Dominant by Day, Submissive by Night

Posted on November 1, 2004 by admin

By The Advice Diva

If you are like most men out there, you probably have no idea what makes those headstrong, powerful and intelligent career women “tick”. I am referring to those women you see in power suits, managing a company or running her own, who seem completely invincible and on top of the world. These women know what they want in life and they do not stop until they get it. They are fast talkers, they can close a deal with a simple wink of the eye, they can make a male subordinate cry with the slightest of disappointed looks and they will never settle for anything less than perfect sexual equality. Furthermore, I think we can all agree that these are the sexiest women out there. Men just love to imagine what they have on underneath those designer suits.

The common train of thought and logic would lead you to assume that these women are just as domineering in the bedroom behind closed doors. Generally speaking, this is actually the furthest thing from the truth. Every person out there is different with regards to their personality in life and what turns them on after hours, and there will be many variations and deviances from the norm. However, most of the fierce and passionate women in the workforce love nothing more than to come home and be completely subjugated and ravaged by a very strong and masculine man.

In all sexual relationships there must be a dominant and a submissive. Two dominants or two submissives can get together and have magnificent sexual experiences, but there will be a certain something lacking emotionally. Each one will feel less psychologically satisfied because they will not be able to express their dominant or submissive traits quite a comfortably as they should. Pop culture tends to assume that people who are submissive during sex are doing so because this is how they want to be perceived in life, they want to be dominated. Even old psychology books will back up this old principle. Fortunately, the psychology of arousal and the logic that lies behind fantasies and the roles we play during lovemaking has been virtually rewritten by Dr. Michael J. Bader, the leading psychoanalyst in this delicious area of expertise. To really sum up his new theories in a very rough manner, our sexual desires are almost the opposite of who we are in normal everyday life scenarios. His theories are applied to every sexual thought, idea and fantasy and not just dominant and subordinate behaviors. His new book made me quite hungry with dirty little thoughts.

A dominant women enjoys being submissive in bed because she is able to achieve stimulation. It is impossible to feel any kind of guilt, worry, or anxiety and become sexually aroused at the same time. Professional career women very often feel like they are too overbearing towards men, too controlling and too dominant. That causes a certain level of stress. This stress is completely alleviated by becoming the submissive during intercourse thereby allowing her to achieve stimulation. These and other new brilliant revelations have created a paradigm shift in the psychology of sex. And I think it is divine to have an in depth understanding of what makes the other person scream with hot blooded delight.

Of course, every individual will have a specific dirty little secret which turns them on and no two women are the same. This article applies to many strong business women, but not all. It becomes important to discuss what makes you turned on with your lover or find a reciprocal partner. But now many of you men know our dirty little secret. If you are the type of man who enjoys a dominant woman, the same logic applies to the quiet little librarian with the cat eyeglasses on. She just might be a dom-femme complete with a torture chamber in her home where she can break her male slaves. And don’t forget ladies, this same idea applies to men!

For questions and comments contact The Advice Diva at: thediva@advicediva.com Please visit www.advicediva.com for more articles by the Diva

The Perfect Bag

Posted on November 1, 2004 by admin

The Perfect Bag
The REI Personal Organizer
By Jeffrey the Barak

Ever since I was in my teens I have had a thing about luggage. Being a man I couldn’t very well go around with a ladies purse/handbag, but I always seemed to have a lot of stuff to carry about.

Even living in England in the seventies and eighties, where it was not legally required to carry identification and many men therefore put money in their pockets without a wallet, I always seemed to have a lot of stuff that couldn’t comfortably fit in my pockets.

Now obviously when we know that we are surely going to be carrying large items or many items, it’s easy to select a good backpack, Gladstone bag, shoulder bag or briefcase and load it all in, but when it’s just a few small items, you could then have an over heavy and largely empty shoulder bag, and you really could use something smaller that does not look too feminine.

So where would you wear such a thing, if you could find it? Possibly on your tummy, or on your lower back, or (unless your waist is bigger than your chest), at your side above your hip. You could attach it with a shoulder strap over the shoulder opposite to the side you wear the bag, or with a waist strap. If worn at your side, your arm over the bag will keep the bag protected from pickpockets and the whole thing will be in a handy place so you can do a Quick Draw McGraw for your PDA or sunglasses.

I acknowledge that for many people, the perfect or ideal bag may not be this one, but for me at least, after decades of trying different systems, I think I’ve found perfection in the REI Personal Organizer.

As the name suggests, this bag is organized. Have you ever had a bag with just one compartment? You always seem to be rummaging for the item you’re looking for. Over time, everything gets scratched from rubbing against everything else. On the other hand, bags with too many compartments can be just as bad. How can you remember which of those fifteen little sections contained which item?

The REI Personal Organizer has a large pocket, big enough for a water bottle and a couple of eyeglass cases but it’s the smaller pocket that really shines as it has soft fleece lined pockets for your PDA and your phone. There are other pockets of various size and shape, but not so many that you will be unable to find anything. One problem many bags have is that they are black inside, so when you open them up and look in, it’s too dark to see anything so you have to rummage. This bag is orange inside. That’s one simple idea that’s been on my bag wish list for years, but I never saw it until I found this bag.

Main Section – Easily big enough for a water bottle and two glasses cases

Center Organizer Section – Designed to perfection

If you are not using the waist strap, it hides itself behind the padded body side of the bag, and if you are not using the non-slip shoulder strap, it detaches and goes in the bag. You are then left with a great handle so you can adopt the mini-briefcase hand hold. Also it should be noted that the main outside zippers have tags on them that feature little pads that make them easy to grip; such an amazing detail.

So let’s assume that on an average day out in the city you make a spread on the table of the things you need to take along. Let’s say for example that includes a mobile phone, a handheld computer, a digital music player, a compact camera, sunglasses, reading glasses, wallet, keys, and a small bottle of water, plus a few tiny sundries like eye drops, a flashlight and a couple of pens. This bag will offer you an ideal slot for each item, and after a couple of days of use, you won’t even have to glance into the bright orange interior to find what you are fishing for.

Now try putting all of the above into your coat pockets. Now try putting the above collection in a backpack. Obviously the pockets are too small and the backpack is far too big. At 10 inches high and 8 inches wide, with a thickness of between 3 and 4 inches, depending on contents, REI made this bag the perfect size.

How does it look? Well it’s not, as the Governor of California might say, “girlie”, it’s not too casual and it’s not too formal. It looks great wherever you wear it. And it’s not just for men. Many women are finding that their purses are like one way gateways to another dimension. Stuff goes in, and it doesn’t come back out unless the entire contents of the purse are dumped out, and then the item they are looking for is always the last one to exit. Women’s’ bags are either too small, or too big, and as electronic devices replace make-up and drugs as the things to carry in the modern world, the average girl’s personal luggage has changed with the times.

Perhaps there is no REI in your town and you don’t like to shop online. Well for all I know there may be other bags as clever as this one, but on the other hand, perhaps this gray Cordura nylon marvel is indeed the perfect bag. It certainly is perfect for my needs.

Jeffrey the Barak is the publisher of the-vu and can be found efficiently carrying various small objects around in his bag.

Cruelty

Posted on November 1, 2004 by admin

By Mark Bernstein

Children can be cruel. Adults can be cruel. And I’m not talking about torture, or rape, or child abuse. I’m talking about everyday acts of cruelty which almost go unnoticed. I can remember most of the mean and cruel acts I have done in my life and those done to me, all with vivid detail.

It starts early. I remember at our little summer cottage an older boy (BC) took me under his wing and taught me cruelty. He schooled me in the art of fellatio and then used to make me give him blow jobs in the big white canvas tent between our cottages. While I did it he would tell me stories about girls he had made out with, or felt up, or fucked. After all these years I can still remember the name of one of the girls (CH) and the exotic image of her I had conjured up in my mind as I listened spellbound and a little frightened to his erotic tale. I was too dumb or vulnerable to ever question what I was being made to do.

One summer while bicycling on a country road near our cottages he and I met up with a teenage boy who seemed rather slow and had a large head. We used call him “blockhead”. Later of course I realize he had suffered from hydrocephalus (“water on the brain”) as an infant resulting in his large head and mild mental retardation.

Another summer we walked around with long metal nails which we would throw end over end like knives at frogs, trying to kill them where they sat. Fortunately our aim was very poor and I don’t remember ever hitting the mark, but the intent was there. We also had a bow and arrow and shot a crow that was attacking the nest of a robin in a haw tree in front of his cottage. But we killed the robin by mistake. We both cried. I guess BC wasn’t such a tough guy after all. I like to think that much of my bad behavior with him was due to huge influence from an older person but I guess I’ll never know. I have not seen him since I was about 14 but I have heard he became a police officer.

In public school there was an unattractive and rather slow girl from a poor family who amused us. She had a funny and unbecoming mannerism of scraping one of her oversized front teeth with the nail of her curled little finger. We used to walk around doing that and calling her “dumb H……” (we actually said her last name). I have thought of her often. To NH, if you’re reading this, I’m so sorry for being the insecure, pathetic little boy who apparently had to hurt you to feel better about himself.

I remember one of the first girls I had a crush on in public school (DB). She was quiet, gentle, ladylike, and beautiful. She was one of those girls who could walk almost without moving her legs. I loved her so much that my friends (supporting me I guess) and I used to throw stuff at her from a distance because we were such cowards. I guess it was the only way we knew of showing any feelings. One day one of our twigs cut her under the eye and the principal, who seemed seven feet tall and had eyes of steel, collected all of us together and verbally undressed us.

In high school I had a group of male friends who were apparently all as insecure and pathetic as I was. We played mean games on each other, usually using words as our weapons. I haven’t seen many of them since I left high school, wanting to put that part of my life behind me, but I did have a warm reunion with one of them a few years ago.

That same friend and I were beaten up for no reason while walking on the street in the evening as boys. We were about 13 and both small and our assailants were five or six big teenagers. Today it would have been called a swarming. They smoked, and smelled of liquor, and swore, and beat the living crap out of us. Fortunately we only got broken noses, black eyes, and loose teeth but I’ll never forget the feeling of helplessness, violation, and raw fear at being attacked for no reason.

In university one year I shared a slummy apartment with two other science geeks like me. One night we had a party and a poor social misfit we had invited left a Pink Floyd album on top of a radiator and it heated up and started to melt and was destroyed. I remember it was Pink Floyd because they’re one of my all-time favorite bands who I’ve seen live a bunch of times and own most of their CD’s. I can still remember blurting out in a loud voice to all and sundry: “Look at what R did”. He must have been mortified but I only thought about it that way sometime later. If you’re out there RS, I’m sorry. I was probably pretty wasted but that’s no excuse for gratuitous meanness.

After my B.Sc. degree I went to medical school and I don’t remember doing any cruel or mean acts since then. But I’m sure I’ve done them – I just don’t remember them. And I vividly remember some perpetrated on me. In the late 1970′s my first wife said something to me in a matter of fact way which I will always remember for how much it hurt me. And she was a gentle, kind person. I’m pretty sure it was an innocent moment of thoughtlessness. About 15 years ago I was at a Conference in a far away city and had a reunion with one of my dearest friends from medical school – we hadn’t seen each other in about 10 years. He said something cruel to me about a secret we shared in medical school – he said it as matter-of-factly as if he were talking about the weather. I guess he also meant no malice. But I was crushed and still remember the moment as if it was yesterday.

Why do we do these things to each other and why do I recall all these episodes so vividly? I do not feel I am unique in having been involved in these little acts and/or remembering them so clearly. And I challenge every reader to not remember at least one act of cruelty they did or was done to them that they would do anything to erase. I guess as we evolve we are mostly taught good values but feel the need to explore the dark side of our nature, or are too weak to fight the peer-pressure of others. Or maybe we simply feel better about ourselves by diminishing others. Or maybe we explore this behavior to learn firsthand how awful it is so we don’t make a lifelong pattern of it. I hope it’s the latter.

Mark Bernstein is a neurosurgeon at the Toronto Western Hospital and Professor of Surgery at the University of Toronto. He and his wife Lee (a native Los Angelina) have three daughters and two pet Labradors. He has written extensively in the medical literature for over 20 years and for the last few years has been trying his hand at non-medical writing. He is the world’s second worst saxophone player.