By Rinatta Paries
A man walks down the street and falls into a hole.
A man walks down the street, sees the hole and falls in to it.
A man walk down the street, sees the hole, and walks around it.
A man walks down a different street.
Relationships are kind of like that. Knowing what the “hole” is, knowing that what you are doing is not bringing your desired results gets you only that: knowledge. Knowledge is good. It’s better than being unconscious. But can you, on your own, walk down a different street? What does it take to walk down a different street when it comes to your relationships?
Given that our relationship patterns are subconscious, deeply rooted and second nature, it may take someone other than you to identify your patterns. In order to make a radical difference in the way you relate, you literally need to see your own life through someone else’s eyes.
In a society where most of us practice the “I can do it myself” philosophy, it is difficult to allow others to look at and help you with your life. Asking for help carries a stigma. The voice in your head says, “You can do this yourself. You can read books. But don’t you dare request guidance from another person.”
On the other hand, we are in the information age. Information is power. That is, information that is applied to consistent action with passion is power. Information that sounds good with no action on your part is more stuff to beat yourself up with.
More than a decade ago, I realized the way my relationships were going would not get me what I wanted. I decided I needed help from those who know what works, and who were doing something different than I was. I proceeded to read all of the books on the market about relationships. Then I got involved in every workshop that came my way. I put aside my considerations about money and time. I let go of my fear that I might be learning from frauds. I stopped doubting and started to allow the process of participation to shape and alter who I was. I was very committed to shifting the way I approached relationships.
To me, there was nothing more important. It was not about my ability to FIND a relationship, but my ability to HAVE a healthy, vibrant relationship that became my focus. As a result, I now have the type of relationship that feeds my soul. I have a truly loving, present partner who adores me and whom I adore.
If you want a relationship that fits your ideal, your heart’s desire, I suggest you proceed on the same path. Learn from people who have what you want. Actively apply it and make your transformation your passion. Then the ideal relationship you want will come into your life.
Your Relationship Coach,
(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002 This article was originally published by Rinatta Paries in the Relationship Coach Newsletter, one of many relationship resources found at www.WhatItTakes.com. Other highlights include relationship advice, quizzes, relationship coaching and classes. Become a True Love Magnet(TM)!