Artie. It wasn’t about Big Bands, it was about The Big Bang.
Posted: January 20th, 2005 | Author: admin | Filed under: People, Sig Shonholtz | Tags: Artie Shaw, Obituary, Sig Shonholtz | No Comments »Artie Shaw passed away on December 30th 2004, aged 94. Sig Shonholtz, his friend in later life, spoke at the funeral and his well-received words on that day were almost exactly as written below.
By Sig Shonholtz
My friendship with Artie Shaw began over a business transaction about 8 years ago; he had answered an ad I ran to buy old watches, it started out a little awkward though. I can still remember it, Larry Rose his secretary called me up one day and told me that Mr. Shaw wanted to talk to me, Artie then got on the phone and barked at me about a watch he wanted to sell and when could I come over and look at it and make him an offer. I told him I was too busy and that he would have to come and meet me. Well, this went on for nearly a year, it got so I knew Larry’s voice when I answered the phone. Artie Shaw wants to talk to you he would say in his polite tone. The stand off finally ended. I was too curious. I just had to meet this man.
When I got to his house I realized I was in for an experience, the house was. to be polite cluttered with the history of the 20th century. To my surprise the gruff old man on the phone was actually rather charming and in a few minutes we had made a deal. But we spent the entire afternoon together discussing the science of metallurgy and the force of springs. It was the kind of a conversation you could only have with someone that truly enjoyed thinking and concepts. That was the moment I realized that I was in the presence of someone unique and I should take advantage of his knowledge. I use the word advantage with the utmost respect because we all have responsibilities in life and one of our main responsibilities is to raise up everybody around us to their highest potential, Artie believed this strongly. If you were paying attention to what Artie quietly had to say you soon realized that he was deeply interested and concerned about the human condition and in making a difference.
We spoke on the phone several times after that first meeting. The next time we met it was on my turf Artie decided that he would come and visit me; I can still remember the moment when he arrived in my antique center. Down the hall I heard a loud gravelly bellowing voice yelling out my name. Where is SIG? he said. I answered, Artie, I am over here. He yelled back Here?.where is here, I thought I was here? Here, is the most subjective word in the English language, the question is, where are you? Well, after all the yelling we finally located each other and laughed about it.
In that moment I realized that this was a man that required precision in language. In fact as time went on I learned that language was his lord. Don’t mince words with Artie Shaw because he has no time to waste. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t try to catch Artie in a trap of phrases either. Phrases like curmudgeon; he was not a curmudgeon..if you engaged him in a meaningful conversation. Unfortunately. too many people wasted his time asking about his ex wives and whether he was better then Benny. Artie considered that he had answered those silly questions enough times, ask a foolish question of a brilliant person and they will act like a curmudgeon. It is a variation on Murphy’s Law.
Time went by and we became friends. We had many dinners together, dinner with him was an adventure, he could easily out eat me. Frequently we had three deserts because we could not decide on just two. No subject was too mundane for us, or to lofty. We spoke about the great taste of Vernors Ginger ale, and why would anybody drink Canada dry after tasting the Vernors. We decided that it must be the quality and amount of extract they used. Once we had a conversation about a packet of synthetic sugar, how do they calculate the subjective value of taste we wondered? We spoke about bats and their radar and a butterfly’s ability to navigate. We spoke about the power of adrenaline and the impact it could have in shaping and controlling an individual. We wondered, What were the very first thoughts of the very first person, after “I want food and sex”? Artie said “well, here I am”. Once, he asked a waiter for some more butter. The waiter said “I’ll be right back” Artie took off his watch and said lets see what he means by “right back”. He redefined the concept of “right back”; it means you stop everything you are doing and even ignore a fire in the kitchen if necessary to meet your commitment. How long is “right back”? Well depending on the circumstances up to 5 breaths of air, otherwise you need to use another phase, like “give me two minutes” or “I’ll be back in a few moments”.
Artie had great stories; during the war he learned to play the Japanese national anthem just in case he was taken as a prisoner. He shared a funny story with me once about a musician in one of his bands. Artie told him that he had to stop smoking “that stuff” before each set because he was throwing off the band. The musician argued and told him, “I am on fire, I never sounded so good.” So, Artie agreed that the next day he would do the smoking and the musician would do the listening. After the set Artie looked at him and said, hey, you’re right, I sound great. The musician looked at Artie and said, “Man, you’re nuts you stink”. The lesson: we do not define ourselves, perhaps we are perceived.
Artie and his books are legendary. He had dictionaries in dozens of languages; his tables were stacked with books on ideas and thinking and in addition, books on “cheating death”. His library had 10,000 books in it, on every subject on earth, science, art, architecture, philosophy, history, warfare, astronomy, politics, mathematics, geography, languages, psychology, sociology, medicine, shooting guns and fly fishing. Artie could speak arcane languages; not to impress you but because he knew there were secrets hidden in them.
Artie Shaw was not interested in banal chatter about big bands. He was interested in the Big Bang, in fact his mind was a big bang, but why, what was he searching for? He was looking for the holy grail of ideas, the mother of all answers, the least amount of words that could transform mankind and our planet to be a better place. He was looking for the simplest and noblest of thoughts that everyone could work with; he placed a high value on thinking and beauty. Long ago Artie Shaw decided that there were only three questions which he wanted to have answered; so he went about the task of finding the answers. The three questions were: are we alone in the universe, is there life after death and were we created by a force or did we evolve?
The only way he knew how to answer those three questions was to read hundreds of books (Can these questions actually be answered by reading and organizing millions of words?). First, in order to absorb the information of 10,000 books and process it you need to live a long time, 94 is just about right. You also need to have a very pliant flexible mind to be able to synthesize the information so it is usable. He was very capable of retrieving information from his mind, and would consider everything that could be considered. It would not be uncommon for him to share an obscure idea of Teilhard de Jardin’s or Plutarch within two sentences. Organizing 10,000 books inside of one mind is not an easy task. He tried his best, he made a gallant effort; in fact he has an unpublished manuscript of 1500 pages, his own “big bang” of mankind. Not bad actually, he took the knowledge of 10,000 books, 10,000 years and condensed it into 1500 pages. When I get the chance I am going to take the short cut through the history of humanity and read his abridged edition if and when it comes out.
In conversation Artie expanded and expounded on everything, including the Ten Commandments. He had three extra commandments. They sound like band leaders ideas but they were actually ideas for living a great life. Number 11 was “Show Up”, meaning, you must participate in life. Number 12 was “Get along”, if we don’t all get along then mankind has no future. And number 13 was “Have fun!”. well of course. Have fun! That about sums it up, the answer of all answers, he brought living and life down to just two simple words, whatever it may mean to each of us.
Have Fun Artie, I hope you’re still having fun.
Sig Shonholtz is a master watchmaker and philosopher and is from Los Angeles.
