Dominant by Day, Submissive by Night

By The Advice Diva

If you are like most men out there, you probably have no idea what makes those headstrong, powerful and intelligent career women “tick”. I am referring to those women you see in power suits, managing a company or running her own, who seem completely invincible and on top of the world. These women know what they want in life and they do not stop until they get it. They are fast talkers, they can close a deal with a simple wink of the eye, they can make a male subordinate cry with the slightest of disappointed looks and they will never settle for anything less than perfect sexual equality. Furthermore, I think we can all agree that these are the sexiest women out there. Men just love to imagine what they have on underneath those designer suits.

The common train of thought and logic would lead you to assume that these women are just as domineering in the bedroom behind closed doors. Generally speaking, this is actually the furthest thing from the truth. Every person out there is different with regards to their personality in life and what turns them on after hours, and there will be many variations and deviances from the norm. However, most of the fierce and passionate women in the workforce love nothing more than to come home and be completely subjugated and ravaged by a very strong and masculine man.

In all sexual relationships there must be a dominant and a submissive. Two dominants or two submissives can get together and have magnificent sexual experiences, but there will be a certain something lacking emotionally. Each one will feel less psychologically satisfied because they will not be able to express their dominant or submissive traits quite a comfortably as they should. Pop culture tends to assume that people who are submissive during sex are doing so because this is how they want to be perceived in life, they want to be dominated. Even old psychology books will back up this old principle. Fortunately, the psychology of arousal and the logic that lies behind fantasies and the roles we play during lovemaking has been virtually rewritten by Dr. Michael J. Bader, the leading psychoanalyst in this delicious area of expertise. To really sum up his new theories in a very rough manner, our sexual desires are almost the opposite of who we are in normal everyday life scenarios. His theories are applied to every sexual thought, idea and fantasy and not just dominant and subordinate behaviors. His new book made me quite hungry with dirty little thoughts.

A dominant women enjoys being submissive in bed because she is able to achieve stimulation. It is impossible to feel any kind of guilt, worry, or anxiety and become sexually aroused at the same time. Professional career women very often feel like they are too overbearing towards men, too controlling and too dominant. That causes a certain level of stress. This stress is completely alleviated by becoming the submissive during intercourse thereby allowing her to achieve stimulation. These and other new brilliant revelations have created a paradigm shift in the psychology of sex. And I think it is divine to have an in depth understanding of what makes the other person scream with hot blooded delight.

Of course, every individual will have a specific dirty little secret which turns them on and no two women are the same. This article applies to many strong business women, but not all. It becomes important to discuss what makes you turned on with your lover or find a reciprocal partner. But now many of you men know our dirty little secret. If you are the type of man who enjoys a dominant woman, the same logic applies to the quiet little librarian with the cat eyeglasses on. She just might be a dom-femme complete with a torture chamber in her home where she can break her male slaves. And don’t forget ladies, this same idea applies to men!

For questions and comments contact The Advice Diva at: thediva@advicediva.com Please visit www.advicediva.com for more articles by the Diva

The Secret Pro-Life Agenda

Pro-life, Pro-choice, or Pro-Punishment? The Secret Pro-Life Agenda.

By Sig Shonholtz

My mother invited me to sit with her, and her like-minded democratic friends while they tried to sign up voters for the coming election. She lives in Newport Beach, a very conservative community in Orange County, Southern California. It seemed like an adventure to me and since I had not seen her in two weeks I agreed. Trying to sign up voters in a community that is decidedly against your agenda is very courageous to start with but beyond that it can be an exercise in futility and frustration. After many comments of Baby Killers, and assorted drive by shootings against Kerry and in favor of Bush I noticed a common theme. A majority of the people that came by the table were men and they unquestioningly felt that George Bush represented their point of view on many issues but most importantly they thought he was most aligned with their thoughts on the issue of abortion. OK, I thought after a while, it is time for me engage one of these characters in pro or against life conversation. I decided to have it with a man who was riding with his son of about 14 years old. I chose them because they chose me, and they were capable of having a serious conversation.

Before we start I would like to bring up a point which I think is very pertinent. It is that the abortion debate starts off on a false foundation. I have observed that the pro-life movement seems to have a lot more men then women in it, or at least more men then I think it should have. Time and again it is men arguing against the rights of a woman to determine what she can do with her body. I find this disturbing and have tried to find a similar example in a man’s world. Well of course it is impossible; as close as I could get is to suggest that a national woman’s organization wanted to pass a law that imposed forced circumcision on all males older then 13 because they felt, believed or thought that it was more suitable for them. Of course this is hardly the same but it illustrates the depth of the complexity of the issue.

The main problem with the abortion question, which makes it so complicated, is that it is actually two conversations that are collapsed into one. The first question is should a person, a woman, have the right to control her destiny, the answer is of course, yes. The second question is a fetus a life, is more complicated, but for the sake of this argument let’s say yes to that also. Now the question becomes which life is more significant, an unborn fetus or a fully developed woman, and which has more opportunity and privilege at the moment?

The debate started off with me taking a basic position. I presented myself as a 20 year old woman in college studying science, I had a boyfriend and always used a condom when we had sex but somehow I got pregnant. I told my parents, my pastor and my boyfriend, and decided that an abortion was the best decision. My question was simple should I be prevented from having an abortion in the first trimester? Both the father and his son said yes, I asked them why? Their answer was simple; condoms were not 100% effective and I had to face the consequences of my actions. Clearly I was going to be punished for my actions, there was no mistaking their tone or intent. I pointed this out to them. It was not a punishment, they assured me. Okay, I understand it is not punishment according to them; their point is that the fetus has a soul or it might have, therefore it has a right to life. Next I asked them if they will support me while I am pregnant so that I can have a healthy baby and will they help me raise and educate my child. The answer was clear, they would not, it was not their responsibility. So, once more I concluded it was punishment, because they were not interested in the well-being of my child, just in my decision to have an abortion.

Now, they suggested that I should have the child and put it up for adoption which would be the ‘right thing’ to do. I have no idea what it feels like to be pregnant, nor does any man, which is why no man should be involved in this controversy. However I am certain no woman has an abortion without having some serious thoughts about it. But I am sure that being forced by law to have a child and give it up is much more painful then the difficult decision of having the abortion.

Finally in frustration the father recognized the weakness in his own argument. He offered this as the reason why abortion should be outlawed. We have performed 40 million abortions in this country. Those people could be working and contributing to social security. So, now we have it the secret agenda of the conservative right. We need more uneducated poor people in this country to do menial jobs. That will solve all of our problems.

In ancient times a woman was literally stoned to death for adultery. If she had a child out of wedlock she was forever ostracized in the society. The idea of punishment has been around for centuries and it seems that it still is.

The Perfect Bag

The Perfect Bag
The REI Personal Organizer
By Jeffrey the Barak

Ever since I was in my teens I have had a thing about luggage. Being a man I couldn’t very well go around with a ladies purse/handbag, but I always seemed to have a lot of stuff to carry about.

Even living in England in the seventies and eighties, where it was not legally required to carry identification and many men therefore put money in their pockets without a wallet, I always seemed to have a lot of stuff that couldn’t comfortably fit in my pockets.

Now obviously when we know that we are surely going to be carrying large items or many items, it’s easy to select a good backpack, Gladstone bag, shoulder bag or briefcase and load it all in, but when it’s just a few small items, you could then have an over heavy and largely empty shoulder bag, and you really could use something smaller that does not look too feminine.

So where would you wear such a thing, if you could find it? Possibly on your tummy, or on your lower back, or (unless your waist is bigger than your chest), at your side above your hip. You could attach it with a shoulder strap over the shoulder opposite to the side you wear the bag, or with a waist strap. If worn at your side, your arm over the bag will keep the bag protected from pickpockets and the whole thing will be in a handy place so you can do a Quick Draw McGraw for your PDA or sunglasses.

I acknowledge that for many people, the perfect or ideal bag may not be this one, but for me at least, after decades of trying different systems, I think I’ve found perfection in the REI Personal Organizer.

As the name suggests, this bag is organized. Have you ever had a bag with just one compartment? You always seem to be rummaging for the item you’re looking for. Over time, everything gets scratched from rubbing against everything else. On the other hand, bags with too many compartments can be just as bad. How can you remember which of those fifteen little sections contained which item?

The REI Personal Organizer has a large pocket, big enough for a water bottle and a couple of eyeglass cases but it’s the smaller pocket that really shines as it has soft fleece lined pockets for your PDA and your phone. There are other pockets of various size and shape, but not so many that you will be unable to find anything. One problem many bags have is that they are black inside, so when you open them up and look in, it’s too dark to see anything so you have to rummage. This bag is orange inside. That’s one simple idea that’s been on my bag wish list for years, but I never saw it until I found this bag.

Main Section – Easily big enough for a water bottle and two glasses cases

Center Organizer Section – Designed to perfection

If you are not using the waist strap, it hides itself behind the padded body side of the bag, and if you are not using the non-slip shoulder strap, it detaches and goes in the bag. You are then left with a great handle so you can adopt the mini-briefcase hand hold. Also it should be noted that the main outside zippers have tags on them that feature little pads that make them easy to grip; such an amazing detail.

So let’s assume that on an average day out in the city you make a spread on the table of the things you need to take along. Let’s say for example that includes a mobile phone, a handheld computer, a digital music player, a compact camera, sunglasses, reading glasses, wallet, keys, and a small bottle of water, plus a few tiny sundries like eye drops, a flashlight and a couple of pens. This bag will offer you an ideal slot for each item, and after a couple of days of use, you won’t even have to glance into the bright orange interior to find what you are fishing for.

Now try putting all of the above into your coat pockets. Now try putting the above collection in a backpack. Obviously the pockets are too small and the backpack is far too big. At 10 inches high and 8 inches wide, with a thickness of between 3 and 4 inches, depending on contents, REI made this bag the perfect size.

How does it look? Well it’s not, as the Governor of California might say, “girlie”, it’s not too casual and it’s not too formal. It looks great wherever you wear it. And it’s not just for men. Many women are finding that their purses are like one way gateways to another dimension. Stuff goes in, and it doesn’t come back out unless the entire contents of the purse are dumped out, and then the item they are looking for is always the last one to exit. Women’s’ bags are either too small, or too big, and as electronic devices replace make-up and drugs as the things to carry in the modern world, the average girl’s personal luggage has changed with the times.

Perhaps there is no REI in your town and you don’t like to shop online. Well for all I know there may be other bags as clever as this one, but on the other hand, perhaps this gray Cordura nylon marvel is indeed the perfect bag. It certainly is perfect for my needs.

Jeffrey the Barak is the publisher of the-vu and can be found efficiently carrying various small objects around in his bag.