Wash, don’t wipe, your butt.

By Sparklee A Hole.

If you can read this, you are a human, and you poop. A subject that may delight a few, and disgust many more. but opinions don’t count, because we all have to go and poop. It is what happens afterwards that is rarely discussed. People from different cultures have different ideas about what you should do next. An American or a Brit, who has only ever seen a toilet roll next to a toilet, may travel abroad and find one of the five following devices at his or her disposal.

  • A porcelain bidet
  • A bucket or barrel of water with a scooper
  • A shower spray connected to the toilet tank water supply with a T-adaptor
  • An electronic toilet seat that dispenses sprays or jets of warm water and may also air-dry the area
  • A pipe that shoots water upwards.

There may be more systems than these five, but these are the common alternatives to simply using dry tissue paper to clean up.

Conversely, someone from the Arab world, or the Philippines, or parts of Asia, might visit The USA and be appalled to find out that Americans believe they can clean their anal area following defecation with nothing more than dry tissue paper. And they would be right, because it really does take more than tissue to be clean following the business.

Clearly, washing is more efficient than tissue-wiping when it comes to removing the after effects of going, especially if a lather from detergent is introduced, so what do these mysterious foreigners do in the bathroom?

The Bidet.

Often seen beside a toilet, the bidet has featured in travel jokes for decades. It is basically a little bathtub that one squats over to wash the area. These usually have hot and cold running water and can squirt, rinse and spray. Anyone who has used a bidet is probably emerging from the bathroom clean.

The electronic bidet toilet seat.

The Japanese have pioneered this field. To have one of these, your toilet needs to have electricity as well as water. These devices, controlled with the push of a button are designed to wash and then dry the area, without the user leaving the seat. Some are simple and some are full of hi-tech features.

The Tabo

Called the tabo in the Philippines but known by other names in South Asia, this system is basically a jug of water, filled in a bucket or barrel or from the tap. The user raises up slightly from the toilet seat and pours water towards the small of the back where the space between the butt cheeks is. The water naturally flows down and over the skin and washes the area.  In practice, although rarely talked about, the user usually puts soap on his or her fingers and washes the butt, just like everyone does in the shower and then rinses with the tabo. Of course this means touching the unclean substance in question (poo) but the hand is using soap and water so with practice it ends up clean when all is over. In the Philippines, bathrooms are wet, meaning there is usually a floor drain and a faucet on the wall, which is used to fill the vessel. The tabo is difficult for lifelong wipers to accept, but it does remove all traces of waste and associated bacteria, so should not be criticized. Anyone with a sink within arm’s reach of the toilet, and a plastic jug or jar, can try the tabo right now, with nothing to install. In rural areas, the tabo is also used for outdoor, full body bathing.

The bidet shower spray.

The Arabs call it a shattaf, (sounds like shit off, which is basically what it does), but this is nothing more than a handheld water shower that connects to the water inlet valve for the toilet via a T-connection. Room temperature water is sprayed on the anus after the business is done. As with the tabo, hand washing the area with soap is an unmentioned option. These sprays are often called diaper sprays or nappy sprayers, because they can also be used to wash off most of the baby poo from your baby’s diaper before tossing it in the bleach pail. The baby poo just goes right down the loo. The downside to using a handheld shower spray in a colder climate is, in winter, the tap water can be extremely cold. In some places these are called the muslim bidet and other names, because the muslim world is apparently quite particular about keeping clean down there. But if your bathroom is in Thailand or Saudi Arabia, to name a couple of places, you’ll probably have a sprayer adjacent to the toilet, and the water will not be a cold shock.

The sprayer pipe.

In Egypt you are likely to see a curved brass pipe at the back of the toilet bowl. This is water spraying at it’s most basic. Just turn on the tap and a jet of water shoots towards the butt for hands-free washing, or manually assisted soaping, as discussed under the tabo.

So here is the taboo subject of cleaning the ass being discussed in a magazine. Some will find the whole subject unthinkable and live their whole lives failing to properly remove poo and bacteria with their little pieces of tissue paper, and others will never use tissue paper instead of washing. While it may be obvious which idea is more effective,  preconceptions about what is civilized may keep most westerners in the dirt until they are buried in the dirt. But whatever you do following a poo, follow by washing your hands with soapy lather, and you’ll stay safe.

Sparklee A Hole is always ready for inspection and never has to hide his underwear deep in the laundry basket.

Editor’s note: At time of writing there are well over a hundred comments on this article. Some of them are a little disturbing so be forewarned if you go there.  Anyone can say anything so this is the result.

124 thoughts on “Wash, don’t wipe, your butt.”

  1. “Disgusting! So unsanitary. This water that rinses your asshole falls on the very devices that spray water on the next person. Just what I want: someone else’s fecal matter and bacteria shooting up my ass.”

    A reasonable concern, but also the medical introduction of human fecal bacteria into the rectum and colon is a powerful and effective new intervention for serious digestive problems.

  2. Sounds like you think someone else’s diseased a-hole contents will fix mine. Not buying your voodoo. I would shove Yogurt up my butt before I mix someone else’s crap with mine.

  3. I have experienced both of these methods of removing decal matter after a bowel movement. I was raised wiping until the process of water clueing was introduced to me and I “what a Great idea”.

    Only a few problems with the whole idea of being a “Water Girl” rather than a “Wiper Girl” were a few obstacles….

    1. I live in a wiper society
    2. Not sure of anyone’s sanitary habits or concern for others
    3. I practice in my home for messy times (I have IBS), but without being properly equipped and your already on the “go”… You become a wiper and a washer (even if you do have a bidet as I do).

    I completely agree with the reading and would recommend it to anyone- along with proper technique and infection control practices(HANDWASHING!)

    Like they say…”don’t knock it before you try it”. Ignorance may be bliss, but most always at a loss…

    Love to all, From your white, italian, university graduate(x2) Nurse.

    Happy Cleaning!

  4. Yes, how much cleaner is washing yourself rather than wiping.
    I think the old bidet is the best one, just like a mini bath. Not to sure about this new spray pipe but the others are good!
    Need to buy one for my home.

  5. After a bowel movement
    I use toilet paper to remove everything, then I wash myself.
    If I’m not able to wash, then I use wet wipes instead
    (I don’t put them down the toilet,
    they don’t disintegrate like paper)
    I don’t feel clean, just using Toilet paper!
    I don’t think anyone is really,
    maybe that’s why some people smell of “dity-bum!”

  6. Personally, I will not date any woman who doesn’t wash after ‘going.’ I’ve dated two women in the past who smelled there, and it was such a turn off, it was part off the reason I was happy the relationship didn’t work out. How can you not wash after doing that?! Your undies are going to stink! Gross!

  7. Great article!! I’m not a fan of the bidet, but I do like the Shataf (sprayer) and my second choice is a small jug (a netipot, actually) that directs the stream of water to the right spot. When I’m outside, I put some water on paper towel before entering the stall. I am not even a religious Muslim, but I’m glad that our parents emphasized cleanliness in this way. I could never date a guy who doesn’t use shataaf after going to the bathroom, but the problem is, how do you ask?? It seems like Westerners have the best dental hygiene, and Easterners have the best genital hygiene. I hope to find a guy that combines the best of both worlds..let’s see.. :$

  8. My mother in law uses a tabo and her bathroom smells like piss. She splashes water (and God knows what else) all over the bathroom and the rug around her toilet is filthy. I wish she would get a bidet because her technique with her tabo isn’t working out that great. In addition to her tabo, I’ve seen used toilet paper for number one sitting on the roll for later use. What’s the point of the tabo if she is wiping her privates with used toilet paper? Just gag!

  9. Just like a drinking fountain does not deliver the last person’s germs to the next, the handheld sprayer does not contaminate the next user. Water only flows out of it. The handheld sprayer is ideal for cleaning this personal area after going, and can even deliver a shallow jet enema and the device is so simple to use and so easy to install under the tank that I am amazed they don’t come on every new toilet. Tissue is good for drying but it is not designed to clean anything, and it does not.

  10. Coming from a Muslim family living in the gulf countries, washing after urinating or defecating is a must for both genders; so having a sprayer (shattaf) next to the toilet is normal for us.
    On the rare occasions that the sprayer is broken then we use the tabo ( I had only used it once ; when i was somewhere away from home , and was very uncomfortable to use ).
    So I was shocked to stay in a (5 stars; not even worth it) hotel in Dubai only to find that their toilet has only rolls next to it O.O! I took a fast shower everytime I use the toilet, and then a long shower before going to bed! That’s how filthy I felt.
    And don’t get me started to talk about how much my younger brothers complained about the whole ordeal -_-;
    Next time I might buy a portable shattaf ( just saw one on youtube) for the convenience or even change the hotel all together.

  11. For many years – can’t remember when I started – I’ve soaked a wad of toilet paper in order to wash my anus – then followed up with dry paper until I’m as clean as possible. I installed a bidet in my last home but my wife poo-poohed the idea (yes – I know) . It seemed unhygienic to actually use ones hand and soap and there’s the rinsing of the bowl afterwards. Actually it must be more hygienic than using dry paper. There are huge gaps in the matrix of toilet paper through which bacteria can pass. That’s why wet paper is better. But washing ones hands thoroughly should kill fecal bacteria. A year ago I was in Sri Lanka and, although we were provided with toilet tissue, there was also a spray. They’re available through the web in the UK and I shall be installing one sooner than later. Less rubbing on the sensitive rectum – no doubt evolution never catered for bum wiping – else we’d all have longer arms! But there’s still the problem of drying a wet bum – with what?

  12. I am a guy who was raised using a bidet. It is a matter of personal hygiene and cleanness. I bought a handheld bidet sprayer online from http://www.idealbidet.com and to be frank with you, I loved the quality of the product (made of stainless steel!), its design (so sleek), the easiness of installation and the water pressure!
    Happy bums to all

  13. A former wiper, I’m currently using a small plastic spoon and a squirt bottle to clean my anus, but I’m also investigating a bidet sprayer. One vendor mentions that a sprayer is good for “directing a blast of water into the pipes” for a light and refreshing sensation. Well, once the squirt bottle water stream accidentally breached my sphincter muscle and the water entered my rectum. After releasing the water, I did like the light and refreshing sensation, so I repeated the action several times. After about two hours, I discovered considerable mucus running down my leg as I was walking, so moderation may be indicated. I assume that the water made my rectal mucus thinner and it pooled at the bottom of my rectum and then leaked out when my anus was forced open slightly from internal pressure.

  14. Hi,
    I’m from south asia and was never ready for the toilet paper wipe down here in the US. I installed the bidet from http://www.rinseworks.com called aquaus and boy all of us in the family are ever happy. Its proudly made in the US and the best part is that they have 2 models to chose from. One that is connected to the toilet flush tank water line with only cold water and the other model that attaches to the bathroom faucet tap wherein you have the hot and cold water option !!!! Yup no more cold splash on the bum !!! We have been using it for the past 3 years with no issues ! They have 2 variable length tubings too for the bidet.
    GO for it and you’ll never be dirty again down there :-)

  15. Those idiots who say they don’t like other people’s poop inside them they need to grow up and educate themselves. Ignorant fools must be english or american dumbass

  16. Nice one Shabz – glad you could contribute to this article by causing all us English and Americans to consider the alternative usage for the word ‘arsehole’ in this thread – i.e. a person whose speech or behaviour identifies them as stupid, inept, boorish, offensive or maladjusted. You fit those definitions quite nicely, Shabz.

  17. Hello! We from Indonesia proudly wash after each urination and defecation. Either using plastic scoop, built-in bidet or sprayer. I personally prefer the sprayer. When my family traveled to Europe a while ago, we only have toilet paper beside the toilet. So, we used a mineral water bottle as a scoop. No worries.

  18. I like the idea of the tabo, but your instructions are a bit “ass-backwards.” Pardon me while a chortle smugly to myself….You can wipe with toilet paper first, I believe ALWAYS with toilet paper first for any butt-cleaning method. And THEN wash your butt to clean the residue. This is a much more effecient and sane method.

  19. We recently bought a toilet seat type bidet and everyone in the family (me, wife, 11 & 14 y/o boys) love it. Wife and I particularly feel much cleaner not having to stick our hand in the toilet and wipe our butts. The seat rinses and dries with the press of a button. We walk away as clean as getting out of the shower. We got ours at http://www.clearwaterbidets.com. Everyone we’ve talked to that has one loves it and the people that try ours at home like them a lot. It’s still new to many people but we think it will catch on.

  20. Yeah Shabz!! I agree. What kind of idiots don’t like other peoples poop inside their butts? It befuddles me.. You people really need to grow up. This is why we can’t have nice things.

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