spring. On the way out of there, L chatted up a fellow in the parking lot and then whispered to me: “We’ll get a massage”. I love massages but my initial suspicions quickly turned into worry as we followed the man down long narrow alleys. I felt like I was in a “B” movie, and one that might end badly for the protagonist. I whispered nervously to L: “This is just a massage right?” and he waved off my concerns. The man eventually led us to an open-air room crudely furnished with an old couch and a television. It gave onto two small rooms each with a bed and a bath. We were handed off to another young man who made a call on a cell phone and beckoned us to sit down.

Three minutes later two attractive and seductively clad young ladies appeared. I asked L to explain to them that a regular massage was the order of the day and I added a few graphic hand gestures to clarify for good measure. L went into one room with one young lady and left me with the more exotic and beautiful of the two. She called herself Mickie and I found out she was 24 – the age of my oldest daughter. That’s about all the verbal communicating we could do.

Mickie was quite gorgeous. She had a tight little body, a very beautiful face somewhere between Chinese and Philippina, and mid-length black hair. I found myself tantalized and drawn by her enigmatic beauty and it reminded me that I have always been more than a little fascinated by Asian women. My first wife was the middle daughter of a Japanese father and Irish mother and her delicate elegance and beautiful but understated sexuality was a magnet, along with her gracious personality. My many travels to the Orient and India in the last 20 years have reaffirmed my attraction for Asian women. And every day in my hospital I work in intimate life and death situations with a large number of skilful, compassionate, and ineffably sexy women who have emigrated from the Philippines and China. So the sexual tension was already high when I walked into the little room with Mickie and the door closed behind us. I was both nervous and excited but I knew the only outcome there could be.

The room had peeling paint and was about 95 degrees Fahrenheit with no air movement. I asked for a towel and she giggled as she handed me a washcloth and closed the door. I carefully undressed in front of her and flopped onto the bed on my front with the tiny towel on my buttocks. I heard a belt buckle rattling. I peeked over and saw her shedding her clothes to reveal a skimpy translucent black bikini-style bra and panties.

She poured herself onto the bed and gave me a body rub with a cheap cream. But it was clear this was not her primary area of expertise. When she did my legs she sat between them and the leg she worked on was supported on her thighs as she was in a sitting crouch. The small towel over my genitals slid around precariously. When she did my back she crouched facing my feet so her tight little bum was six inches from my face. Once or twice she made suggestive glances and gestures and almost touches but when I waved my hand “No” she respectfully complied. Being disloyal to my commitment to my wife has never been an option for me, and that combined with the fear of communicable disease shoved any thoughts of “I wonder what it would be like?” out of my mind. But I certainly wondered for a brief moment and I enjoyed every second of the delicious sexual tension that filled the room like the hot humid air.

But besides these good reasons for not having sex with Mickie there was another important reason. I would have had performance anxiety. I was alone with a beautiful young Indonesian woman less than half my age that had been with countless men and I was afraid I could not measure up to her expectations. Here I was a 53-year-old uptight Canadian neurosurgeon with all kinds of insecurities about myself and even if I had been an unfaithful type, I probably could not have gotten it on with Mickie if I had tried. In fact, while I was incredibly turned on during our entire time together (and still get turned on just thinking about it again), not once did even the beginnings of an erection try to emerge.

After about 30 minutes of what was supposed to be a one hour session, I thanked her awkwardly in Indonesian and after I declined an invitation into a bath, she got dressed, then left me alone to do so. Afterwards I joined her on the couch to wait. Every so often she smiled at me and sweetly caressed my thigh or arm as if to say: “Thanks for not being another one”. It was quite touching because instead of seeing her as an experienced prostitute, I saw a vulnerable young woman, someone who could have been my daughter. I thought of the numerous physical and psychological violations she had suffered by strange men entering her body, using her only as a means to an end.

L eventually came out and we paid the bill. Both girls giggled and Mickie hugged me warmly and kissed me gently on the cheek. As we walked to the car, I did not ask L what sort of “massage” he had received. I did not want to know the answer. Many people had told me that marital infidelity by males is extremely common in Indonesia, especially among members of the medical profession.

That day I felt happy to escape but now I can say something that many men may secretly fantasize about: “I’ve been in the company of a prostitute”. But the afternoon graphically reminded me of my fascination with Asian women and it also made me confront my sexual inadequacies and even cowardice. I can tell myself and others that I didn’t fuck Mickie for fidelity reasons and health reasons till the cows come home (and its absolutely true!) but in the final analysis I couldn’t have fucked her even if I had wanted to. Is that pathetic or is it a good thing? I think I’ve figured out the answer to that question but I’ll never be sure.

Mark Bernstein is a neurosurgeon at the Toronto Western Hospital and Professor of Surgery at the University of Toronto. He and his wife Lee (a native Los Angelina) have three daughters and two pet labradors. He has written extensively in the medical literature for over 20 years and for the last few years has been trying his hand at non-medical writing. He is the world’s second worst saxophone player.

Fuck My Face? Please

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By Lauri Jean Crowe

“I’m naked, lying flat on my back crossways on the bed. My neck’s supported by the edge of the mattress and I’m breathing in shallow gasps between thrusts. My nostrils are buried deep in his balls, balls that are slapping against my forehead and sending off that intoxicating smell of him. My hair is trailing on the floor, whooshing back and forth. Back and forth. This is when I feel truly alive. When he’s fucking my face. I know I’m really pleasing him, and all I have to do is lay there, throat relaxed and wait for him to get off. It’s even better when he shoots across my chest. That climax makes me feel special, all his warmth spreading across my breasts. I’ve always had small breasts, so it makes them seem important somehow.” – Sharon, 32, defense attorney.

Now, I know a lot of women who would be offended if their lover walked up to them and said, “I want to fuck your face”. They would feel as if they were being depersonalized, made into an object. However, Sharon, and many women like her who hold high stress positions in the work force where they consistently have to be in control, often like to relinquish it in the bedroom.

While Sharon says she wouldn’t necessarily like the language coming from her own mates mouth, it’s the action she appreciates, “I come home from yet another 10 or 12 hour day, on my feet, in court and the last thing I want to do is please someone sexually. I don’t want to have to be thinking about which way to twist my tongue, or rotate my pelvis. I don’t want to think, okay, am I getting him off? I just want to veg out, relax and be taken care of. Fortunately I’ve found a man who knows exactly what I need, and my lack of active involvement is what’s pleasing to him. I don’t mind being used as an object, because I don’t see it that way.

We’re both getting what we want. I get to relax, be passive, and feel sexy, the total focus of his needs and desires, yet at the same time I’m satisfied and satisfying him. So, is it okay for women to be passive in the bedroom? Sure, as long as they’ve actively made the decision to do so and communicated it to their mate. When it becomes a problem is when both parties needs aren’t being met. Sharon related that with a prior lover she had such difficulties.

“He just didn’t understand my need to be passive, my need to simply be fucked, taken, ravaged almost willingly raped at times. He thought that because I was this successful lawyer by day with a classic type A personality that I would be aggressive in bed as well. And some days I am aggressive, I’d rip his clothes off and surprise the hell out of him, but most days I wanted to be the one with torn buttons. I tried to explain to my last lover that I needed that release, with someone else being aggressive after a day in the courts, but he just couldn’t understand. So, I moved on.”

Sharon’s related that she’s found some of the men who understand her needs most are those who have desk jobs, and she thinks it’s the contrast that works.

“I’m in a career where I have to be the aggressor in the courtroom. It’s very demanding, and often someone’s life depends on my performance. So, I want the reverse in bed most days. However, men who sit at a desk all day doing business by fax and phone or computer work don’t have that confrontation with people. They often need an aggressive, more physical outlet to their lives. If they aren’t into racquetball or some other form of sport, usually their wilder sides come out in the bedroom. I’ve found that I don’t seek out cops, or firemen anymore. I use to think because they put their lives on the line every day they’d be more alive in bed. But, give me a computer geek any day. My current lover is a programmer, and we’re perfect for one another.”

Obviously, we speak in stereotypes when we say that people who have aggressive roles in their careers tend to be less aggressive in the bedroom and vice versa, and obviously we all have our days where we ravish our mates like a person starved. Or, at least we should. However, this aggressive by day, passive by night situation is a common sexual scenario, and one you might want to consider the next time someone says to you, “I want to fuck your face” or something similar that at first seems to offend.

Perhaps, you should look beyond the language, and think about the need behind the words. Perhaps its not something you’d want to engage in every day, but maybe it’s the start of a new sexual adventure in which you can meet someone else’s need and simply relax. Don’t see yourself as an object, see yourself like Sharon does, “the total focus of his needs and desires”.

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.

Post-Divorce: Sex With Your Ex

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By Lauri Jean Crowe

We all have our own definitions of satisfaction and happiness. Those are the words I wrote in my March 2001 article, The Myth of the Divorced Woman. Now going on the one year anniversary of the dissolution of my marriage I have to agree with that statement wholeheartedly, but also extend that we all have to discover what those definitions are.

So, did I turn out to be the penis hungry divorcee hitting bars and allowing any man who showed interest to have me? Nope, I was stupid beyond the stereotype and fell into another category – the post-divorce sex with the ex. My psychologist at the time told me that roughly 50% of women who go through a divorce will end up sleeping with their ex-husband after the divorce is final. Another 50% of those women will then go on to reemerge into the same bad, and often abusive relationships but without that marriage certificate. I got smart, and stopped before I became another statistic.

So, why do women – or men for that matter end up sleeping with their ex’s after a long and tiring divorce? Because you’re raw. You’ve been broken hearted, dragged in and out of lawyer’s offices, court rooms, child custody hearings and you feel empty, lonely. You lose sight of the reasons that you chose to end the relationship and instead begin to focus on the illusory positives of way back when. It seems natural to fall into bed with this person, especially if you have children together and have to see one another at visitation times. For some, it’s a way of healing, slowly. For others it is the distant hope that you will be loved by that person again.

For me, it was the sex. Sex had always been good between us, great even at times. So, when it was available I took him up on it. However, I never asked and I never led him to believe I was still in love. I never let it get out of hand in front of the kids. I did it with eyes wide open. However, the sex felt empty because of that lack of emotion and after a few times I ended relations. There are some things that simply can never be the same.

So, what to do if you’re in the post-divorce sex with the ex statistical group? Look long and hard at why you are doing what you’re doing. Don’t lose sight of the past, because it has shaped you. Enjoy the sex, and make sure the emotions you’ve attached to it are enjoyable as well. If you have children, be wary of confusing them even further. If you find yourself heading into an even more destructive mess than your marriage, seek help. Above all, think about your own definitions of satisfaction and happiness; seek them out and live them.

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.

Pole Dancing 101

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Pole Dancing 101
Sheila Kelley’s School for Bedroom Strippers
See below for writer credit

Sheila Kelley

Sheila Kelley

Sexy actress Sheila Kelley once wrapped them up in legal jargon on the 80s hit courtroom drama LA Law, these days she’s more likely to be found wrapping her legs around a pole like a stripper. And what’s more she’s teaching others how to do it. In her back garden studio of her plush Hollywood home, Kelley, 37, twists and spins around the pole like a professional, teaching her mixed age group of female students how to copy her elegant, yet erotic moves.

Kelley first became interested in stripping while studying for film roles. This fascination eventually evolved into the gritty stripper movie ‘Dancing at the Blue Iguana’, which Kelley produced and starred in along side Daryl Hannah and Jennifer Tilly. During the filming, Kelley immersed herself into the seedy life of strip clubs during which she learnt dancing techniques and tricks from real strippers. “Having had the dancer background, I took to it very easily and very well. Never in my life have I been in better shape.”

Daryl Hannah at the Blue Iguana

Daryl Hannah at the Blue Iguana

“Women come to the class terrified, like I did, but also compelled. There was just something, from the very first time I saw a stripper in a strip club I was hooked.” Kelley says who during the making of ‘Dancing at the Blue Iguana’ paid strippers to teach her their sexy dance moves.

Kelley certainly doesn’t look like a stripper sat in comfortable sweats, her look is more that of a slim and attractive Hollywood mum-next-door. When performing elaborate tricks on the pole, twisting and spinning like a topsy-turvy ice-skater, Kelley adds a touch of class that makes her act seem almost wholesome.

The thought of teaching it to others came to her while stripping for her husband, Richard Schiff, who plays Toby Ziegler, a sharp tongued Communications Director on award winning series about life in the White House – West Wing, Kelley and Schiff have two children, ages 7 and 1 and a half. “It struck me how unbelievably empowering it was for me to dance for my husband alone,” she says. “Simultaneously, you become your most open, your most vulnerable and your most powerful.”

Schiff says men are bug-eyed with envy when they find out his pretty wife, likes to strip for him. He says he has also discerned a difference in female friends who have taken her classes. “It has changed their marriages, and it’s changed the way they walk through life. There’s a centered kind of sensuality in them that might have been fighting to get through before,” he says. “Then there’s just the fun they have. They’re always howling and screaming back here. I’m playing with the kids, and then I hear this hooting and hollering, and I think, ‘Man, I want to be back there. What am I doing changing diapers?

“I probably got pregnant after a lap dance,” Kelley adds, “There’s a way to spice up your marriage.” Now Kelley teaches four 90 minute classes of her ‘Stripping for Everyday Women class’ a week. Yet the lessons aren’t designed to turn her students who are mostly upper-middle class actresses / friends ranging in age from 24 to 57, into strippers to take the stages of the seedy strip clubs on Sunset. Kelley wants stripping out of the clubs and into the master bedroom. “What I am doing is taking that beautiful art form of erotica out of a decadent place and bringing it to women as an empowering tool,” explains Kelley. One student, who preferred to stay anonymous, claimed the classes give married women a renewed sense of sex appeal. “Women my age, housewives and mothers, aren’t prepared to say, ‘Look at me, aren’t I gorgeous?’ It’s embarrassing,” said the actress and mother, who is in her 50s. “The class is incredibly embarrassing and brings out all of your insecurities. And yet, you’re dying to do it.”

“I’ve taken the best elements from all the different types of dance I have studied over the years, and created my own movement technique. It’s a 40 minute warm up flow, getting the body moving in a more feminine way, in a more curvaceous way, and after that we do pole work and each person does a routine.”

“I’ve never been able to act sexy in a movie. I was playing romantic parts and everything, but that was an area where I just felt foolish, totally foolish,” another student says. “Sheila’s very supportive and wonderful. She eggs you on and keeps saying, ‘Oh, powerful move, powerful move,’ and screaming out how beautiful everyone is. And she means it.”

The classes aren’t designed to titillate the women’s partners, that’s a bonus factor, the classes are to help women feel sexy and confident in themselves without relying on men or anyone else to make them feel that way. These sisters are doing it for themselves!

“It’s a really beautiful bonding experience. The women move from beginners, to intermediate to advanced together, so they develop this incredible bond and trust. There is just this unspoken camaraderie” says Kelley, “If you are scared, I’ll get up there and do it with you. I’ll be right next to you talking in your ear.”

“Allowing your body to move the way it wants to move naturally, being overtly sexual without apology, gives these women and myself an enormous sense of satisfaction,” Kelley continues to explain.

Kelley claims the classes not only make women feel more confident about themselves sexually but also about their bodies. “It helps them own their body no matter what. One woman thought she had a big butt and as she turned around from the last third of the dance, she had to walk back, she went ‘oh no they are going to see my big butt’ and then she claimed it, she went ‘yeah! They are looking at my big ass’. You could see it in her moves! It was a beautiful moment. She didn’t give a damn!”

“The most erotic dancer I ever saw was a 250 pound Jewish girl wearing braces who as she got up to dance, she just floated. She was a real stripper. I was awestruck, dumbfounded by her beauty. This is when I realized that it doesn’t matter what you look like it’s about how you move your body. She was a big girl, but when those hips moved the men were riveted. She was beautiful for those few moments,” explains Kelley.

“Women have such erotic power. We don’t use it because we are scared. We are told ‘bad girls do that’. ‘It’s nasty to move your hips like that’, ‘you’re a slut’ ‘you’re a whore’. I want to blow those days out of the water.” Kelley says.

Judging by the popularity of her program since it started in May, last year women want to blow that image out of the water as well. Kelley teaches lap and pole dancing to classes of 6 – 10 women of ‘all shapes and sizes’ a week each paying $50 for a 90 minute class. The waiting list is growing so fast that Kelley is looking for rented space to accommodate bigger classes and there is talk of doing a video to reach others.

Kelley’s classes may indicate that in the new millennium another sexual tabbo is being brought into the mainstream. Hollywood has recently made strippers the theme of films like Showgirls and Demi Moore’s Striptease. Crunch gyms in Los Angeles started cardio striptease classes as favored by ex-Baywatch beauty Carmen Electra. The classes proved so successful that sessions are now being offered at Crunch clubs in New York and Miami. Sexy actress/model Pamela Anderson, who has a stripper pole in her bedroom, recently announced she might give up acting to strip onstage during her boyfriend Kid Rock’s rock concerts.
Kelley has no plans to return to acting in the immediate future and won’t be staring in a movie reunion for L.A Law, which is being planned for the American network NBC’s 75th anniversary. Kelley won’t be starring in the special one off reunion show of the groundbreaking drama about the lives loves and courtroom battles of Los Angeles lawyers as it will only star first season cast members, Kelley joined in the third.

“I had an opportunity to do a pilot this year and I just wasn’t into it. I don’t get the incredibly satisfaction of giving something to somebody when I am acting these days that I get from what I am doing. This is so rewarding. I feel like it really transforms people, it really changes people’s lives for the better. I’ve got the most touching phone calls in the middle of the night from women genuinely choked up with emotion, saying ‘how can I thank you? I am a different human being, I walk through the world like a different person’. I don’t get that from acting. But I do think I will eventually get back to acting, I love to act.”

“I did not say I wanted to become a stripping teacher. This all just happened,” Kelley says. “I know how powerful I feel when I do it. I know how sexy I feel. I know how beautiful I look to me and to my husband, and that’s all that matters.”

Five ways to bring out the pole dancer in you!

1. Invest in some sassy outfits that would be fit to grace the stages of Stringfellows – if you look sexy you’ll feel sexy too! With the Internet you can shop from the privacy of your own home at discreet sites like: www.annsummers.com

2. Set the mood with some appropriate music. Kelley uses everything from Kid Rock to Jah Rule.

3. Keep eye contact with your partner as you dance. Looking at the floor is another of Kelley’s tips.

4. Learn in the comfort and security of your own home with a video on exotic dancing by Fawina a former exotic dancer from: www.exoticdanceschool.com

5. Create yourself an alter ego – swap your Mary Poppins prudishness’ for a more daring persona – developing a steamy new you will help you shed your inhibitions and leave you free to do anything you want.

Sheila Kelley can be found and contacted via her website at http://www.sfactor.com

The writer of this article comes to the-vu courtesy of the Splash News and Picture Agency. Due to too many weird emails, we have removed her name.

Natural Wood

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By Leonardo Calcagno


Impotence, a man’s most terrible fear and secret. From ancient times, sexual performance has been extremely important for men, ’cause we think with our DICK! This is no secret, and we should for once and for all accepted it. We live in a macho world, is sad but is true. Impotence isn’t only a boner problem, it’s also all the emotional baggage that comes with it: depression, low self steam, fear of loosing your partner, adultery paranoia, anxiety, and frustration that can lead in some cases to suicide!

As men from every generation and walk of life have been trying to keep it up, Viagra came to the rescue. Seen as a wonder pill (like Prozac, ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!) men are consuming it like candy. More than one million prescriptions for it are written each month. It’s estimated that 35 million North-American men will consume Viagra before 2005, and as the baby boomers grow older, that number could reach up to 50 million.

As this wonder drug changes a man’s sexual life, he doesn’t mind some of the side effects (headache, upset stomach, nasal congestion, blurred vision, diarrhea, dizziness, rash and possibly death). This is seen as a normal price to pay when taking pharmaceutical drugs. But are there other alternatives to getting a boner beside Viagra (while boycotting the fascist capitalist inhuman faceless pharmaceutical companies)? Of course. There are many herbal and food alternatives to get the little guy to salute…so do try them, talk to your doctor before anything and enjoy!

Note: remember Viagra is not a sexual stimulant nor an aphrodisiac. It’s just a pill to help you maintain an erection.

Black Cumin Seed

Used in the Middle East, Africa and South Asia this is a common plant for menstruation problems, inflammation and allergies. It boosts morale and calms depression. In impotence cases, it’s well-known for its body cleaning properties for smokers, alcohol and other drug users — which helps impotence. Two capsules or one teaspoon of oil three times a day is recommended.

Bois Bande

In French it means “Boner Wood,” widely used in the West Indies. The bark of the tree is soaked in rum, then is drunk for sexual stimulation.

Broom Rape

A flowering plant found in China, Mongolia and Siberia. Stimulates sexual desire by lowering the blood pressure, which may occur for a nervous person. A daily dosage is 10 to 15 g.

Cyperus

A Chinese aphrodisiac, its roots are boiled and drank for stimulation.

Damiana

An aphrodisiac used by the native people of Mexico, Central and South America and in the West Indies since the dawn of time. Its leaves are used in native medicine for many diseases. Wrapped in chocolate, it’s given to young grooms by mother-in-law anxious to become grandmothers in Mexico. It helps involuntary sperm emissions and strengthens the male sexual system [due to is alkaloids property]. It’s also widely used in Holland for enchanting sexuality and positive effect on the reproductive organs.

Ginkgo Bilboa

It aids circulation and gets the blood flowing to the penis. This herb is an antidepressant to calm people who are nervous to perform. It’s a safe natural drug when taken in small doses of 50 mg three times a day.

Ginseng

An Asian herb that grows in the mountains of eastern Asia and in Korea and Japan. In Asia men believes that ginseng enhances sex and an ancient Indian medical manuscript [The Atherva Veda] says that ginseng “bestows on men both young and old the power of a bull.” It helps regulate blood stream and stress.

Kava

It’s called the “pacific elixir” in the South Pacific where it has been use by the people of Polynesia, Melanesia and Micronesia …. the Kava was not used for sexual dysfunction but the roots may be used to resolve sexual difficulties and low libido caused by overwork, anxiousness and tension.

Kola Nut

It contains caffeine and other stimulating properties. Brazilians drink it and Jamaican use it as an aphrodisiac.

Maca

A Peruvian herb use to treat a variety of hormone imbalances. It increases fertility and sexual vigor. Rats fed with maca had higher sperm production, meaning that people who shoot “blanks” may want to try it.

Mint

Called by the Greeks as the “Love brew”, they forbade soldiers to consume it during wars ’cause it diminished their aggressiveness.

Muira Puama

It has been traditionally used by Brazilian natives from the Amazon to treat impotence. This tree is nicknamed “potency wood” and “tree of virility.” It showed its effectiveness for treating nervous system disorders and sexual impotence, it’s ability to help impotence by delivering blood to genitals.

Rosemary

Rosemary activates the adrenal glands, which produce sex hormones.

Saffron

A very expensive spice when added to food, it’s considered erotic in taste and in color. Phoenicians made flavor moon-shaped cakes eaten in honor of Ashtoreth, the goddess of fertility. Its still used as a bridal spice.

Savory

Used by Greeks and Romans for fertility rites. Savory taken as a tea aids men who have difficulty performing sexual acts.

Verbena

The Greeks worshipped this herb to Aphrodite, goddess of love; and the Romans believed that it had peacemaking properties. Taken as tea, it stimulates and augments the reactions of the body and facilitatescirculation of blood to the genitals.

Fennel

The Kama Sutra uses fresh fennel juice with milk as a aphrodisiac. Hindus use fresh fennel juice, milk. honey, ghee, licorice and sugar to stimulate sex. In Mediterranean regions this soup is also used as a sexual stimulant.

Ginger

A powerful aphrodisiac when rubbed on the abdomen, scrotum and anus. A impotence recipe by an Indian herbalist: ginger juice, honey and half-boiled eggs, taken every night for a month.

Nutmeg

Increases sexual endurance, when mixed with honey and a half boiled egg to be taken an hour before intercourse.

Oysters

Casanova was a big consumer, fifty raw oysters every morning. A healthy consumption of oysters helps to keep a balanced reproductive system. Only be sure that they’re fresh or you may get poisoned.

Spanish Fly

This is an urban legend for horny teenagers. The legendary Spanish fly is a golden green beetle from which they extracted a chemical called cantharidin. It’s not very well known how it works but it has been used widely by everybody, the only problem is if it gives a great sexual high it also very toxic, and a big amount may even kill you.

Disclaimer

This information has been provided for informational purposes only. Neither the author, nor the-vu and its affiliates, recommend taking any herbal remedies prior to consultation with your personal health care professional. This information should not be construed as a replacement for medical advice or treatment.

Leonardo Calcagno, well know writer in Montreal Canada. He’s been writing for local Canadian, Americano and European e-zines and zines in French, Spanish and English for almost 5 years. More known to get hate letters from right-wing housewives and to get into fights with promoters who don’t let him interview bands! You will mostly see him eating tofu dogs and drinking Guinness with his laptop in Montreal writing another article about politics, music and sex. Graduated with a bachelor degree in International Politics with a minor on international law… his parents are still wondering why he took on a life of sex writer! Tattooed with Che, Husker Du and ARA! Played chino-Hispanic punk on Les Kalisses D’immigrant, Trash Blues on Les Tetes Reduites and now stoner rock on Your Sister ! He contributes on Freezerbox.com, Kerozen, Indymedia.org, Stooky.com, Eroticandy.com, Biotech Montreal Action, QuebecTel, Zona de Obra and other zines!

For more of Leonardo’s work, please visit www.montrealnightguide.com and www.montrealconfidential.com

I.C.U. The Peeping Tom of Montreal.

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By Leonard Calcagno

Friday Night at 12am at the Carre St-Louis in Montreal:

I meet Denis, a well-dressed 30-year-old who looks like he’s a success. As we exchange salutations and small talk, he asks me if I’m afraid of heights. No problem; we head to the center of town.

As we get near Pine avenue, we climb up a fire escape ladder next to an old British architecture building. After five minutes, we get to the top of the building where a few other buildings connect with each other. We are near McGill University, and the many windows in these buildings are lit up.

Denis: You’ll be surprised what you can see in this area. Depending on the month, you’ll see some crazy shit. I will never send my kids to university after knowing what these kids do.

Leonardo: What?

Denis: Kids doing drugs, having sex with more than two partners at the same time, going without sleep for some stupid term paper, getting dumped and watching them cry for hours, prostitution. There are battered girlfriends sticking with the same asshole after getting their butt kicked, date rapes, roommates getting robbed by their best friend….you get the idea. What gets me going, though, is naked girls taking a bath, combing their long beautiful hair, cooking, making out with their boyfriends, just being themselves for a couple of hours.

Leonardo: So you’re a hard-core voyeur?

Denis: I love spying on someone’s private life! It’s a James Bond thing! I’ve been fascinated by peeping on people since I was a young kid. It gets me high watching people doing their everyday life, but it’s better if they’re naked or having sex.

It’s now 1 am and we are on the roof waiting for anything to happen. Denis pulls my shirt and points to a window where a blond raver-type student has just come in.

Denis: I’ve been watching her for almost 5 months every two days. When she gets home she checks her answering machine and goes to the shower.

As she gets undressed, Denis is silent watching his free peep show

Leonardo: So what do you do after watching people?

Denis: Nothing. I just watch them. I’m not a perverted voyeur who masturbates or stalks them! I’m not that disturbed!

Leonardo: I know there are voyeur web sites, videos and magazines! Do you contribute to this scene?

Denis: No way. There are limits. I only have taken maybe 10 to 15 pictures in my life, ’cause there were some amazing girls. All those voyeur sites that don’t respect people are fucked up and perverted!

Leonardo: Are their any voyeur clubs?

Denis: Sure, but there’s no official club. Voyeurism is illegal by law

Denis points at me to another window, where two guys in underwear are cooking and kissing each other.

Denis: You see those two guys? They’re gay!

Leonardo: So what?

Denis: I know, it doesn’t matter that they’re gay. What’s funny is that these guys pretend to be friends when their parents visit.

Leonardo: So your voyeurism is pretty innocent? You just like watching people.

Denis: I guess. You must be disappointed. I’m sure you were expecting some freak.

As we go down the fire escape, we head up to Mont-Royal street between Hotel de Ville and St-Laurent. Here houses are glued together with many long alleys in the back. It’s almost 2:30 am. We go up an old rusted crooked stairs.

Denis: This is a great spot to see people wasted after they come out of the bars. Alleys are a great spot to have sex, do or buy drugs and puke your heart out. I come here for this Portuguese chick that it’s just too beautiful to resist.

Leonardo: Have you taken her picture?

Denis: She is too beautiful.…I think she is a widow. She never invites anybody to her apartment, beside family, and she’s always praying. But she is sooooo beautiful. There’s also those punky bi girls that have wild parties. They sell pot for a living.

Leonardo: What do you do in life?

Denis: I work as a customs agent. I check strange and illegal packages from all over the world coming into Dorval Airport.

Leonardo: So what happens when people see you?

Denis: It depends. Guys want to kick my ass. Some people get turned on. I’ve had a couple of girls that start masturbating or just open the curtain or window wide open to let me have a better peek. There are many exhibitionists in the city.

Leonardo Calcagno, well know writer in Montreal Canada. He’s been writing for local Canadian, Americano and European e-zines and zines in French, Spanish and English for almost 5 years. More known to get hate letters from right-wing housewives and to get into fights with promoters who don’t let him interview bands! You will mostly see him eating tofu dogs and drinking Guinness with his laptop in Montreal writing another article about politics, music and sex. Graduated with a bachelor degree in International Politics with a minor on international law… his parents are still wondering why he took on a life of sex writer! Tattooed with Che, Husker Du and ARA! Played chino-Hispanic punk on Les Kalisses D’immigrant, Trash Blues on Les Tetes Reduites and now stoner rock on Your Sister ! He contributes on Freezerbox.com, Kerozen, Indymedia.org, Stooky.com, Eroticandy.com, Biotech Montreal Action, QuebecTel, Zona de Obra and other zines!

For more of Leonardo’s work, please visit www.montrealnightguide.com and www.montrealconfidential.com

Killer Pattaya Prostitutes

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By Leonard Calcagno

A half-drunk and drugged big blonde Dane wakes up relived of $500 US. Last thing he remembers is that this beautiful Thai prostitute gave him a pill with her tongue, telling him it was an aphrodisiac. He was a lucky bastard; last week two Germans were found naked and dead in their hotel room. Their personal effects were never found by the police. Not even the hotel owner remembers if they came in with somebody.

Most of the tourists in Pattaya, Thailand come for the same thing: sex for cheap. But cases of prostitutes stealing everything from their drunk clients were not uncommon. This time, something about the case didn’t wash. The coroner determined that both men died of heart attacks at approximately the same time in the same room.

These deaths, and a number that followed, began making international headlines, and the sex tourist industry shrank. The stories were becoming common: some beautiful Thai slipped in an “aphrodisiac” or asks the client to lick her breasts. And that’s pretty much the last thing anyone remembers. Usually they would be relieved of wallet and watch. But now, johns were being killed off instead.

Police in Pattaya were convinced that the local mafia was using prostitutes to lure, rob tourist and kill them. Working with INTERPOL, local police began combing the areas that the tourists were found dead or unconscious. The south of Pattaya is where the most of the prostitute bars are. European [re: white] agents began visiting these bars undercover. It’s not the first time that Thai and European police have worked together. A porno cartel dealing pedophilia was busted by Dutch and Scandinavian police a couple of years ago.

South Pattaya is where every bar has girls waiting in the door, bringing customers for cheap sex and beer. In every bar, naked girls are trained to be bait for sex tourists. Most of the “beer bars” are decorated in a cheap Christmas version of a high school beach party — but with a hundred horny drunken tourists looking and touching underage smiling merchandise. The message parlors are filled with who girls specialize in everything for the right price: $5 US; And for a little extra, they’ll go to your hotel, too.

The biggest beer bar is The Marine: two big dance floors and a dozen live show booths, each with a couple of girls scrammed in waiting for customers. In this ocean of horny tourists, police waited for 3 weeks before a Thai prostitute with mafia connections came in contact with one of them.

In a corner of the bar, there’s a drunken German tourist with 10 girls, talking loudly and paying for drinks without a care in the world. He’s tall, blue-eyed and full of golden jewelry, just waiting to be robbed. In the other corner policemen have spotted a group of Thais looking him over and sending girls over to him. They let the drunken German leave with the girls, and the next day the police get a report from him saying that he was drugged and robbed.

For two months the police go to The Marine and always hear the same story. Nobody is killed though; the police follow the stupid tourists for it’s safety after they leave the bar, but they needed proof for a murder rap. Finally, an undercover officer flush with cash gets surrounded by The Marine bar girls until mafia thugs send their two most beautiful girls to suggest a sex-crazed night in a local hotel. Accepting the invitation, the cop directs the other police officers to the hotel.

As the trio get to the room and the two prostitutes get naked, they ask the cop to take the so-called “aphrodisiac.” The police bust into the room and arrest the two prostitutes, confiscating the pill. They also arrest the four people waiting in the car and the gang in The Marine waiting for other suckers.

One the prostitutes, a 16-year-old girl, confessed about the killing going around Pattaya and how she and her cohorts drug tourists, rob them and the gang kills them. They confess using different methods to drug the johns. After he has consumed the pill, powder or liquid, it takes 10 to 20 minutes slip into a heavy coma-like sleep. Many johns end up dying of heart attacks.

About 75 to 100 tourists are found dead every year in Pattaya, some from an overdose, heart attack, fights and some still in bizarre circumstance. I guess it’s the price to pay for cheap sex in a land where sexual exploitation is the main product to sell.

Leonardo Calcagno, well know writer in Montreal Canada. He’s been writing for local Canadian, Americano and European e-zines and zines in French, Spanish and English for almost 5 years. More known to get hate letters from right-wing housewives and to get into fights with promoters who don’t let him interview bands! You will mostly see him eating tofu dogs and drinking Guinness with his laptop in Montreal writing another article about politics, music and sex. Graduated with a bachelor degree in International Politics with a minor on international law… his parents are still wondering why he took on a life of sex writer! Tattooed with Che, Husker Du and ARA! Played chino-Hispanic punk on Les Kalisses D’immigrant, Trash Blues on Les Tetes Reduites and now stoner rock on Your Sister ! He contributes on Freezerbox.com, Kerozen, Indymedia.org, Stooky.com, Eroticandy.com, Biotech Montreal Action, QuebecTel, Zona de Obra and other zines!

For more of Leonardo’s work, please visit www.montrealnightguide.com and www.montrealconfidential.com

Love Sex Power Inc.

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By Leonardo Calcagno

Romance in the workplace has become quite acceptable. With more liberated sexual mores and more women in the workplace [thank God!], work has become one of the better places for men and women to meet, date, mate and have wild sex. But office romance has more consequences than just plain sex; when sex politics are involved, it can have problematic repercussions when a fling becomes a management problem that creates havoc. Gossip among cubicles becomes an epidemic. A reputation as a “Ladder Whore” is easily spread like cheap jam.

I, however, think that sex on the job is about the only positive aspect of working at all.

So Does Lisa A. Mainiero, author of “Office Romance.” She says work liaisons can improve office morale; motivate employees, encourage creativity and innovation, and boost productivity. It can soften work-related personality conflicts, improve teamwork, communication and cooperation. When office lovers hold jobs in different departments, they serve as a channel for communication. From an executive point of view, office romance can be used as a recruitment and retention device to stabilize the workforce.

The Players:

Ana, a secretary for a law firm
Melanie, a music executive
Sandra, a Web designer
Carlos, a business consultant

Leonardo: Had any good sex at the office?

Ana: Twice! Once with this cute guy in accounting. I was working late, and since I was watching his firm butt for two months and waiting to just attack him, we had sex on my desk. It was fantastic. I also had sex with a co-worker after a couple of drinks. I found out later that he was married. After the deed, he became a pain in the ass for two months… making dirty jokes, trying to repeat the experience. His wife found out and they got divorced.

Melanie: A couple of time, ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!….I work in the music business and there’s always these cute musicians around that I just feel like devouring! I’m a little bit slutty, but I lovvvve men! Once, I went out for two months with this guy in the shipping division. He turnout to be a stalker, calling me all the time and coming to my office to see if I was there! A total asshole.

Sandra: Only once I had a one-night-stand at an office party. The next day I was so embarrassed because al of a sudden, I was the bitch at the office. There were rumors about me having sex with every male at the party… anyway I was depressed for over a month, and broke up with my 3-year boyfriend when I told him what happened! Personally, I will never do it again!

Carlos: It’s hard to meet gay men in the business world, but I had a couple of hot steamy sex sessions in the office when I began working! I’m only 26 years old, no bad experiences. I met my lover John at my firm and we’ve been going out for almost a year.
Danger and how to avoid it!

As we can see every case is different, depending the circumstances. Forget those magazine quizzes, every person is different and the emotional equation from each one of us can’t be analyzed, categorized or be understood. Realities and risk of romance at work can threaten career advancement, ruin professional relationships, cause co-worker confusion and scorn, may cause work performance to decline, lead to self-doubt and loss of objectivity, generate competition and conflicts, and generate professional conflicts of interest. To avoid such danger and minimize the risk of complication at work and more importantly your boss:

Maintain an outstanding work record, so that career advancement will not be a threat. What’s important in business is a good performance, this will be your best defense.

Keep your objectivity in business decisions. Never mix work ‘n’ pleasure when handling decisions. This will be seen as personal integrity and dignity, keeping away worker animosity and management reprisals.

Have a breakup plan when thinks get out of hand.

Anticipating potential problems is the best solution. Be a little paranoid.

Dating your boss: watch your back!

One of the biggest risks of dating on the job is falling for the BOSS! The temptation to use power by an upper executive to get you into bed is easy… remember we are human and power games in sex become a reality at work. If you break up with your superior, she may use her power to fire you or make your life in the office a living hell. If you are a secretary, remember that you have no power and in the corporate world you are seen as a minor player and easy to replace. Love in the real world is based on respect and equality. If you are a subordinate in love and work, your relationship becomes an unbalanced power struggle.

Before any emotional or sexual involvement at the office, ask yourself these questions and follow our rules to nookie at work:

What’s the potential risk to your career advancement?

Try not to date your superiors.

Make a thick wall between your personal and professional life.

If it’s a one-night nightmanre, be sure he or she understands this!

Clarify from the beginning to each other what do you want from the relationship!

Anticipate possible conflict-of-interest

Are you prepared to the possibly negative reaction from your colleagues and superiors?

Be aware of office norms about romance before anything!

Sex at work is not all that bad. The only thing is to watch your back and understand the limits of your sexual pleasure at work… enjoy!

Leonardo Calcagno, well know writer in Montreal Canada. He’s been writing for local Canadian, Americano and European e-zines and zines in French, Spanish and English for almost 5 years. More known to get hate letters from right-wing housewives and to get into fights with promoters who don’t let him interview bands! You will mostly see him eating tofu dogs and drinking Guinness with his laptop in Montreal writing another article about politics, music and sex. Graduated with a bachelor degree in International Politics with a minor on international law… his parents are still wondering why he took on a life of sex writer! Tattooed with Che, Husker Du and ARA! Played chino-Hispanic punk on Les Kalisses D’immigrant, Trash Blues on Les Tetes Reduites and now stoner rock on Your Sister ! He contributes on Freezerbox.com, Kerozen, Indymedia.org, Stooky.com, Eroticandy.com, Biotech Montreal Action, QuebecTel, Zona de Obra and other zines!

For more of Leonardo’s work, please visit www.montrealnightguide.com and www.montrealconfidential.com

Interview with Nina Whett

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By Leonardo Calcagno

With a song titled “Drink Beer and Fuck” on the album Porn to Rock, you have a sense that Nina Whett could perhaps be the ultimate fantasy for the testosterone set. Porn star, musician, actress, professional dom and writer, Nina Whett is a renaissance woman on her own terms. She’ll take any man or woman on a smart and sexually charged ride capable of melting any gender. Don’t be scared; she will rock your world if you let this former wrestling champ into your life. Meet Nina Whett, the woman, the gladiator sex goddess.

Leo: Tell us about yourself?

Nina Whett: You may have seen me on the VH1 special “Porn to Rock” or on Playboy’s “Sexcetra.” I’ve also been in several men’s magazines and have a new layout coming up in High Society that I did with Taylor St. Claire and one of our sexy boy toys. Also I was a Pro-Wrestler for over five years and have toured all over the world with CA WOW, Gladiator Girls, CA Heat, BLOW, and was 5-year CA WOW champion. In addition to all of that, I started my career in the adult business as a dancer and bikini model while remaining involved with music throughout. Then in 1997 I got involved in the adult movie industry where I did my first movie for Jane Waters who is now a dear friend of mine. The movie was for Extreme Associates called “The Pornographer” and it won an AVN award for best comedy. Now I’ve done over 100 movies including many fetish films.

Why choose a career in the sex industry?

Well, why does one decide to work in computers or in an office? They either get into it because they love what they do, for the money, or they don’t know what they want to do. I love sex. I love the entertainment business and I’ve always pictured myself being an entertainer. One that breaks the rules too! I get to live out my fantasies, it just happens to be on camera for other people to watch and enjoy. It’s actually a great job. You make good money, everybody has sex and it’s fun, everyone gets tested monthly for STDs and HIV, and it’s really wild. If you’re smart with your money, the scenes you do, and about the business aspect of it then it can really do a lot for you. But you have to be prepared to piss a lot of people off and you might have to go without a family. They sometimes will not approve and they shut you out of their life so you have to be able to handle that.

I know that you contributed to the album “Porn To Rock” with other porn stars. Can you tell us more about that, and is there is a singing career in the near future for you?

YES! That was fun. There is also a documentary film that is coming out about the making of that CD and about the adult industry starring Ron Jeremy and myself among many other adult stars. Check out www.porntorock.net and as far as my music career, yes I have a new industrial metal band called MANTIS 13 and right now we are recording a CD. Check out info on the band at my website. The Official M13 site is coming soon. I was on KNAC radio on Friday April 13th and if you go to www.knac.com you can check out the show in the archives and hear one of my new songs. I also have pics from the show on my site. The Nasty Neil Show! Check it out!

What are you listening to these days?

Well, I listen to Static X, Soulfly, Rob Zombie, Clutch, COC, Rage Against the Machine, Alice in Chains, Slipknot, Slayer, old Metallica, Ministry, NIN, White Zombie, Babes in Toyland, Perpetual Hypengine, System of a Down, Excel, Type O Negative, Sepultura, Faith No More, and so many more!!!

I know that you did some oil wrestling. Can you give us some pointers?

Yeah I did the oil before going pro. That’s for pussies! I love the athletics of pro and my famous move was my very own “Skull Crusher!” Immediately following a closeline! Oil wrestling is for bachelor parties or at home with your boyfriend.

I’ve seen your fetish pics! What is your favorite fetishism and how far will you go?

My fave is to be tied up and fucked but you can’t do that on film here in America so I just do it at home in my private life. Also I love being a Dom and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy smothering and kicking or trampling a poor defenseless servant the best. Yeah I’m a sick puppy! And I love it!

Tell us about your weirdest fan.

One time I got this whacked out e-mail from this crazy guy. I get a lot of that but this dude was really nuts and I had to file an abuse report to get the letters to stop. Other than that my fans are cool. I get nice letters and I do read them.

If you were a donut what kind of donut would you be and why?

A donut!?! Are you kidding? I would never be a donut. I’m more like a whiskey peppercorn steak! Not sweet, just spicy, lots of juices, tender in the middle and with a taste that you’ll never forget.

Does size matter?

I’m not a size queen but most women do care a little bit about size but he doesn’t have to be huge. Me, all I care about is girth and “can he use it?” You gotta have the ass to push it, baby.

Brains or muscles?

I have to be able to carry on an intelligent conversation with a man or can’t spend any quality time with him. And I don’t really like pretty boys or guys that are too buffed! However, big guys with big hands turn me on! And they have to be able to eat like a man. I hate going out to eat with a guy and he orders a soup and salad! I’m a Meat and Potato kinda girl!!

What will you never do?

Gangbangs! Because that is too risky and it does not interest me at all.

What is your favorite sexual position?

Pile Driver, because the cock goes down and right in and it stays harder!

Playboy, Penthouse, or Hustler?

I’ve been in Hustler Erotic Filmguide and did Hustler movies because I wanted to. Larry Flynt Jr. is a sweetheart! My movies appear on Playboy TV all of the time and I was on Sexcetra playing on stage with my old band Blind Suicide, it was fun.

Tell us something about yourself that may shock people.

I played in Texas with the Toadies (I thought we sucked! Haha! A few years ago I did shows with the Ozark Mountain Daredevils, Head East, Molly Hatchet, Foghat, and Shadow Dancer. All over the US. It was crazy!

What was your most embarrassing moment?

I have so many, where do I begin? One time I slipped on stage while in the middle of a scene in a play at my college! That sucked!

What is the sexiest thing you have ever done?

Wow, there are a lot of these moments too! I loved it when I had my lover tie me up to the Ab Roller with my legs up & over it. Then he made me do crunches while he fucked me silly! That was hot! I told you I’m a freak!

What are your plans for the future?

Music! Music! Music! And money.

Leonardo Calcagno, well know writer in Montreal Canada. He’s been writing for local Canadian, Americano and European e-zines and zines in French, Spanish and English for almost 5 years. More known to get hate letters from right-wing housewives and to get into fights with promoters who don’t let him interview bands! You will mostly see him eating tofu dogs and drinking Guinness with his laptop in Montreal writing another article about politics, music and sex. Graduated with a bachelor degree in International Politics with a minor on international law… his parents are still wondering why he took on a life of sex writer! Tattooed with Che, Husker Du and ARA! Played chino-Hispanic punk on Les Kalisses D’immigrant, Trash Blues on Les Tetes Reduites and now stoner rock on Your Sister ! He contributes on Freezerbox.com, Kerozen, Indymedia.org, Stooky.com, Eroticandy.com, Biotech Montreal Action, QuebecTel, Zona de Obra and other zines!

For more of Leonardo’s work, please visit www.montrealnightguide.com and www.montrealconfidential.com

My Boys Can Swim!

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My Boys Can Swim!  The Great Sperm Race

By Leonardo Calcagno

Ever heard the expression “My boys can swim?” Well at the ARS Electronic Festival in Vienna, they got down to the real deal. On September 3rd and 4th, visitors had the opportunity to submit a semen sample (participants were encouraged to jerk off to porn and ejaculate into their condom) and donate the spunk to a sperm race. Each sperm unit was assigned a numerical code and entered to the race, while the lucky donor could observe his sperm cells trough penetrative radio microscope. The sperm were then digitally photographed (enlarged 1,000x) at the finish line. Female visitors were encouraged to bet and wager on the sperm race..

This race was a way to promote the breaking of social taboos in regard to reproductive technology used widely in the world and a direct assault on how we look at our sexuality in the future. “Facilitating an encounter with science means also seeing the entire reality of this science and not just pretty pictures of it…only this way can people make contact with science and find a way to approach it,” said Reinhard Nestelbacher, a molecular biologist at the University of Salzburg.

The electronic and digital artist community that staged the race was also using it as a platform on ethical and moral messages for people to think about the future of sex.

“Giving the opportunity to the people to see up close their own sperm…you make them think about their human potential as creator and destroyer in the era of technology. Internet and pornography sites have changed the way to acquire sex and masturbate,” explained M. Teresa Pujol, a digital biologist at the University of Barcelona. “Don’t be shocked about masturbation; it’s a normal sexual function and everybody does it. The sex industry is the one that makes more money in the net and there’s millions of people using sexual products. The foundation of life is sex, and the digitalization of life as we know is changing everything and everyone.”

Madonna and Jodie Foster use it and many other well-known personalities, but still with the so-called sexual openness of our society, it seems sex is still a disturbing subject.

The ARS Next Sex platform gave us a great festival of our sexual future, by examining human and post human sexuality in the age of cloning, in vitro and genetic engineering.

Other highlights from the festival: Do we need humans, anymore?

The decoding of the human genome, cloning of human embryos in Great Britain and the field of genetic engineering have all changed the way we look at human sexuality and reproduction. For instance, Nobuya Unno, a researcher at the University of Tokyo’s Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology, has developed an artificial womb capable of incubating goat fetuses. This method has been seen by many scientists as a big scary step to eliminate the mother’s nine-month pregnancy term. The repercussions of this technology are enormous. Think about it.

By the way, a 31-year-old Austrian named Lemon was ranked first in the races.

Leonardo Calcagno, well know writer in Montreal Canada. He’s been writing for local Canadian, Americano and European e-zines and zines in French, Spanish and English for almost 5 years. More known to get hate letters from right-wing housewives and to get into fights with promoters who don’t let him interview bands! You will mostly see him eating tofu dogs and drinking Guinness with his laptop in Montreal writing another article about politics, music and sex. Graduated with a bachelor degree in International Politics with a minor on international law… his parents are still wondering why he took on a life of sex writer! Tattooed with Che, Husker Du and ARA! Played chino-Hispanic punk on Les Kalisses D’immigrant, Trash Blues on Les Tetes Reduites and now stoner rock on Your Sister ! He contributes on Freezerbox.com, Kerozen, Indymedia.org, Stooky.com, Eroticandy.com, Biotech Montreal Action, QuebecTel, Zona de Obra and other zines!

For more of Leonardo’s work, please visit www.montrealnightguide.com and www.montrealconfidential.com

Stop Clown Porno!

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By Leonardo Calcagno

Porno clowns? Yes you heard me! Porno clowns! Forget Bozo making balloon animals. It’s more likely you’d see them in hardcore porn videos, in nasty position all over the net or at fetish nights carving into carnal pleasures…and some “real” clowns are getting pissed. Pissed ‘cause they’re using their trademark as a tool in pornography. This clown exploitation could damage the foundations of the clowning profession (happily dressed-up middle-aged men, eating more cake that they should while making kids smile, or getting shot out of a cannon or whatever it is that clowns really do).

Who will trust clowns after such sexual explicit behavior, because some clowns are making some side money after your kid’s birthday making porno flicks! Clown have always been beings with no sexuality on our collective conscious, but these days anything goes. Stop Clown Porno Now! Is an organization on a mission to stop pornographic clowns, and clean up the clown image. I swear this is true!

Leonardo: What is Stop Clown Porno Now?

SCPN: Stop Clown Porn Now is a loosely organized and affiliated grassroots campaign out to put an end to the travesty that is Clown Pornography. Our members organize protests against clown pornographers and in support of legitimate, non-porno clowns; we also try to provide local support for clowns in peril and persons afflicted with the clown paraphilia, sometimes called “coulrophilia.”

Are you guys serious?

Yes, we are serious. Clown pornography is a serious problem. The central problem with clown pornography is its too-often-conscious attempt to exploit the power that the clown archetype has in relation to each of our psyches. We graciously admit that, historically, the clown has been intimately associated with sexual antics, but the Ancient Greeks who placed huge phalli on their comic actors are long dead, and so is the unholy common-law marriage of the clown and sexual abandon. To reintroduce sex to that archetype is to tinker with the fundamental structures of our collective psychology. Clown porn also poses a more immediate, less esoteric threat. It is well known that clown jobs are difficult to come by in this country — Ringling Brothers even had to close the doors to its clown college in 1998, when the organization recognized that its graduates were glutting the market. What other jobs are available to clowns where they can express themselves? We fear that a number sell themselves to the whimsies of the paying communities of the clown fetishists.

How many porno clowns are around?

There are at least 20 professionally made adult videos that are available in the United States that depict clowns in sexually inappropriate scenarios. There are at least three Penthouse pictorials in which the models are made up like clowns, three Playboy pictorials, and a handful of picture spreads in less reputable glossy-print girlie mags. There are hundreds of pornographic Web sites featuring either real clowns, models dressed as clowns, or non-clown pornographic models who have been digitally re-mastered of the clown in a sick effort to snake a buck from the fetishist population. We doubt even if any can juggle, although a couple have proven their pie-making and throwing skills.

How do you feel about Dr. Doolitle?

Dr. Doolittle’s message of the healthy expression of human sexuality is of no concern to us or the cause. However, her alter ego, Knockers the Klown, has organized one of the most insidious clownsploitation events staged to date, the clown orgy filmed by HBO’s Sex Bytes. Although Knockers’ public appearances since this debacle are tame in comparison to the frightening forced clown-on-clown action that’s out there, waiting to subvert our cultural archetype of the well-belled white faced fellow, she is the most widely recognized of the Porn Clowns. As such, we castigate her with all the venom of PETA attacking Ringling Brothers.

Does it affect children?

The sequential mention of “children” and “pornography” is anathema to usual, and as such, we do not usually respond to questions of this type. However, it must be noted that McDonald’s does not use Ronald to market their burgers to adults.

Are you a professional clown?

I, Infozo, am not a professional clown, but instead merely a supporter of clowns and an admirer of their craft. We do have pro clowns as members of the organization, and welcome any who should approach us

How can you become a member?

To become a member of SCPN merely requires visiting the supporters’ section of the Web site, reading and agreeing to the statement, and sending off an e-mail expressing your intentions. We of course welcome the planning and execution of grassroots actions. Advice can be found in the “ACT” section of our Web site.

Do you think that Krusty the Klown is into porno?

Krusty the Klown is, in fact, a cartoon character, and is hence devoid of desires and motivations. It is possible that his artists, voice-actors, and writers are into porno. It is even more likely that their revelry in depicting Krusty as, well, crusty, is in part due to the diffused responsibility that accompanies group efforts. We can only hope that, if Krusty were in fact the moral captain of his own actions, that he would not be into porno.

What are the consequences of Porno clowns?

The consequences of clown pornography include, but are not limited to: the subversion of the clown cultural archetype and what it stands for. The last time this happened was with the terror-clown, and just look where that’s gotten us; the degradation of clowns everywhere and their venerable professional craft; the facilitation of the unnatural propagation of coulrophilia, possibly to epidemic proportions; the increased chance that a legitimate clown will be abused by a wrong-headed clown paraphiliac.


Note: This site no longer exists.

Leonardo Calcagno, well know writer in Montreal Canada. He’s been writing for local Canadian, Americano and European e-zines and zines in French, Spanish and English for almost 5 years. More known to get hate letters from right-wing housewives and to get into fights with promoters who don’t let him interview bands! You will mostly see him eating tofu dogs and drinking Guinness with his laptop in Montreal writing another article about politics, music and sex. Graduated with a bachelor degree in International Politics with a minor on international law… his parents are still wondering why he took on a life of sex writer! Tattooed with Che, Husker Du and ARA! Played chino-Hispanic punk on Les Kalisses D’immigrant, Trash Blues on Les Tetes Reduites and now stoner rock on Your Sister ! He contributes on Freezerbox.com, Kerozen, Indymedia.org, Stooky.com, Eroticandy.com, Biotech Montreal Action, QuebecTel, Zona de Obra and other zines!

For more of Leonardo’s work, please visit www.montrealnightguide.com and www.montrealconfidential.com

Heavy Metal Sex

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By Leonardo Calcagno

The robot fetish is alive and well because some of us are having wild sex with humanoids, wind-up toys, human mannequins, mechanical dolls and other things resembling human genitals.

Digital sex is the way to the future! Plug your genitals with ultra sensitive sensors, open yourself to the possibility of the Internet and voila! You can enjoy sex with somebody in Tokyo while at home in Montreal. Digital sex is pretty far-out…. But now close your eyes. Imagine yourself caressing a beautiful humanoid body. The cold metal body presses next to your body and responds to your every command with the push of a button. Imagine licking your lips with lust when the robot from Metropolis [Fritz Lang movie] comes out on the screen or mentally undressing those Manga robots or better having wet dreams with the robot maid from the Jetsons!

If you have had this thoughts or any wet dreams of sex with a robot… well you are not alone. The robot fetish is alive and well as some of us are having wild sex with humanoids, wind-up toys, human mannequins, mechanical dolls or any mechanical being close to a human. I had the chance for an e-mail interview with David, a sexual robot fetishist, to understand the thrill of metal.

Sex with robots! I heard about dolls, but tell me why robots?

David: I don’t know! I love the perfect curve that won’t ever go away with age. The perfect doll face always smiling at you and controlling her movement…. It’s just a dazzling feeling. It’s a fascinating idea to have an extremely passive, very submissive lover that can be controled with a switch or a command.

Do you have sex with people?

I do, but it’s very rare. I rather have a robot.

Do the works of Sorayama pinups arouse you?

Oh, god yes! His images are so perfect and the union between human and machine is so sexy. There’s something about a Sorayama robot sexually that it becomes an erotica dreamland of desire and lust. You just want to kiss them and fool around with them.

Like any fetish group, do you guys have different type of robot fetishisms?

Sure. We have those who lust about robots but won’t have sex with them. There are those who have sex with robots or humanoids; and there are those who are cruel and have extreme dominant/submissive sexual play, where the robot can be dismantled in a rape scene… but those are very rare.

Why rare?

Because having sex with a robot is like having sex with a human. It has to be a passion consumed by two people with respect. There’s a preparation of flirting and love making at the same stage as humans. Of course she or he is made out of plastic or metal but there is respect.

Is there sex with a windup doll?

There are those who prefer windup dolls. Personally I don’t, because there is this time lapse that I don’t like. I prefer robots that you can plug in and with artificial intelligence that comes with emotional and sexual response circuits responding to your needs.

Can you tell me about the preparation?

You need a lot of imagination and deep desire for the robot or humanoid…. It needs to feel pampered and loved. You need to change her clothes, picking from a preset wardrobe, like a doll. Change her hair style, do her manicure. Candle dinners and spending time with the robot.

Do you have different robots to be used for different purposes?

Yes I do. I have three robots: Lucy is a blonde robot who I share my sentimental life with. She’s made out of silicon and has a beautiful doll face. Elvira is a black robot with a minimum artificial intelligence and sensors so she can moan, say “I love you” and tell my name while we are intimate. Brandy, she’s more sophisticated, she can move her lips to kiss me. She’s exactly like Elvira but when you plug her in, she heats up. Everyone has her own personality.

What is alt.sex.fetish.robots?

The alt.sex.fetish.robots (ASFR) newsgroup is dedicated to the discussion of the concept of sex with or sexual attraction to robots and robot-like beings. This can range from metallic, non-humanoid machines to humanoid androids. Discussions can deal with specific fantasies, fiction relating to the topic and connected ideas like people behaving like/turned into human mannequins, dolls, toys, and other hypnosis and mesmerism fantasies that involve the mechanical/monotone response that appeals to the members.

Isn’t all this about the “woman as sex object” thing that women’s groups complain about?

If anything, techno-sexualism is the exact opposite of the objectification of women — it’s the feminization of objects. Why force a woman to do something she doesn’t want to (something I find reprehensible) when you can create something that not only WANTS to do it, but LOVES to, because it’s what she was built for. Radical feminists are always trying to get along without men, why can’t we try the opposite? Many have said it’s the ultimate male fantasy. Guilt-free, repercussion free. A robot girl is there for you, she’ll never say no, she’ll never get tired, and she’s always pretty. But I think there’s just something lovely about a pretty girl. And the robot girl is the (il)logical end result – a girl who has no purpose other than to be pretty. To please her man (or woman, there are female members) is all she’s programmed for.

Any good movies about sex with robots?

Android – Klaus Kinski as a mad scientist on a space station who builds two androids for company, one of them a sexy blonde.

Beach Fever – Teens develop love potion, which is then stolen by gangsters who use it to turn women into prostitutes. Some of the entranced women act quite stiff and robotic. .

Blade Runner – Kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it? Little action at all, really, save for a scene where Darryl Hannah plays mannequin to trap Harrison Ford.

Cherry 2000 – Near-future SF film about a pleasure droid who malfunctions and the search for a replacement in the typical Dystopian wasteland. A few nice moves, near the beginning and right at the end.

Cybersex – Man hacks into what looks like a singles bulletin board, but is actually a control system for a female military robot. It breaks free to meet her new lover. Nice costumes and sets, a good start up or two, but not much else.

Frankenhooker – Guy’s girl dies in a lawnmower accident, and he rebuilds her using parts of hookers. Hilarious film by Frank Hennenlotter (Basket Case)

Living Doll – Porn film about a toy store full of randy dolls, including an “Electronic” woman doll, a teddy bear

Mannequin/Mannequin 2 – One woman in each film are mannequins that come to life when alone with their love.

Metropolis – The classic silent film by Fritz Lang. The Maria automaton is a classic design, and her human form is also quite sensual

Night of the Living Debbies – Nina Hartley stars in this film about a (all together now) mad scientist who builds robot sex dolls, including a robotic blowjob.

RoboSex – Aliens kidnap people, turn them into sex robots in an attempt to take over the world.

Robotrix – Hong Kong action flick about an android made in the image of a dead lady cop. Some nudity, some non-consensual sex (not by the robot though.)

Space Virgins – Porn film parody of Invaders from Mars. People are taken over by aliens and have some very impressive robotic sex.

Bionic Woman/Six Million Dollar Man – Aside from title characters, Fembots seen in assorted episodes.

Where can you get robot or humanoid porno?

Get the catalog for five bucks by writing to:
SWV Catalog
PO Box 33664
Seattle WA 98133
or call them at (206) 361-3759

Also attend many Sci-Fi and horror conventions, where many other of the films and TV shows may be found.

Leonardo Calcagno, well know writer in Montreal Canada. He’s been writing for local Canadian, Americano and European e-zines and zines in French, Spanish and English for almost 5 years. More known to get hate letters from right-wing housewives and to get into fights with promoters who don’t let him interview bands! You will mostly see him eating tofu dogs and drinking Guinness with his laptop in Montreal writing another article about politics, music and sex. Graduated with a bachelor degree in International Politics with a minor on international law… his parents are still wondering why he took on a life of sex writer! Tattooed with Che, Husker Du and ARA! Played chino-Hispanic punk on Les Kalisses D’immigrant, Trash Blues on Les Tetes Reduites and now stoner rock on Your Sister ! He contributes on Freezerbox.com, Kerozen, Indymedia.org, Stooky.com, Eroticandy.com, Biotech Montreal Action, QuebecTel, Zona de Obra and other zines!

For more of Leonardo’s work, please visit www.montrealnightguide.com and www.montrealconfidential.com

The Sky’s the Limit

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By Leonardo Calcagno

Bored of having sex on the bed? Maybe you should try the kitchen, bathroom or sofa! Still bored? Try a threesome, kinky leather or sex with someone else. Or maybe you could spice it up by having sex on an airplane, instantly becoming a Mile High Club member. Everybody has at lease once heard about stories of people having sex on planes, if not with those cute air hostesses and stewards, a cute single traveler or your vacationing partner. A lot of people brag about having sex in an airplane, but most of them are just talking shit….still the Mile High Club is real, very popular and something worth considering.

To become a Mile High Club member you need to be engaged in sexual intercourse at an attitude of at least 5,280 feet. Some people will tell you that you need to be at the controls of an airplane while having sex, but those who have performed in lavatories aboard a plane are welcome members. What better way to get a sex scoop than from a pilot, so I made a couple of calls and talked with Captain A. McDonald, a commercial airline pilot who works for a Canadian mega-airline (guess which one).

Leonardo: Who’s the founder of the Mile High Club?

Captain McDonald: It’s Lawrence Sperry, the inventor of the automatic pilot. He’s was a rich handsome pilot that died at age 31. I’m not sure exactly when was the first time, but it’s around 1915-17.

I’ve heard some pilots saying that the “real” Mile High Club members are the ones in control of an airplane…

Yes, that’s true. For a long time, pilots were exclusively members. But with millions of people flying all over the world, the club has expended to everybody in an airplane.

Are you a member?

Yes! I was single at the time. I’m married now.

Have you heard about the actual Mile High Club? What do they do?

It’s pretty much a club like any other club. They have events, sell t-shirts, have news letters, they have these gatherings and events. They have fashion shows for civilians, who want to buy air service clothing.

You are telling me that there’s an airplane fetish going on?

I guess you can call it that; it’s some kind of fetish. There are people that steal things off airplanes to sexually fantasize about air hostesses. There are always stories about travelers trying to have sex with them, or trying to buy their scarf or underwear. Girls come to the cockpit and slip us invitations with room numbers for wild sex. It must be the uniform.

Is it true that having sex in higher altitudes allows for bigger orgasms?

[Laughs] I don’t know if you get a bigger orgasm but it’s true that the high air pressure does something to your body and when you cum it’s pretty amazing. The only thing is that you get this tremendous pleasure, hard to describe if you have never done it in a plane.

I got to try it! What’s the most common place for sex?

The toilet is the best place, some use the covers to play with each other and others give blow jobs under it.

What happen if you get caught?

You’re under arrest. We call the nearest local airport police in our route and they pick you up. It’s a $500 fine and you’re charged with sex in a public place. You also lose your flight.

Is there a technique or something special you need to have sex in the bathroom?

You can’t be fat, that’s one! It’s very easy to get stuck. If you only knew how many people get stuck in the bathroom. Be very flexible to enjoy your experience. Don’t start screaming when you get to orgasm: that will give you away. Don’t get drunk, you may hurt yourself….that pretty much raps it up.

What’s your more interesting sex story?

I was just beginning my pilot career, it was a flight from Montreal to Rome. I went to the bathroom and to chat with the air hostess. In the corner of my eyes I spotted two beautiful dark hair Italians looking at me and smiling with this lusty look and I smiled back, just to be polite. I went back to the cockpit, and after 20 minutes one of the air hostess brought me a note with a picture….it was a invitation to a threesome with the two Italian girls, one of them was waiting for me in the toilet. So I went.

Is their a way to have sex on a plane without being in trouble?

There are travel agencies that specialized in the Mile High Club around the States. I don’t know any in Canada. The other way is to get a private plane and book it for a sex. extravaganza. This way you won’t break the law.

Can this agency be used for prostitution?

Yeah, sure. There are travel agencies specializing in pedophilia travel, I wouldn’t be surprised if they could use an agency for air prostitution. But that wouldn’t qualify “legally” as a Mile High Club practice.

Does every air personnel have an in-flight sex experience?

95% of personnel has had some sexual encounter. There are a lot of parties and lonely nights away from home…. and people love air hostess and pilots, so it’s normal that you get action.

How to become a member [Taken from the milehighclub.com]

1- Call your local travel agent and book a flight to wherever, it doesn’t matter.

2- Get ready to negotiate your seat assignment for one closer to your unsuspecting passenger. Hint: don’t offer your blanket and pillows, because you’ll need them.

3- Wait for the movie to start before you start your own movie. You don’t want to get arrested for indecent exposure aboard an airline.

4- Before you start your aerial pleasures, make sure you are at least 5,280ft AGL [a mile high above the earth], just to make it official.

5- And don’t forget to share this intimate experience with the MileHighClub.com.

Company that offer flights to couple the Mile High Club experience:

Some of you who maybe interested to live such experience, and are embarrassment to make your move, here are some air line agency’s:

Fantasie Aloft
San Jose, California
(408) 275-8500
e-mail: thunderbirdaviation@earthlink.net

New York Aviation Corporation
La Guardia Airport, NY
(718) 279-4000
e-mail: n_y_aviation@earthlink.net

Camelot Air Tours
Arvada, Colorado
(888) 802-9418
E-mail: eaarth@ibm.net

Flamingo airlines
Cincinnati, Ohio
(606) 802-6889
E-mail: flamingoair@lunken.com

Aero-Tech Inc.
Lexington, Kentucky
(606) 254-8906
E-mail: arlynn@mis.net

Captain Bud Fuchs Trimotor Air Tours
Long Beach, California
(800) 493-3003
E-mail: Trimotor2@aol.com

Leonardo Calcagno, well know writer in Montreal Canada. He’s been writing for local Canadian, Americano and European e-zines and zines in French, Spanish and English for almost 5 years. More known to get hate letters from right-wing housewives and to get into fights with promoters who don’t let him interview bands! You will mostly see him eating tofu dogs and drinking Guinness with his laptop in Montreal writing another article about politics, music and sex. Graduated with a bachelor degree in International Politics with a minor on international law… his parents are still wondering why he took on a life of sex writer! Tattooed with Che, Husker Du and ARA! Played chino-Hispanic punk on Les Kalisses D’immigrant, Trash Blues on Les Tetes Reduites and now stoner rock on Your Sister ! He contributes on Freezerbox.com, Kerozen, Indymedia.org, Stooky.com, Eroticandy.com, Biotech Montreal Action, QuebecTel, Zona de Obra and other zines!

For more of Leonardo’s work, please visit www.montrealnightguide.com and www.montrealconfidential.com

So You Wanna Be a Porn Star? An interview with Ana Loria

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So You Wanna Be a Porn Star? An interview with Ana Loria
By Leonardo Calcagno

Sex!Sex!Sex! a word that get some going crazy and others smiling. Porno!Porno!Porno! well there is a word that when mentioned, most of our society barks for murder. But hypocrisy is a sad thing; show me anyone who never saw a porno movie or magazine and I’ll tell you that they’re lying just to be interesting.

From the beginning of time, people have always felt the urge to sexually fantasize, but most of them are too chicken to venture into the world of flesh and horniness. But some are taking this world into the mainstream with hip zines, movies and clothing lines like Porn Star. But porno still makes people uncomfortable. Did you know that people would rather see war and misery on TV than people having sex? They are shocked and bark to stop it at any cost (freaking right wing close-minded society — sorry had to write that).

But like any war to win minds and change perceptions, there are those who resist society’s knee-jerk censorship and prohibition of anything sexual, by taking porn to the people and helping them to overcome their sexual frustration.

Ana Loria is just one of those people. This beautiful lady took time to tell me of her crusade, her book 1-2-3 Be a Porn Star! A Step-by-Step Guide to the Adult Industry and safesex.org, a website that helps people fulfill their sexual desires.

Leonardo: Tell me a little about yourself.

Ana Loria: I am a model and an aspiring actress, but probably my most unique aspect is my view of sexuality. Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been a very sex-positive person, and I’ve always felt that society is completely screwed-up in its moral priorities. I feel that this world could be such a better place if there were ten times the sex and one-tenth the violence. So why do our advertisements tease and titillate so much, when the reality is that most people do not get as much sex as they want? I believe it’s because that inner dissatisfaction makes us hungrier as consumers, so it’s good for big business, but it’s bad for our souls and spirits. That’s why I’ve made it my personal mission to help people enjoy safe-sex as much and as easily as possible.

What urged you to do porno or get involved in the adult industry?

Actually, I’ve never had any aspiration to be an adult performer, and so I’ve never appeared in any pornography. Of course, I’ve had plenty of opportunity, and I do enjoy lingerie and bikini modeling. But believe it or not, I’m quite a private person. On the other hand, I will say that I find most porn stars extremely brave and wonderful people.

What’s safesex.org?

SAFESEX.ORG is the website I’ve administered for the past five years, with the most excellent help and funding of my publisher, InfoNet Publications. The site is designed to help men and women learn about all the ways one can get paid to participate in safe sex programs. It also is a resource for people who want to become escorts, dancers, masseuses, phone sex operators, Internet strippers, tantric sex teachers, adult movie stars, and much more. Recently, we just unveiled our new website SEXYJOBS.COM which is super-cool because it has a free job board where you can check out listings posted by adult industry employers. Plus you can post a free ad to let employers know you are looking for a sexy job. To my knowledge, it’s the only job site on the Internet for adult performers.

Tell me a little bit about your book: 1-2-3 Be a Porn Star!

Let’s face it, at some point or another, just about everyone fantasizes about being a porn star. Who wouldn’t want to get paid to enjoy sex in exotic locations with beautiful people? Of course, the problem has been figuring out how to break into this secretive business. But the fact is, the porn world is booming. Over 10,000 new adult videos are now being produced every year, and the demand for talent is at an all-time high. So I wrote the book in order to help people find the right places to look for work. It tells you who the right people are, how you can meet them, and how to land your all-important first job. And how to avoid being burned.

Whether you’re male or female, my book is designed to make it easy to cut through the usual obstacles. I give up-to-date contact information for all the best talent agents, directors and producers, along with advice in their own words for how to ensure your success. Plus I interviewed legendary porn stars like Jill Kelly, Max Hardcore, Nina Hartley, Peter North, Stacy Valentine, Randy West, Sharon Mitchell, Ashlyn Gere, Guy DeSilva, Annabel Chong and many more. 1-2-3 BE A PORN STAR! covers all the main areas of porn, including amateur, mainstream, hardcore, softcore, fetish, gonzo, gay, bi, lesbian, transsexual and couples. Extensive discussion is devoted to how to produce and market your own adult material. In addition to the video industry, I also discuss opportunities in cable, CD-ROM, DVD, print media and the booming Internet arena. Plus, of course, I had to devote an entire chapter to health and safety issues for adult performers.

Do you urge people with sexual fantasies to try porno?

I always urge people to be as honest as possible with themselves and their partners about what kind of sexual experiences would turn them on the most. I think fantasies are meant to be fulfilled… not stifled. Because repressed desire is what makes us mean and nasty and stupid! In other words, as long as its consensual, I say go for it.

Whats your advice for somebody thinking about a porno career?

Educate yourself! Read my book and Nina Hartley’s stuff, and check out Sharon Mitchell’s AIM Health Care Foundation. Make sure you know what you’re getting into and who you are dealing with… and then HAVE FUN!

Do you have fans, and have you encounter many weird ones?

Yes, I estimate that I’ve received over 100,000 e-mail letters from my kind website visitors over the past few years. Thanks to everyone, I’ve learned so much about humans it could fill 20 books! And yes, even the weird ones are appreciated. Because weird is human, so let’s not make anyone feel bad about who they are.

Are you married, and if yes how does your husband feels about it?

I’m not married… yet. I love people too much to commit to one right now, but I do intend to… and I know we will rock each other’s worlds.

How do you feel about anti-porno right-wing movements?

I understand their dilemma. They have a lot of pain and anger and conditioning to wrestle with, and sexuality scares them deeply. I just wish I could make them see that we actually improve as a species from having hot kinky wild sex. We are evolving to understand this, so I’m not worried.

Has porno become mainstream?

Yes, but I’m afraid a lot of this has to do with money. The next step is for it to be about love, respect, and personal growth.

Any last thoughts?

Yes, here’s a big kiss for everyone who loves sex and hates violence. Oh, in case you’re interested you can also find my books on Amazon. They’re also at Borders or Barnes and Noble. Yippee!

Leonardo Calcagno, well know writer in Montreal Canada. He’s been writing for local Canadian, Americano and European e-zines and zines in French, Spanish and English for almost 5 years. More known to get hate letters from right-wing housewives and to get into fights with promoters who don’t let him interview bands! You will mostly see him eating tofu dogs and drinking Guinness with his laptop in Montreal writing another article about politics, music and sex. Graduated with a bachelor degree in International Politics with a minor on international law… his parents are still wondering why he took on a life of sex writer! Tattooed with Che, Husker Du and ARA! Played chino-Hispanic punk on Les Kalisses D’immigrant, Trash Blues on Les Tetes Reduites and now stoner rock on Your Sister ! He contributes on Freezerbox.com, Kerozen, Indymedia.org, Stooky.com, Eroticandy.com, Biotech Montreal Action, QuebecTel, Zona de Obra and other zines!

For more of Leonardo’s work, please visit www.montrealnightguide.com and www.montrealconfidential.com

Vulva U

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By Leonardo Calcagno

The best way to for a guy to know the secrets of womanhood is to go to school. Just like some women need to get closer with their sexuality because of social or personal repression, men also can benefit from a bit of libido lessons. Sexuality is part of humanity and we are all very horny all the time, especially guys who, alas, don’t know shit about women. I went and talked to Dorrie Lane, the director of Vulva University. She will helps us refresh our sex lives and make us all vulvalutionaries. Her classes are mostly for women, but guys are welcome to join.

Leonardo: What’s Vulva University?

Dorrie Lane: Vulva University is an education site for sex through the eyes of women. It is primarily focussed on women’s issues around sex, all kinds of sex. All of our instructors are women. The 3 R’s of Vulva University are: Refresh your libido, Rejuvenate your sexual desire, and Realize your sexual potential.

…and House O’Chicks?

House O’Chicks is my company I started 10 years ago, to respond to the negative images of women as sexual beings. I am producing a video encyclopedia of “Sex Through the Eyes of Women,” to help dispel those negative images for women. I also created the Wondrous Vulva Puppet to give expression to our sexual feelings.

Is their something wrong with girls and their sexuality?

There is nothing wrong with girls and their sexuality, it’s society’s attitude, the media’s influence on body images of women and the way sex or sexuality is referenced by the powerful moral and media machines. Girls are getting the wrong or no message at all.

If you want to enroll to your university, what are the conditions?

Enrollment is free, and open to everyone, you register and select how you want to receive the classes, either online with a password into the lessons or through your email. You can select any class you want. We have a discussion board for each class too.

How can women develop their sexual potential?

First by not feeling negative or shameful about sex, then to experience the positive and self-healing aspects of sex. So many women are sexual in very limiting ways, many to satisfy others and not themselves. Many are limiting their experiences because of the “whore/madonna” label, (not the pop icon, she is vulvalutionary) or guilt and shame. Sex is used as a weapon too, which is contrary to the love potential.

Can you give us some pointers in masturbation?

Sure, the first pointer is the ability to understand your body through masturbation, how it responds to different touch in different places. Another area of exploration is the process of healing yourself through masturbation. I’m talking about menstrual cramps, sadness, headaches, common aches and pains not cancers and serious diseases, I don’t want you to get the impression that masturbation is that powerful, but on a deeper level, self loving is the basis for a loving life. In the masturbation class, which I teach, I stress the importance of self acceptance, of releasing shame, and of course plenty of techniques and resources.

…and the G-Spot?

A woman needs to know she has one first, then she needs to know how to keep it healthy. The G-spot is highly controversial because the medical books that most med. schools use haven’t been updated in well over 50 years and the sexual anatomy of women is outdated, so of course the 2-3 hours of sexual anatomy med. students receive is no great asset to providing good information and therefore, supporting its existence.

…and your class “Lesbian Sex 101″?

This class is an introduction to Lesbian sex, the teachers, Mikaya Heart and Kyree Klimist are sensitive to and speak to women who are curious about the social and emotional aspects of being with a woman sexually. The advance courses go into more detail on the sexual levels and techniques. Again, all the courses are presented in a non-judgemental way.

Do you think that men have a lack of sexual education?

I think EVERYONE has a lack of sexual education.

Do you have any famous Vulva student’s?

I don’t reveal my student’s names or identity.

What does a lack of sexual knowledge do to men and women?

It restrains your potential, it creates confusion on many levels, for women, who equate sex with love, it can be emotionally damaging. For men, who equate sex with power, a lack of sexual knowledge can leave them powerless.

Where can we enroll?

You can enroll at http://www.houseochicks.com/

Leonardo Calcagno, well know writer in Montreal Canada. He’s been writing for local Canadian, Americano and European e-zines and zines in French, Spanish and English for almost 5 years. More known to get hate letters from right-wing housewives and to get into fights with promoters who don’t let him interview bands! You will mostly see him eating tofu dogs and drinking Guinness with his laptop in Montreal writing another article about politics, music and sex. Graduated with a bachelor degree in International Politics with a minor on international law… his parents are still wondering why he took on a life of sex writer! Tattooed with Che, Husker Du and ARA! Played chino-Hispanic punk on Les Kalisses D’immigrant, Trash Blues on Les Tetes Reduites and now stoner rock on Your Sister ! He contributes on Freezerbox.com, Kerozen, Indymedia.org, Stooky.com, Eroticandy.com, Biotech Montreal Action, QuebecTel, Zona de Obra and other zines!

For more of Leonardo’s work, please visit www.montrealnightguide.com and www.montrealconfidential.com

Female Ejaculation: A new Reason to Like Hot Chocolate.

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By Lauri Jean Crowe

In this 2001 article, Lauri Jean Crowe interviews Stephanie, who accidentally discovered the phenomenon of female ejaculation and ran to the doctor’s office!

LJCROWE: Let’s talk about orgasms. Have you ever faked one?

STEPHANIE: Every orgasm I had until almost the age of 22 was fake. I kind of had to fake them. I was married shortly after my 18 birthday and had been with my “husband” for about two years. He was very controlling and abusive and he would get very angry and accuse me of having an affair if I did not have an orgasm while having sex with him. So, I learned how to fake them — from the third time we had sex until we divorced five years later.

LJCROWE: You’ve said you had your first “real” orgasm when you were almost 22 years old, have you ever had an ejaculatory orgasm?

STEPHANIE: Yes. It was shortly after having my first real orgasm; maybe the second or third time.

LJCROWE: How did that come about?

STEPHANIE: I was with my fiance’ at the time and he was stimulating me with his hand. When I had an orgasm, there was a feeling — kind of hard to describe — but not knowing what it was, I thought maybe I had urinated a little or something. When I said something out loud, my fiancee told me, “No, you just came — it’s okay.” But when I went to the bathroom and noticed something on me and the tissue, I got scared. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me so I made a doctor’s appointment. I guess that not knowing much about sex (I had only been  with two men to this point in my life) and being new to the whole orgasm experience, my naivety got the best of me.

LJCROWE: So, your fiancee just said, “it’s okay” and had no other reaction?

STEPHANIE: My fiancee was proud.  He said he had never made a woman cum that hard before. I didn’t tell him that it scared me or anything; I just let him think what he wanted.

LJCROWE: Were you more open with your doctor about your fears?

STEPHANIE: Yes, I made a doctor’s appointment that day and was in his office two days later. When I explained what happened, he went to his office and brought me back a paper he had photocopied out of one of his books on “female ejaculation.” It was very informative and he explained it all to me pretty well. He assured me that I was not a freak, that there was nothing physically wrong with me and that I was actually a rare type of woman. I guess he was trying to help me feel better about it by making me feel special.

LJCROWE: And that you are. Having never had one myself, can you explain how an ejaculatory orgasm feels?

STEPHANIE: OK – this one is hard; it kind of feels like when you drink a cup of hot chocolate — how it warms you as it goes down — only backwards. The feeling warms you as you build and then as you reach orgasm and then goes outward. Does that make sense?

LJCROWE: Sort of. I’ve drank water backward to get rid of hiccups, but this sensation sounds like one you want to keep! Can you control when you have them or are they spontaneous?

STEPHANIE: No, I can’t control it — or at least I haven’t learned how to yet if there is a way to control it. When it happens, it happens but it doesn’t happen every single time. I know that when I have a harder orgasm, I ejaculate but as I am also multi-orgasmic, I only ejaculate with the first one; I have never noticed it with any after the first.

LJCROWE: This may sound naive, but how far does the ejaculate shoot?

STEPHANIE: Not far, if at all. As most of the time it happens with vaginal sex, I don’t know how far it goes because there is something blocking it from getting out. But, with clitoral, it usually ends up on the bed below me or the floor below me — whichever the case may be.

LJCROWE: What advice would you have for a woman experiencing her first ejaculatory orgasm?

STEPHANIE: I would tell them that if they have questions to ask their doctor or research the topic to find out all they can. I know there are not many female ejaculators and because we are few and far between, we should consider ourselves “special.”

LJCROWE: And what about their partners? Any advice?

STEPHANIE: Yes, don’t make her feel self conscious about it or you may hurt her more then help. It is not a disorder and she is not a freak or anything — she is just a woman who has the ability to have different types of orgasm than most. From what I have been told, there are a lot of men who would love to be with a woman who ejaculates. I have a guy friend who I did tell about it and he told me some time later that he asked his friends and they all said it would be “exciting” and that they would “really love to have sex with a woman who ejaculates.” So, that makes me feel even better about the whole thing.

LJCROWE: It doesn’t sound like it’s something to feel bad about! How do you feel about your ejaculatory orgasms now vs. when they first began?

STEPHANIE: Well, I am a little more relaxed now because I know what it is and kind of why it happens. From the first time when I was scared to now, it’s a lot better — and so is my sex life. I know that I am different then most woman and I know that what happens to me is normal for me so I am able to not focus on it and enjoy my husband.

LJCROWE: Sounds like a great improvement over faking orgasms.

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.

The Female Condom

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By Kim Draper
Published April 2001

Just another condom, think again. Now I know what most of you are thinking, what could actually be new about another condom, right now we have small, medium and large, lubricated, ribbed, extra sensitive, etc. This is the first condom to be used by women for women, the female condom. The female condom is a polyurethane (plastic) sheath with an inner ring that fits inside the vagina, around the cervix (just like a diaphragm) and an outer ring that covers the labia on the outside of the vagina. The female condom can be inserted into the vagina up to eight hours before sexual intercourse, but is for one time use only.

How to use the Female Condom:

Before sex begins, insert the female condom with your fingers, much like a tampon with no applicator. It is very important to read the instructions carefully before using, many women practice inserting the female condom once or twice, prior to having sex, so that that are familiar with how it works.

First, inspect the condom and make sure it is thoroughly lubricated on the inside and the outside. While holding the sheath at the closed end, grasp the soft, flexible inner ring and squeeze it with your thumb and middle finger so it becomes long and narrow. With the other hand, separate the outer lips of your vagina. Gently insert the inner ring into your vaginal canal. You should feel the inner ring go up and move into place. Now place your index finger on the inside of the condom, and push the inner ring up as far as it will go. Be sure the sheath is not twisted. The outer ring remains on outside of your vagina.

The sheath adheres to the vaginal wall. It lines the inner vagina, fitting on your vaginal wall like a second skin. Gently guide the penis into the sheath’s opening with your hand, to ensure that it enters properly. Be sure that the penis is not entering to the side of the sheath. It is important to use enough lubricant so that the condom stays in place during sex. If the condom is pulled out or pushed in, there is not enough lubricant. Add more to either the inside of the condom or add to your partner’s pleasure by stroking him with more lubricant on your fingers. To remove the condom, twist the outer ring twice and slowly pull out the condom and put in the trash.

Advantages to using the Female Condom:

* Easy to get and relatively inexpensive, approximately $ 2.50 each.
* Some women and men have an increased sensitivity and report a more “natural” feel.
* The Female Condom is hypoallergenic so it is an excellent alternative if you have a latex allergy.
* Full personal control, no need for special medical procedures or examinations.

Disadvantages to using the Female Condom:

* More expensive than the male condom.
* Insertion can be difficult, very slippery.
* Women who are uncomfortable with touching the vulva or vagina.

The Female Condom may not be for everyone, but with the risks of STD transmission and the HIV virus, this is one simple, safe, inexpensive, and even pleasurable way to enjoy your partner.

Kim Draper’s website www.thehealingalternative.com features information on alternative therapies.

About Kim Draper.
I am the mother of two teenage boys and the wife of a dear and wonderful man, who has a great amount of patience with me while I write and enjoy all of my other hobbies. I am a full time Executive Secretary for the City of Cedar Hill Economic Development Department (Texas, USA)  Writing has always been a hobby of mine, I enjoy writing poetry, non-fiction, fiction, and the infamous how-to articles.  I have always felt that if you know how to do something or if you have information that would benefit other people, then write it down and pass it out.  My other hobbies include, growing my own herbs, making soap, candles, and just about anything that is all natural.  I am also a certified Aromatherapist with a background in Massage Therapy and Chinese Medicine.  My motto is: you are never to old to learn new things, so I will keep on reading and studying and hopefully supply you with answers to your unanswered questions on as many topics as I can.

Spice Up Your Sex Life With Herbal Aphrodisiacs

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By Lauri Jean Crowe

Since the beginning of man’s recorded history, there have been tales of herbs used to enhance mood, pleasure and sexual response. No doubt these herbal remedies were used long before recorded history as well. Although there are many skeptics who think that aphrodisiacs are no more effective than lingerie strewn on the floor to the act of making love, there is increasing scientific evidence to support historical lore regarding the use of herbal aphrodisiacs. Typically, these remedies fall into three main categories: mood makers, hormone boosters and pleasure enhancers.

Enhancing pleasure

The main pleasure enhancing herb used is Damiana, also known by the name Turnera aphrodisiaca. Damiana is touted as elevating sexual pleasure in both men and women and although still not widely used in America, Damiana is regularly recommended in European countries for couples who are experiencing sexual difficulties. Even though this particular herb has scant empirical research to back it up, the proof lies in the testimonials of those who have used it. Damiana users have reported increased sensitivity, desire, fulfillment and in both Mexico and Central America damiana-laced liquors are still used to put bordello clientele in the mood to spend.

The FDA has approved Damiana for food use, and researchers have also found that the plant contains resins, gums, tannins and volatile oils which often end up as ingredients in commercially prepared pastries, candy, baked good and puddings. Whether used as a food additive, or its sexual attributes, damiana is worth looking into with its history of being a strong aphrodisiac which can remove impotence and frigidity regardless of age.

Damiana Tea

The easiest way to intake damiana is in a tea form. You can make the tea by steeping 1 teaspoon of dried leaves in a cup of boiling water. Steep for five to ten minutes and then strain and sip. Some might prefer to chill the tea before drinking, but hot or cold the aphrodisiac qualities are the same. For the best sexual response, it is recommended that you drink the tea approximately thirty minutes before sex.

Enhancing Mood

Mood can affect sexual satisfaction. Nervousness, anxiety and tension are all anti-sex feelings that can destroy a sexual encounter even before it starts. Passionflower is the leader in mood enhancing herbal remedies and has a long history of use in Native American cultures. Passionflower reduces stress and anxiety and is known to induce a relaxed state of min while lifting your libido. This plant contains what are known as the harmala alkaloids: harmaline, harmalol and harmine, all of which have been proven to have aphrodisiac effects on the human body. Herbal practitioners often recommend this remedy if couples are experiencing tension or anxiety which is inhibiting their sexual satisfaction.

Passionflower Tea

Passionflower may be more readily available than damiana in tablet form, and two 500mg tablets will have the same effect as drinking the tea. However, passionflower has a very pleasant taste and boiling 1 gram of passionflower bark in 1 cup of water makes an excellent tea once cooled and strained. Native American’s have even been known to smoke the bark with tobacco and other agents for a mood lifting experience.

Hormone Boosters

There is no one specific hormone booster which works for both men and women, as hormone boosting herbs tend to be gender specific. There is a long history of the use of black cohosh, also known as squaw root or by its botanical name Cimicifuga racemosa in women for a host of complaints. However, saw palmetto or Serenoa repens, is the most supported herbal hormone booster for men.

Black Cohosh for Women

This herb contains what are known as cimicifugosides which are very chemically similar to estrogen. Black Cohosh also contains actein, another estrogen like compound. These chemical similarities lead credence to the clinical applications of black cohosh which have been shown to reduce many menopausal symptoms in women such as reduce edema, heart palpitations, sweats, moodswings, headaches and more. Black cohosh also has been proven to combat vaginal dryness.

Women should avoid black cohosh if they are being treated for hormone-dependent cancers, and should be advised that usually a woman will need to take black cohosh for at least three months before a difference in sexual response is noticed. Due to the longevity of this remedy, the simplest form of intake is to take two 500mg tablets, twice daily in the morning and the evening.

Saw Palmetto for Men

Native Americans viewed saw palmetto as a warrior medicine and it has been used historically to keep men in shape for fighting. For men, perhaps the most significant aspect of saw palmetto is that it has been clinically proven to reduce the symptoms of benign prostatic hypertrophy. That means that any symptoms of this condition such as urination, poor urine output or discomfort do have an answer aside from surgery or prescription medications, both of which can have side effects of reduced sexual response in men. Men typically report an increase in libido when taking saw palmetto, but just as with black cohosh in women, saw palmetto typically must be taken for about three months before a full response is evident.

Men who choose to take saw palmetto, whether for it’s warrior lore or to ease the symptoms of benign prostatic hypertrophy and it’s related symptoms might consider using a standardized tablet form of this remedy. The best tablet form will contain 100 mg extract of saw palmetto berry which is standardized to between 85 to 95% fatty acid and sterols. However, this remedy can also be found in 500 mg tablets. The dose for either is recommended at two 500mg tablets three times a day.

Disclaimer

This information has been provided for informational purposes only. The author, nor the-vu and its affiliates, recommend taking any herbal remedies prior to consultation with your personal health care professional. This information should not be construed as a replacement for medical advice or treatment.

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.

The Myth of the Divorced Woman

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By Lauri Jean Crowe

As a woman who’s been separated from her husband for months and contemplating divorce, I have been pondering sex even more than usual. (Hard to imagine I know!) Will I be the divorced woman with all the mythos of a promiscuous she-bitch in heat looking to use men for her whims and toss them away? Not that this is all bad, but it seems it would preclude any sort of serious involvement if this stereotype persists. So, how does one go about debunking the myth?

My Aunt certainly did not know how. She was the stereotype. Divorced, two kids, and planting her lips, bottom and whatever else could accept a penis on everything available in age range 17 to 65. She had no strict criteria, just that they have a relatively functioning penis and a desire to let her play with it. She was of course, also a drunk and taking prescription painkillers along with anti-depressants to get over her failed marriage.

My aunt went from bar to bar, in her hometown, embarrassing the whole family as she stroked, sucked, licked and flicked just about every available male. Some even speculated that she would scope out high school schoolyards and she did tell a tale of stopping her vehicle aside a boy on a bike and asking him if he’d like to go and screw. Which he did. What young boy would turn down such an offer from a slender, willing woman at such an impressionable and awkward age. Enter Mrs. Robinson.

My Aunt has since ended up with a man old enough to be her father, who’s equipment no longer functions but who is willing to spend his life savings on a variety of sex toys for her pleasure. She no longer has to hunt, except from the privacy of her home via catalogues and the web. We all have our own definitions of satisfaction and happiness.

Still, all divorced women aren’t like that. Some, such as the soon to be divorced me, actually still seek monogamous relationships with a focus on both monogamy and relationship despite how bad their marriages were. All divorced women are not just oversexed vixens looking for a quick one-nighter without a name. Some of us actually want safe sex rather than just sex, sex, sex. However, I fear we are a strange and rare breed because the stereotype of the divorcee exists and is perpetuated in modern films like “American Pie”. Not only does the divorced woman drink, nowadays she is a worldly woman of means who preys on teenagers for gratification that an older man can’t give her. She wants them when she can train them. Nice thought on the training aspect, but still I would prefer a man who has experience in pleasuring a woman – that way I get the benefit of his expertise, I simply do not want the benefit of his socially contracted diseases.

Unfortunately I don’t think there is any way to debunk the myth of the divorced woman because it is too easy a trap to fall into. Women with failed marriages often have low self-esteem and a quick way to bolster it is through the attentions of men, the more the better. Others are just angry, like my friend Lana who says, “ I’m honestly not familiar with the stereotypical divorced woman. I don’t think I was typical. I reveled in my freedom, and targeted several of his friends for seduction. I was very bitter and angry towards him, and was bent on revenge. I didn’t think beyond hurting him”.

Fortunately, advances in protection like female condoms and spermicides, and the fact that some of these recently divorced women are worldly and wise will decrease the incidence of unwanted mid-thirty and mid-forty something pregnancies. Still, I can’t help but think that I would much rather be seen for the reality of who I am, rather than the myth of endless women who have paraded their wares before me at a much lower price.

Interview
Meet Rachel. She is divorced, and teeters between sleeping with men who are inappropriate for her, and staying celibate. Learn what she has to tell the-vu about the myth of the divorced woman from her own perspective and why she’d still sleep with her ex-husband if he knocked on the door!

LJCROWE: You were married for 3 years, did you choose the divorce?

RACHEL: I did, but I also tried to work things out and get back together at various times over the years.  Most recently, about 3 1/2 years ago, I went on a  “family” vacation with him and got pregnant with my youngest child.  He  decided that he did not want to reconcile after all.

Was sex a factor of your breakup?

No, sex was not a factor.  Sex with my ex-husband was great.  I’d sleep with him right now, if he knocked on my door.  We broke up because he was never  home, didn’t want to work, lied, and basically acted like an irresponsible  child.  He also used drugs when he was not at home and I did not want to be around that – sometimes he was frightening.

Did either of you cheat during the marriage?

Once, when he did not come home for 3 days, I went out with a girlfriend and kissed a stranger.  I didn’t suspect him of cheating at the time, but I do now.

How did you approach sex after the marriage dissolved?

I still had sex with my ex-husband.  I had sex with the man that I lived with.  I had sex with my sister’s brother-in-law, who I actually do love, but  he was not ready for a relationship, so that kind of contributed to that broken feeling.   I then went through this really dry period.  I had sex with someone on my 29th birthday and then did not have any again until I went on that fateful family camping trip and got pregnant with my daughter.  Then, it was another two years wait.  I get lonely, but sometimes my fears are larger than my desire.  Does that make sense?

I’m sure it does to many divorced women who’ve been hurt. Were you afraid of being stigmatized as the divorced woman stereotypically out for sex with anything that moves?

Heck, I am the stereotype. To a point.  I am choosy, but I tend to sleep with men who are inappropriate.  For example, way too young (but legal) or not exactly single.  I sleep with men who I do not necessarily want to have a relationship with.  I don’t sleep with a lot of men, but I have been single for a long time (7 1/2 years) and I get lonely.  I always tell myself that  I’m not doing it again, that I won’t have sex without love.  Then, my friend  Jim will call and I’ll say, “Hey, wanna come over?”  I think that I want to be in love again, but the reality is that I feel  broken after my divorce.  I am afraid to get that close to someone again.   So, I sleep with men who are friends of mine and are also not looking for a  relationship.

Do you seek mainly quality or quantity?

When I was younger, I was more of a quantity person, but after having my kids, I am much more respectful of myself.  I have casual relationships, but I do not sleep with strangers – only friends.  There is a man that I am  interested in now, but he is not single – see there’s that inappropriate thing again.  I have not done anything about my attraction to him.  I write about it, it’s a great motivator for fiction, but I don’t want to break up anyone’s relationship.   I bet I sound like a nut.  He is exactly the kind of person that I would like to have a relationship, he is my neighbor, so I see him almost daily.

Did you ever think about remarrying?

No, I didn’t remarry.  I did live with a boyfriend for a short time, about 6  months after the break up of my marriage.  He was an old friend that I felt comfortable with, but I realized that he had changed quite a bit and asked him to leave.

How  is your sex life now in comparison to when you were married?

I have currently been celibate since April.  Yuck.  I’m currently in one of those darn holding-out-for-love patterns.  I hate when I am like that.

Do you think the stereotype of the divorced woman can be debunked or will always exist?

I’m not sure how powerful that stereotype is, in this day and age.  Do people really think about divorced women’s sex drives that much?   I got the  impression that they were more worried about women raising their kids without fathers in the home, than how often divorced moms have sex.   I can only speak from my own experience.  I think that if a divorced woman had a good sex life with her ex, then she is going to be interested in having  sex still.  If she had a bad sex life, then maybe she is willing to wait for the real thing.  Then again, maybe if she had a bad sex life, she may actually be MORE interested in finding MORE sex.  Who knows?  Depends on the woman.  I think that some stereotypes are actually the way things are.

(c) 2001, Lauri Jean Crowe

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.

First Bondage: The Story of Ellen

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By Lauri Jean Crowe

She is a woman. She is a faithful wife of seven years. She is a mother. She practices attachment parenting with her infant. She trusts her husband. She can’t talk about what she wants in bed. She’s looked at bondage sites on the internet – over her husband’s shoulder. She is thirty years old. She has a 7 year itch. She likes getting bound. She could be your neighbor. She tells the-vu what she cannot bring herself to say to even her closest friends. She is Ellen. Here is a look at Ellen, unbound:

LJC: When did you first begin experimenting with bondage?

ELLEN: This past year. I think it is part 7 year itch and part just an effort to get my husband more interested in sex. I have a high sex drive and he has not been able to keep up lately. He has a job which really unmans him, exhausts him (80 hour weeks for the last 3 years, and just saps his will.

So, you suggested bondage to help titilate him and get him revved up after those 80 hour weeks?

A while back, I found him looking at bondage sites on the internet. It seemed to excite him and with much chagrin, I can admit, that it piqued my interest a bit. It was an act of courage to tell him that we could try it. I pondered it a long time. What if I did not like it and he did? If he wanted to do it all the time and I didn’t? There were a hundred other “what-ifs” mostly trust issues.

Recognizing all those “what-ifs” I’m assuming you’ve had experience with bondage before?

I had a boyfriend in college who was really into the idea of bondage and domination, but I was too timid (in my younger days) to try it. He pressured me and the relationship broke up. I did not want to risk that. My husband is my primary relationship… still the love of my life after seven years. The stakes were very high.

So, your first real bondage experience was with your husband of 7 years. What sort of bondage have you two experimented with?

He’s into ropes and scarves. I own a pile of silk scarves (have for years for fashion purposes). He is an avid sailor and has studied knot tying (for sailing and general interest). He has done a fair amount of research into Japanese art bindings. We do try to use soft rope because otherwise it leaves marks.

So, you’re the one whose being bound all the time?

I keep promising him that I am going to tie him up some day, but I have not gotten around to it yet. I have yet to figure out what one can do to a man who is tied up that one cannot do to a man who is not tied up. In some ways, I don’t understand what the attraction for tying someone up is.

But you do understand what the attraction of being bound is, don’t you?

I am generally not able to communicate what I want in bed. I just
cannot talk about it. I can’t say the words. I think that, in a way, bondage is freeing for me. I don’t have to do anything, I can just lay back and take it.

No, you don’t have to do anything when you’re bound, but is there anything about you experiences with bondage that make you uncomfortable?

I guess most of what we do is kind of tame. We have played with the pain angle, mainly biting and I admit, it does have its attractions, but the bruises are difficult to explain to my five year old, as are the ropes in the bedroom.

Some of the bondage sites I’ve seen on the internet are very explicit and some are even violent. Are you ever worried that your husband will get too carried away?

(grinning wickedly) I am not afraid. This is my husband, I know he’d never hurt me, well, not unless I want him to. It is a profound expression of our trust for one another. I generally imagine him doing more eclectic things than  he actually does… I cannot say that I actually want him to do those things, though. Fantasy is good… an integral part of the sex act.

How integral is bondage to your regular sex life? Is there a facet of bondage that is regularly practiced in your bedroom?

Some mild bondage is. He will often hold my wrist down or behind me when we have sex. Sometimes I hold his shoulders down, or bite.

How often do you practice more intense sexual bondage with scarves and ropes?

About once a month for the time consuming stuff. We do attachment parenting and have an infant who shares the family bed, so we can’t have fun until she’s asleep. Between the baby and my husband’s heavy work schedule, we don’t have sex much anyway.

Is sex with bondage more orgasmic for you that sex without bondage?

No… not really. It is actually a bit less orgasmic for me. He does not know how to stimulate my body as well as I do… but our love making is a work in progress. We teach each other, we learn from each other.

What advice do you have for other women who are just starting out in the erotic play of sexual bondage?

For a woman, trust is very important. This is not something most women can do with someone that they do not trust. Don’t do anything that makes you really uncomfortable, but be willing to push your limits a little.

Speaking of limits, do you think being submissive in bed puts you at a disadvantage in the relationship?

I tend to be a very dominant sort of personality. I run the kids, the  finance and the house. I have to. He is a sailor and that means he is away. I must be independent. I must be strong. He has never diminished me as a person for being what I need to be, but this gives him an overt way of being the stronger, more dominant one. It’s balance.

So, you would say that bondage has enhanced your relationship with your husband, then?

Though I am the one being tied up, the act binds us together. Men often define themselves by their sexual prowess. We had several years after the birth of my first where I was disinterested. If I did not want him, it was a blow to his self esteem and conversely, if I do want him and I am willing to go to lengths to interest him, it means that he is worthwhile as a man. While I don’t think he thinks in these terms, I can see the change in him. He is less beaten down from work and more the man I fell in love with.

Thanks to Ellen for sharing this very personal look at her experiences with sexual bondage in the security of a stable, seven year relationship with her husband. Hopefully it will help the readers of The-Vu see that erotic bondage is not just a means of control, domination and power, but that it can be an expressive gateway for love. Maybe it will inspire a few of you to invest in some silk scarves and rope :)

(c) December 2000, Lauri Jean Crowe

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.

Erotic Play: Biting for Love

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By Lauri Jean Crowe

Teeth gnash. Teeth bite. Teeth mash. Teeth can titillate. The average mature adult has thirty-two of these shining enamel pearls in their moist mouths. I have twenty-four – one for every hour of the day. You see, my jaw just wasn’t big enough to hold them all so I had eight removed as a child. As an adult I value the twenty-four I have; they allow me to masticate and take in all the pleasures of eating, tasting, chewing, and sex. Yes, sex.

There is something utterly primal about being bitten. If it’s a dog or a wolf it can be frightening, terrifying. Even more so when it is a human being with all of societies taboos against cannibalism. When you think of teeth you think of fangs; teeth equal vampires, monsters, nightmares, wild beasts. Teeth are the things which make you close the doors and windows tight at night. But what about the door to the bedroom? What if that sheep in wolf’s clothing suddenly takes a nip at your nipple? Erotic biting can bring all those terrors into your mind and turn them into unimaginable pleasures. That is, unless you’ve already been bitten. Then you can not only imagine, but deliciously recall those moments of intense stimulation.

I remember the first time I was bitten. It was in the early days of my blooming sexuality. I was nineteen and a lover leaned in and bit my nipple at the point of orgasm. It was intense. My first thought was outrage, my next was “ahhhhhhh”, that followed with “I think I’d like more of that”. Unfortunately that lover left almost as quickly as the sensation of that first bite and it wasn’t until I met my husband that biting was again a factor of lovemaking.

He asked permission. I acquiesced. It was an exploration into a realm of intense erotic stimulation I didn’t even know existed except for that one quick bite years prior. He began at the nape of my neck, a quick nip followed by a tongue trailing down my vertebra. Then another bite just along the center of the spine. Then another, down a bit further, always followed by that tongue leading the way to the next delicious bite. When he got to the small of my back, I had climaxed twice already without any form of penetration. That first time had me screaming for more, and screaming with intense pleasure. He went slowly, gently, with soft gentle nips and twists of the tongue.

Since then, much of my body has been privy to his bite. There’s no region I have barred, but there is always a safety net. There is always a point where I can say no. It has been rare that I have wanted to. Intense stimulation is just that, and those of us who enjoy it know that biting can be a passionate discourse into erotica. For those who are just beginning the journey into intense stimulation and erotic biting, you should be aware that certain guidelines need to be set:

1. Have a safety word. Make this word something that you wouldn’t  normally say during sex. Choose the latin name of a flower (gypsophalia) or an everyday object (stove). If the biting becomes more pain that pleasure, or simply too intense you have a safeguard, can scream the word and the biting stops then and there.

2. Know your partner well. Make sure he or she will abide by the safety word. If not, you can be in danger of physical harm. Erotic biting is not something to engage in with a random you picked up at the bar. It entails trust and trust can only be garnered in a more intimate, regular relationship.

3. Go slow. Biting can be dangerous. You should not have open wounds after a session of this form of erotic play, however you may have slight red discolorations which will fade or even bruises depending on how ardent your bitemate is.

4. Recognize that biters usually don’t like to be bitten. Biting back can be a complete buzz kill. Biting is more often than not about control, it is not out and out combat with the teeth.

5. Have a first aid kit on hand with some triple antibiotic and Band Aids. In case your lover gets a bit too vicious, or accidentally breaks the skin in the midst of sexual fervor you should immediately wash the area, apply triple antibiotic and a bandage so that infection doesn’t set it. A human bite can be just as, or even more deadly as one from an animal such as a dog.

On an end note, erotic biting may seem like a safe sex alternative, however the mouth harbors many germs. If you engage in genital biting you run the same risks of STD and HIV infection as if you were penetrated. The mouth often has small tears in the gums or tongue which can easily transmit not only bacteria, but blood, regardless of if you are the recipient of a wound from erotic biting. Be wary, be careful and if you do have your lover bite your clitoris or penis or other sensitive areas such as the nipples be sure that you know your lover’s communicable status which is always a good idea in any time of relationship but especially in those of intense stimulation where control is often a factor. It may be your lovers idea to control the spread of his own disease while getting off on biting you. Dangers exist in any sexual situation. Take precautions. That said, teeth gnash. Teeth bite. Teeth mash. Teeth can titillate. Let them!

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.

Losing My Cherry

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By Lauri Jean Crowe

Losing your cherry. This isn’t a matter of it falling off the spoon of your ice cream sundae, it’s about losing your virginity. It’s about the first time you have penetrative sex. It’s about being a teenager or a young adult. It’s about being scared and fascinated and for me it was about curiosity and boredom. I was a late bloomer. Although most of my friends were having sex from middle school on, some of those accompanied by teen pregnancies, I didn’t even think about boys, or girls.

In my first year of college I didn’t think much about sex either. But it apparently thought about me a lot, whispering in the minds of my dorm mates and men at the clubs where I danced with my friends. Finally, at nineteen I decided to “do it”. I’m not sure why, I was just kind of bored and curious – two reasons which aren’t especially good for having sex. I also wanted to see what all the hype was about, and have it over with. The big deal of virginity suddenly became a burden and I wanted it over with. But, having no steady relationship I had no idea how to go about it. I was naive, half the time I didn’t even know that men were interested in me until jealous girlfriends would approach me full claws ready for a fight.

However, one Thursday night I simply had sex. I was at the bar with some of my friends, most of whom were male. Bonz, our resident stoner was there, and Craig the guy who played drums and lived in my dorm, Rick who I played gin rummy with when I was too drunk to care that I didn’t know how, Killer who was so named because he was such a meek and wimpy fellow, and then there was Dave. Dave was the new guy, one of Bonz friends from his fraternity and who liked to dance as much as I did. We had been drinking quarter beers for almost two hours and INXS came on playing “What You Need”. Cheesy as that song was, Dave and I hobbled out on the dance floor and danced to it and suddenly he pulled me down and kissed me. Now, when I say pulled me down I mean literally to the floor because I’ almost six foot two and he was maybe five foot six on tippy toe. Still, it felt good.

We didn’t finish the dance but soon went home because they cut off the quarter beer and we were buzzed enough as it was. In the car, Dave kept flirting with me, pawing at me and when he ended up getting out with Craig and I we just ended up in my room on the daybed kissing. Next thing you know, clothes are on the floor and I realize that my roommate Wendy who’s been watching TV had decided to go into the other room. Poor Wendy, the girl who had so much facial hair she actually had a beard had to be privy to my drunken first lust.

Sex was awkward. He was very short and I was very tall and we were both drunk. Mainly I recall flailing around a lot, laughing and kissing. We at some point ended up in the bathroom because my other roommate Ronda had come back from the bar and couldn’t locate her keys. We let her in and locked ourselves in the bathroom where we somehow managed actual penetration up against the bathroom sink. From that point it was a few thrusts and it was over in seeming minutes although my roommates later told me we made quite a racket for over an hour. It was unprotected sex. When we were finished we got dressed, he gave me his number, promised to call and he left. I went across the hall to play cards with some friends and in the middle of an excellent had of Euchre announced that I had just had sex for the first time.

There were drunk too and thought this was incredibly funny. We laughed about it and I voiced that it was no big deal, and was I missing something because it hadn’t seemed that great although it felt good enough. This brought more laughter. Later all of us dormies were out at a party and I saw Dave. He wondered why I was avoiding him and hadn’t answered his calls. I told him it just wasn’t that great for me. He was stunned and kept asking people for months if I was pregnant or something, because he just couldn’t get why I wasn’t calling him back.

I hope that others out there have had better first experiences with sex and didn’t just do it because they were bored. I hope there still exists the quaint couple who get to be each others first partners and experience the mysteries of sex through sober, loving eyes. For me, it was no big deal which I suppose in some ways worked in my favor. I didn’t become the promiscuous dorm girl that many of my friends did doing everyone in the dorm. I actually held off having sex for almost another year until I was in a loving relationship and that’s when I found what I truly enjoy about sex which is the partnership of the act.

Looking back I don’t regret that first time, but I do wish I had been smarter. I was lucky. I came away from it unscathed, with no sexually transmissible disease; no pregnancy, no after effects except a great game of Euchre which wasn’t uncommon for me anyhow. Others out there aren’t so lucky. If you’re thinking about having sex for the first time, think hard, don’t just think about his hardness or her softness. Think with your mind, not your loins. Sex does have consequences and your first time will no doubt place a certain image of sex in your mind which will hold through in your other relationships. Be careful. Be aware. Be sober. But, most of all don’t give that cherry to the first spoon that comes along ready to taste your forbidden fruits.

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.

What will your children say?

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By Lauri Jean Crowe

I’m pretty open about my life in general, not just my sexuality. So I often hear the phrase, “but what will your kids say when they get older?” and “do you want them to know their mommy is a whore?” both of which I answer the same way. First off, I am not a whore. In my thirty-one years of existence I have had no more lovers than I can count on one hand and those have been in loving relationships except for the one-nighter where  I lost my virginity. Second, I hope that I raise my children to be open and honest just as I am. For some this is inconceivable. I mean, you just don’t talk about sex. Period. Much less write about it.

But, I do. I have two male children who are currently one and two years old. Both have budding little penises that will no doubt benefit from some of what I pass on to the next generation through my writings on sex. Perhaps when they are older they will even read my articles and think they have a pretty cool mom. Perhaps the reverse will happen and they will condemn me as a whore as so many others seem to want to when they read what I write. It’s a risk you take, but then so is childbirth which may I remind us all, occurred thanks to sex.

I don’t understand the pseudo-Victorian attitude toward sexuality which crops up so often in the modern day. What precipitated it? Was it the mass love fests of the 60’s and 70’s which in turn where represented in the 80’s by the AIDS scare? Perhaps it had something to do with STD’s and their reported mass spread, which frankly I attribute not so much to a growing spread of disease, but of reports of the actual infections. We have become a much more health conscious society. Does that mean we also have to become more prejudicial against those who would still indulge their basest pleasures even if they do so safely and in the seclusion of a steady relationship? Shouldn’t that be something that is honored? I guess, but only if you don’t tell anyone about it.

I, on the other hand, think people need to know what really happens. This push for abstinence which was so prominent in the news media of the 90’s coupled with the on the hour condom ads was an interesting change to the whole issue of sex. People, teens even, were allowed to talk about not having sex, or choosing sex only with condoms. At least there was some voice to the topic. But the truth is, no matter how scary STD’s are, no matter how scary the thought of a teen pregnancy is people still do the nasty without protection. To me, these people are stupid and they are stupid because they don’t have all the facts or they have diluted ones or mass marketed ones. Perhaps by sharing my personal opinions and experiences I will place some actual knowledge into those heads.

I had a distant cousin who died of AIDS. I watched him go from a thriving, successful photographer who was always bubbly, charming and the life of the party with a v-shape male figure that any model would die for. Within a years time he had shrunken and withered to a shell of a man who you wouldn’t have recognized unless you were there to see the slow process of physical deterioration. The man who had once hugged me, and lifted my six foot one body off the floor he was so robust, now was so slender that I could almost wrap my arms around him twice and was afraid to squeeze when I hugged him. I’ve seen the dangers of unprotected sex first hand, and I don’t take sex lightly or promiscuously.

So, yes, I wonder what my children will say when they read my articles in the future. More than that, I wonder what sort of sexual climate my children will experience in their teens and early adulthood. I hope that as a sexually educated, and even explicit mother I will be able to talk with the openly about issues other parents refer to as simply the “birds and the bees”. I don’t want my boys to grow up like the Jehovah witness girl down the road who told us matter-of-factly one day in middle school on the bus that “the man pees in you and you get a baby” because she was uniformed and her parents wouldn’t talk about sex. I want them to be awake and aware of both the pleasures and the dangers of an active sex life. I want them to know that experimentation is okay if done safely. I want them to know that everyone has a preference, and that unique set of preferences and expressions is part of the human organisms, of an individual person – someone like their mom.

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA

The Fine Art of Fellatio

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By Lauri Jean Crowe

I can peel the skin off a grape with my mouth. No hands. A gentle twisting of tongue, careful play of the teeth and a movement of the cheek and there lies a beautiful green orb of pulpy flesh waiting to be squeezed and juiced. You say, “so what?” You must be one of those people who knows other people who can tie knots in cherries with their tongue, something I admittedly cannot do. However, learning to peel grapes with only the tool of my mouth was a wonderful excursion in learning skills to improve fellatio.

The first time I ever gave head, I was naive. I didn’t know what was wanted, needed, or what wonderful thrills my little mouth could give to a penis and the man attached to it. I mistakenly used my teeth. I drooled to the point of embarrassment. I sucked too hard or not enough. I just couldn’t seem to get it. Unlike many blessed individuals out there in the world of sex, I was not a natural born blow jobber.

So, I learned. As a teen I saw “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” with it’s vegetable training session and I knew many a girl who practiced long before ever engaging in fellatio on the carrots, cucumbers and other lengthy veggies in their momma’s fridge. Perhaps that helped them, but it made me feel ridiculous. I mean, a penis is really not so drastically tapered as a carrot, nor so orange and crisp. I figured there were three things to do, watch porn, learn more about my mouth and practice on a live model. I’ve gotten pretty good at giving head and it didn’t take long. So, here’s some tips and suggestions for those just starting out in the wonderful world of fellatio or those who need a refresher course:

1. Keep your focus on the penis. Don’t think about what you’re during, just feel the movements of your mouth and his flesh. This intense focus can guarantee a decent head job even if you are completely naive like I was. Focus is in your favor, and his. Delete all other thoughts from your mind and just explore the penis.

2. Never lose contact with the penis. This means if your tongue or cheeks aren’t in contact with it, your hand or breath should be. Hot breath on a penis can be just as provocative as a long deep thrust to the back of your mouth. Don’t let that rascal lose once you have it in your possession.

3. Learn to nose breathe. Breathing through your mouth will lead to a sloppy drooling mess. You can practice this sans penis at any time. Simply shut your mouth and breathe through your nostrils.

4. Watch pornography. You will find that blow jobs are so common they get redundant. Still, pornography of this sort is primarily created to arouse men and watching what women in porn do to a penis will give you some things to try out. Long strokes, short tongue ticks to the head, a deep inhalation and even the bobbing for apples approach. Try out these styles on a willing partner and eventually they will become your own.

5. Don’t forget the balls. This tender area of the male anatomy also likes some attention. A gentle blow of hot air, a lick or flick of the tongue. Balls and penis go together and denying one is like someone paying attention to only one breast. Enjoy the diversity of both penis and balls in your fellatio.

6. Learn to peel grapes with your tongue, leaving the flesh of the grape whole and round. This was perhaps the best instruction I could have had. It takes great dexterity and gentleness. It takes tongue twists, sucking and a bit of nipping with the teeth. All useful skills for the fine art of fellatio.

Remember safe sex. A condom cloaked penis can get just as much pleasure from a good fellationado as an uncloaked one. Your safety should not be jeopardized for his pleasure, ever. Ever! Open lines of communication make any sexual excursion more satisfying, so don’t forget to ask your lover what he wants. Does he like long, regular sucks or variation? Some men like to be gently nibbled on, others like a lot of attention on the head of the penis, some just go for deep throat pleasures. Lastly, I must say this should you forgo the safe sex of a blow job with a condom – know if you spit or swallow and be discreet about it. There’s nothing more unappealing that someone who chokes and gags and then ends up vomiting (well, for a majority of the population anyhow). If you are a spitter, make sure your lover knows and ask him to indicate when he’s about to climax so you can back off, if you are unable to identify this critical phase yourself. If you swallow, more power to you and you’ll be very popular – just be sure you’re safe and know what you’re getting into and exactly what’s getting into you.

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.

Curtain Call

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“Curtain Call arose out of a dream sequence in which I was continually tied, bitten and pondering the value of love.”

By Lauri Jean Crowe

The heavy fabric opens, wide on this stage, this ancient theatre of lamp lit glass. Shadowy, the underbelly of some secret ancestry I lay on my stomach hog-tied. Butterflies dance on these ropes encasing pale boned wrists tethered by biting mouths, iridescent and flapping wings: the audience claps.

Powdery blue. They are not genitalia, they are not tense with attention. If they were their hair would be on end. They cannot feel. They want to eat my heart. I nor you know what that is. They want to feast on emptiness. They are hungry. They use to have eyes. They could teach me – you – us of love?

They have retractable glass nails. I feel them scraping my loins. There they leave a powdery blue glaze long fingered. I do not cringe at the touch. What can I learn? You watch, silent, pressing buttocks to blue velvet cushions. Can I give them innocence? My lost virginity? It is where the heart never lied. They have retractable glass nails. Can I offer them my long, white tongue, and its placatory licks? Can I release the ropes that I may join you?

Let us gnaw them with our passion seeking the wings on which to fly. Let us startle them from apathy, the cold reverie with which they watch the stage of their own making. The ancient mysteries of womb and birth and death relived a thousand times? What can I offer you?

They have sharpened sightless eyes at the corners of my lips. I ask what they desire, they say – You created us. Tell us how to begin this, end this, we want to amuse you. They look on powdery blue. They are frozen. They are cardboard cutouts. They are the creations of a mind long mad. They are actors dancing on the edge of the stage waiting to fall, into the chasm of space that is emptiness – my heart.

Who are these spectators, jailers? I writhe: I want release! I want these ropes gone! I want my breast, sweating iridescent in your butterfly lips biting until I bleed, the last drops of innocence onto a crushed glass bed. I want and want! What can I offer you? What group of actors and liars and fools am I a descendent of, what can I offer my jailers? What can I give of myself?

I want to bind my own wrists, legs, at the edge of this wide stage. At the clap of their hands roll from the curtains soft onto my back and look upward into your bite. Come, my winged one, lift your buttocks from the velvet. It is intermission and there are hearts for sale.

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.

Osculation

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“I discovered this wonderful word long after I had been indulging in it’s practice.”
By Lauri Jean Crowe

Osculation. “What is it?” you ask as it rolls on your tongue. Osculation. A faint whisper in your ear. Osculation. A point on a curve where two branches have a common tangent but do not reverse direction. Osculation. Is it mathematics or chemistry? Osculation is the act of kissing.

Osculation with many has left me wanting to reverse direction. Too sloppy, too toothy, too much tongue or not enough. Kissing is an art form and so few place emphasis on practice intending inborn talent to do the job. However, as with any art form you need to practice whatever natural talents you have and stretch them to their boundaries until you create new forms of intimate expression of self.

As a young girl I had friends who would osculate with pillows. Practice makes perfect right? These same girls practiced other forms of open mouthed kissing on carrots and other vegetables before moving on to practice with the flesh. You can kiss a pillow, you can kiss a dog, you can even kiss a carrot with feeling but no practice is better than kissing with a partner.

However, kissing is seen as a big taboo. Even some prostitutes will only osculate with special customers, or for an added price. Why is it that the mouth on mouth act of the kiss causes such uproar? I think perhaps it goes back to the time when demons were thought to be able to enter the body through any open orifice. After all, what is more demonic that a woman in an open mouthed-osculation? Kissing is intimate. You breathe through your mouth, you eat with your mouth. You taste with your tongue. So, it is no wonder this activity is so popular and has such an allure about it.

There is nothing like the taste of your lovers tongue on yours; the sweet moisture atop a wetted lip; the sensation of a tongue exploring the inner regions of the orifice between your chin and nose. Osculation can take place anywhere. I’m speaking in terms of location on the body and location in space and time. You can kiss your lover in bed each morning, or sneak a quick peck between your husband hammering nails and making dinner. You can kiss eyes, ears, toes, fingers, labia, penis, bellies, and yes, you can even “kiss my ass” as the slang goes.

The possibilities for osculation are endless. Osculation – think about it. A point on a curve where two branches have a common tangent but do not reverse direction. Osculation. A kiss. Roll it around on your tongue for a while.

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.

Lactation Isn’t Just For Babies

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By Lauri Jean Crowe

Lactation occurs when the body produces breast milk and emits that fluid through the milk ducts in the breasts. Typically it occurs around the fifth month in pregnant women and continues as long as the woman is breastfeeding or the milk ducts are being stimulated to produce milk. However, as many women know, lactation can continue long after you are done delivering your child and well after you have completed nursing your infant.

So, what do you do with leaky squirting breasts? You enjoy them just like you enjoyed your breasts prior to pregnancy. You nurture them, massage them and lavish them with love. You marvel at the fullness that lactation produces and you allow your partner to experience and partake of the joy of a lactating woman right along with you.

I recall when I first got pregnant and my husband’s friend said, “Wait ‘til they squirt across the room when she has an orgasm”. He had a sly smile on his face speaking of wicked thoughts he didn’t wish to express further. His wife, turned down her eyes and sort of giggled. My husband and I wondered just what the big deal was, after all thus far my breasts were just a hazard when we went out, leaking through clothing and needed to be dried, mopped or padded as they dribbled fluid waiting for a baby’s mouth.

Then it happened. There I was, pregnant as could be, doing it dog and my nipples began squirting milk across the room and hit the bedroom wall. It made me laugh, it turned my husband on. I suppose it’s akin to the cum shot of porn having suddenly been transposed onto a woman’s breast. And it kept making me laugh every time it happened, and it kept turning my husband on, almost as much as it turned him on to taste my breast milk.

Now, some would call us heathens just for talking about tasting breast milk, but I tasted it to. After all, had to know what I was feeding my child didn’t I? Needless to say my husband briefly suckling at the breast became a novel part of our foreplay for a time, and we always wondered when that crescendo performance of breast milk spurting would occur, and we always laughed when it did.

I think that men and women need to eradicate the taboos which exist for pregnant women’s breasts. No doubt many will be outraged by my statements herein, there’s a whole camp of people I don’t understand who think that lactation is only to be reserved for the needs of the nursing infant. However, if we forget that our breasts can be sources of joy and sexual arousal, and start regarding them as simply a food source we devalue what it is to be a woman. Lactation isn’t just for babies.

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.

Chronic Pain and Sex

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By Lauri Jean Crowe

As a sufferer of chronic pain, I know that an area that is often affected is relationships. Whether they be platonic or sexually oriented, chronic pain can come between people when they don’t know how to deal with it. Chronic pain is often something that is difficult for someone who doesn’t have it to understand. Often when an individual says they are too tired, in too much pain, or hurt so they don’t want to have sex, the partner interprets this as the pained individual not wanting them personally. This is where much miscommunication occurs between the sufferer of chronic pain and their significant other.

This article offers tips and suggestions for those who live with individuals who have chronic pain and illness. Spouses, significant others, and life partners, as well as those suffering from chronic pain can apply this advice in their daily lives in order to enhance their relationships and make the experience of sexuality more open, honest, and satisfying for each other.

Be aware. The most important aspect of dealing with chronic pain is being aware that it exists. Note if your partner has been having difficulties throughout the day. If so, be gentle, take time with foreplay and have cuddle time. Don’t just think of satisfying yourself. .

Once you’ve established that you are going to have sexual relations, don’t say, “are you sure your want to do this?”. You are doing this, and asking you partner if they want to is like asking them if they want to continue. While you may think you’re being considerate, this may be interpreted by an overly sensitive individual with chronic pain as if you want to stop.

In the midst of sex, don’t stop, look at your partner who has been enjoying themselves and say, “Am I hurting you?”. Again, you may feel that you’re being considerate, but this merely breaks whatever good feelings were happening for your partner in the midst of their pain, and causes the chronically ill person to remember their pain. By asking, “Am I hurting you?“ you are putting the focus on the pain instead of the person. This can be one of the most disastrous questions in a sensual relationship with a chronically pained individual.

Don’t think you’ve done something wrong if your partner doesn’t reach climax. Often those who are suffering from chronic pain do not reach orgasm because no matter how great their pleasure, the pain still factors in. Pain can be a distraction even in the best of relations. Remember that even a little bit of good feeling and arousal can be better than your partners average day, and that by following the other suggestions presented here you will help give your partner a wonderful sexual experience even if you don’t give them a climax.

Don’t forget that your partner has needs too. If your partner is continually not reaching climax, then find out if there is something you can do to make him or her more comfortable during sex so they achieve maximum enjoyment. Sometimes you may find that you already are doing everything possible on your end and that your patience and consideration are making your partner happy and sexually satisfied.

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.