Male Version of the Truth

By S.D. Craig

I really never thought of myself as a dumb woman. I’ve been told I’m intelligent, quick and fast with my wit. Sharp, one might say. If I’m so sharp, there are some things that still don’t come out clearly in my mind.

A man might admit to you he doesn’t care for thin women. Or fake breasts. Or dyed blonde hair. Right? He wants or admires a real woman, curvy, cuddly, and voluptuous on her own. And I completely understand that, admire that opinion, in fact. Until I’m walking with that same man and see his head pivot like an owl when Miss-Plastic-Parts- Toothpick-Blonde-Tan-Woman struts by.

What is it about blondes with boobs and tans that make grown men act like 16-year old horndogs? And don’t men know how humiliating it is to be with even a male friend (whom you’re not romantically involved with) who does this as a regular habit? I’ve been in the midst of a conversation when Miss Plastic Parts walks by in a grocery store cooler aisle. She’s cold. What man would miss noticing those headlights (as they love to refer to them as)? Revolve in a tight circle just drooling over this same woman he’s described as unacceptable to him. All the while, here we are left standing watching the whole thing, ignored in mid-sentence.

Don’t tell me a woman can’t whack a man good. I’ve thought of it.

What then, is the male version of the truth? If it’s true big boobs aren’t everything, blondes aren’t IT, and thin isn’t in, well, we women deserve some explanations then. Put six gals in bikinis with equal enough endowments and make only one of them blonde, and which one will get the nod on a TV beer commercial? You guessed right. Don’t even ask me to turn on “The Man Show,” honey. I don’t go there.

Oh and I have long argued that if women can be so exposed in magazines and TV and the movies, why can’t men? Yet count the times you’ve seen a real naked man on a movie. Ho hum. And when there was one, he wasn’t worth the looking. (Sorry, Donald Sutherland and Harvey Keitel). Really, we need more female movie directors, that much is obvious.

To believe what a man says about the opposite sex, I’d have to be convinced and that would take some doing. I’ve been around long enough to see their heads spin, their eyes bulge, their breathing quicken. And if I don’t hear something that sounds logical and really genuine out of their mouths soon, I’ll teach them how to use a baseball bat. Just you wait.

SD Craig is a freelance writer and editor of and was given the nickname “Chatterbox” by fellow writers. At age fifty, Craigs Southern flair and sense of humor give her plenty to write about with a rapier wit and a wacky outlook. Her articles on body image (her biggest passion), marriage/divorce and relationships, family, friends, career issues, computers, the Internet, horses, baseball, movie reviews and writing tips remind one of Erma Bombeck or Dave Barry. A freelance writer who once juggled five columns then got real, Craig welcomes your e-mails and feedback on her articles. Drop her a hello at or stop by

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