Monthly Archives: September 2001

The Healing Power of Soy’s Isoflavones

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By Monique N. Gilbert

Numerous reports indicate that, because soy is high in isoflavones, it can prevent illness and promote good health.

Isoflavones are a class of phytochemicals, which are compounds found only in plants (phyto means plant).  They are also a type of phytoestrogen, or plant hormone, that resembles human estrogen in chemical structure yet are weaker.  By mimicking human estrogen at certain sites in the body, isoflavones provide many health benefits that help you to avoid disease.  Isoflavones are found in soybeans, chick peas and other legumes.  However, soybeans are unique because they have the highest concentration of these powerful compounds.  Soy contains many individual isoflavones, but the most beneficial are genistein and daidzein.

Isoflavones show tremendous potential to fight disease on several fronts.  They have been shown to help prevent the buildup of arterial plaque, which reduces the risk of coronary heart disease and stroke.

Isoflavones may help reduce breast cancer by blocking the cancer-causing effects of human estrogen.  They may also prevent prostate cancer by hindering cell growth.  Isoflavones can fight osteoporosis by stimulating bone formation and inhibiting bone resorption.  They may even relieve some menopausal symptoms as well.

Soy isoflavones have antioxidant properties which protect the cardiovascular system from oxidation of LDL (the bad) cholesterol.  Oxidized LDL cholesterol accumulates in the arteries as patches of fatty buildup which blocks the flow of blood, resulting in atherosclerosis.

Genistein inhibits the growth of cells that form this artery clogging plaque.  Arteries damaged by atherosclerosis usually form blood clots.  This can lead to a heart attack if the clot goes to the heart, or a stroke if it goes to the brain.

Being a weak form of estrogen, isoflavones can compete at estrogen receptor sites, blocking the stronger version naturally produced by the body from exerting its full effect.  Since high blood levels of estrogen are an established risk factor for breast cancer; weaker forms of estrogen may provide protection against this disease.  Genistein has been found to hinder breast cancer as well as prostate cancer.

Results from a new University of California study show that genistein slowed prostate cancer growth and caused prostate cancer cells to die.  It acts against cancer cells in a way similar to many common cancer-treating drugs.

Isoflavones also play an important role in protecting and maintaining strong and healthy bones.  Evidence shows that genistein and daidzein prevent bones from breaking down.  Independent studies conducted at the University of Illinois and the University of Hong Kong concluded that consuming soy isoflavones can increase bone mineral content and bone density.  Another study at the University of Texas suggested that isoflavones may also stimulate bone formation.

By preserving bone health, increasing bone mass and inducing bone turnover, researchers noted the potential role of soy isoflavones in preventing, and possibly even reversing, the effects of osteoporosis.

The North American Menopause Society suggests that soy isoflavones can also be a natural alternative to estrogen replacement therapy for relief of mild menopausal symptoms.  It may help offset the drop in estrogen and regulate its fluctuations that occur at menopause.  Many women have reported a reduction in their hot flashes and night sweats when they regularly consume soy foods, like tempeh or tofu.

All these findings suggest eating soy foods, natural sources of isoflavones, can protect and enhance your overall health.  Isoflavones work together with soy protein in fighting disease.  Studies show that isoflavones account for approximately three-fourths of soy’s protection, while its protein is responsible for about one-fourth.  The best way to consume isoflavones is in food form, so that you can benefit from all of soy’s nutrients and beneficial compounds.  The highest amounts of isoflavones and soy protein are found in tempeh, whole soybeans (like edamame), textured soy protein, soynuts, tofu and soymilk.  Researchers recommend consuming at least one to two servings a day.  A serving is equal to 1 ounce of soynuts; 4 ounces of tempeh, textured soy protein (cooked), or edamame; or 8 ounces of soymilk.

For those new to soy, I recommend slowly adding it to your diet, until you develop a taste for it.  In spaghetti sauces, replace ground beef with textured soy protein.  Use tofu instead ricotta cheese in lasagna, or make herb dips with it in a food processor.  Use soymilk to cream soups or make smoothies.  People on the run can always eat soynuts.  Tempeh is one of the easiest soy foods prepare.  To make a grilled tempeh sandwich, just cut it into slices, sprinkle on some soy sauce, saute with sliced onions and pile it on some bread.  Remember, you will only continue to eat healthy foods if they taste good.  So, experiment and have fun trying out new ways to enjoy soy.

To learn more about the health benefits of soy, visit the Virtues of Soy
website at http://www.geocities.com/virtuesofsoy/

About this writer: Monique N. Gilbert, B.Sc., is a Health Advocate, Certified Personal Trainer/Fitness Counselor, Recipe Developer, Freelance Writer and Author. Visit her site at http://www.geocities.com/virtuesofsoy/

Monique N. Gilbert,  Soy Food  Connoisseur, Recipe Developer and Author of… “Virtues of Soy: A Practical Health Guide and Cookbook” (Universal Publishers, 2001).

Monique N. Gilbert, B.Sc., has received international recognition for helping people get healthier, feel better, look younger and live longer. Through her coaching program and writings, Monique motivates, inspires and teaches how to naturally enhancing your health, happiness, energy and longevity with balanced nutrition, physical activity and tranquil living environments. Monique believes it is her mission to educate and enlighten everyone about the benefits of healthy eating and a vibrant stress-free lifestyle. For more information, visit her website – http://www.MoniqueNGilbert.com

Heavy Metal Sex

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By Leonardo Calcagno

The robot fetish is alive and well because some of us are having wild sex with humanoids, wind-up toys, human mannequins, mechanical dolls and other things resembling human genitals.

Digital sex is the way to the future! Plug your genitals with ultra sensitive sensors, open yourself to the possibility of the Internet and voila! You can enjoy sex with somebody in Tokyo while at home in Montreal. Digital sex is pretty far-out…. But now close your eyes. Imagine yourself caressing a beautiful humanoid body. The cold metal body presses next to your body and responds to your every command with the push of a button. Imagine licking your lips with lust when the robot from Metropolis [Fritz Lang movie] comes out on the screen or mentally undressing those Manga robots or better having wet dreams with the robot maid from the Jetsons!

If you have had this thoughts or any wet dreams of sex with a robot… well you are not alone. The robot fetish is alive and well as some of us are having wild sex with humanoids, wind-up toys, human mannequins, mechanical dolls or any mechanical being close to a human. I had the chance for an e-mail interview with David, a sexual robot fetishist, to understand the thrill of metal.

Sex with robots! I heard about dolls, but tell me why robots?

David: I don’t know! I love the perfect curve that won’t ever go away with age. The perfect doll face always smiling at you and controlling her movement…. It’s just a dazzling feeling. It’s a fascinating idea to have an extremely passive, very submissive lover that can be controled with a switch or a command.

Do you have sex with people?

I do, but it’s very rare. I rather have a robot.

Do the works of Sorayama pinups arouse you?

Oh, god yes! His images are so perfect and the union between human and machine is so sexy. There’s something about a Sorayama robot sexually that it becomes an erotica dreamland of desire and lust. You just want to kiss them and fool around with them.

Like any fetish group, do you guys have different type of robot fetishisms?

Sure. We have those who lust about robots but won’t have sex with them. There are those who have sex with robots or humanoids; and there are those who are cruel and have extreme dominant/submissive sexual play, where the robot can be dismantled in a rape scene… but those are very rare.

Why rare?

Because having sex with a robot is like having sex with a human. It has to be a passion consumed by two people with respect. There’s a preparation of flirting and love making at the same stage as humans. Of course she or he is made out of plastic or metal but there is respect.

Is there sex with a windup doll?

There are those who prefer windup dolls. Personally I don’t, because there is this time lapse that I don’t like. I prefer robots that you can plug in and with artificial intelligence that comes with emotional and sexual response circuits responding to your needs.

Can you tell me about the preparation?

You need a lot of imagination and deep desire for the robot or humanoid…. It needs to feel pampered and loved. You need to change her clothes, picking from a preset wardrobe, like a doll. Change her hair style, do her manicure. Candle dinners and spending time with the robot.

Do you have different robots to be used for different purposes?

Yes I do. I have three robots: Lucy is a blonde robot who I share my sentimental life with. She’s made out of silicon and has a beautiful doll face. Elvira is a black robot with a minimum artificial intelligence and sensors so she can moan, say “I love you” and tell my name while we are intimate. Brandy, she’s more sophisticated, she can move her lips to kiss me. She’s exactly like Elvira but when you plug her in, she heats up. Everyone has her own personality.

What is alt.sex.fetish.robots?

The alt.sex.fetish.robots (ASFR) newsgroup is dedicated to the discussion of the concept of sex with or sexual attraction to robots and robot-like beings. This can range from metallic, non-humanoid machines to humanoid androids. Discussions can deal with specific fantasies, fiction relating to the topic and connected ideas like people behaving like/turned into human mannequins, dolls, toys, and other hypnosis and mesmerism fantasies that involve the mechanical/monotone response that appeals to the members.

Isn’t all this about the “woman as sex object” thing that women’s groups complain about?

If anything, techno-sexualism is the exact opposite of the objectification of women — it’s the feminization of objects. Why force a woman to do something she doesn’t want to (something I find reprehensible) when you can create something that not only WANTS to do it, but LOVES to, because it’s what she was built for. Radical feminists are always trying to get along without men, why can’t we try the opposite? Many have said it’s the ultimate male fantasy. Guilt-free, repercussion free. A robot girl is there for you, she’ll never say no, she’ll never get tired, and she’s always pretty. But I think there’s just something lovely about a pretty girl. And the robot girl is the (il)logical end result – a girl who has no purpose other than to be pretty. To please her man (or woman, there are female members) is all she’s programmed for.

Any good movies about sex with robots?

Android – Klaus Kinski as a mad scientist on a space station who builds two androids for company, one of them a sexy blonde.

Beach Fever – Teens develop love potion, which is then stolen by gangsters who use it to turn women into prostitutes. Some of the entranced women act quite stiff and robotic. .

Blade Runner – Kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it? Little action at all, really, save for a scene where Darryl Hannah plays mannequin to trap Harrison Ford.

Cherry 2000 – Near-future SF film about a pleasure droid who malfunctions and the search for a replacement in the typical Dystopian wasteland. A few nice moves, near the beginning and right at the end.

Cybersex – Man hacks into what looks like a singles bulletin board, but is actually a control system for a female military robot. It breaks free to meet her new lover. Nice costumes and sets, a good start up or two, but not much else.

Frankenhooker – Guy’s girl dies in a lawnmower accident, and he rebuilds her using parts of hookers. Hilarious film by Frank Hennenlotter (Basket Case)

Living Doll – Porn film about a toy store full of randy dolls, including an “Electronic” woman doll, a teddy bear

Mannequin/Mannequin 2 – One woman in each film are mannequins that come to life when alone with their love.

Metropolis – The classic silent film by Fritz Lang. The Maria automaton is a classic design, and her human form is also quite sensual

Night of the Living Debbies – Nina Hartley stars in this film about a (all together now) mad scientist who builds robot sex dolls, including a robotic blowjob.

RoboSex – Aliens kidnap people, turn them into sex robots in an attempt to take over the world.

Robotrix – Hong Kong action flick about an android made in the image of a dead lady cop. Some nudity, some non-consensual sex (not by the robot though.)

Space Virgins – Porn film parody of Invaders from Mars. People are taken over by aliens and have some very impressive robotic sex.

Bionic Woman/Six Million Dollar Man – Aside from title characters, Fembots seen in assorted episodes.

Where can you get robot or humanoid porno?

Get the catalog for five bucks by writing to:
SWV Catalog
PO Box 33664
Seattle WA 98133
or call them at (206) 361-3759

Also attend many Sci-Fi and horror conventions, where many other of the films and TV shows may be found.

Leonardo Calcagno, well know writer in Montreal Canada. He’s been writing for local Canadian, Americano and European e-zines and zines in French, Spanish and English for almost 5 years. More known to get hate letters from right-wing housewives and to get into fights with promoters who don’t let him interview bands! You will mostly see him eating tofu dogs and drinking Guinness with his laptop in Montreal writing another article about politics, music and sex. Graduated with a bachelor degree in International Politics with a minor on international law… his parents are still wondering why he took on a life of sex writer! Tattooed with Che, Husker Du and ARA! Played chino-Hispanic punk on Les Kalisses D’immigrant, Trash Blues on Les Tetes Reduites and now stoner rock on Your Sister ! He contributes on Freezerbox.com, Kerozen, Indymedia.org, Stooky.com, Eroticandy.com, Biotech Montreal Action, QuebecTel, Zona de Obra and other zines!

For more of Leonardo’s work, please visit www.montrealnightguide.com and www.montrealconfidential.com

Chat Me Up, Baby!

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By S.D. Craig

What has the big bad world of the internet done?  Oh my goodness. The world where you can meet a future spouse online. I tripped into IRC one day in June, 1996, unaware what a chat program was.  Interesting concept, this chatting by myself in a room on a chair in front of a screen.  But what’s this you say?  I’m chatting with other people doing the same?  Wow.  Okay.  As time progressed, I began to fall in with the regulars, and understand a bit about the whole process.

You could be whomever you wanted to be online. You could be female, five foot two and black, and tell the other chatter you were a six-foot white male. You could drive a BMW, instead of a tuna boat. Very interesting.

I am here to address the untruths about the untruths on chat programs. When you are on a computer, you can lie, cheat, steal, plagiarize, be an idiot, or start flame wars until God swoops down to get you. First timers on chat are appalled at some of the things that can go on.  Don’t be naive.  There are idiots everywhere in the world.  Even on your computer.  Yes, even in your church.  The good news?  They can’t get to you unless you’re being a naive fool.

My confusion with the entire uproar of the past few years over internet meetings between friends is simple. What is so very different about it? Yes, the concept is uniquely new.  I’ll give you that. Having met my husband in a most innocent way on this chat program, I do feel I should explain to the non-chatters out there. It’s my duty.

On the internet you will have opportunities to meet people.  It is up to you to use your common sense. If you lack in this area, then have a few good friends help you out with their feedback. I say friends because families see red when it comes to these things. Trust me, I know. What I enjoyed about the idea of internet meetings was not the blind-date thing, but that I could do it on my own terms.  I could chat with a guy a year (or two) before I allowed him to come meet me.  This would, of course, weed out the ones who weren’t interested in the real me.  I could use a fake name, nickname, or whatever.  Tell him I lived in Arkansas when I’m in Utah.  There are any number of things an enterprising single person can do.  It just takes some reality checks, and a reasonably sane person.

You can meet a man in a bar claiming to be single with a wedding band in his pocket, can’t you?  What makes that any less risky?  I’d say it was a lot riskier.

If you arrange an internet meeting, do it where you are comfortable. Before this happens, I’d advise knowing this person’s numbers both at work and home, and verifying they work.  Knowing where he/she works, lives, their real name.  Make sure they know your sister or friend knows all the information, too. Have a friend, if you’re nervous, meet there with you, or spy from the sidelines.  Whatever makes it work for you. I’ve met a few people at a time before, and we’ve gone dancing and it was great. You can exchange photos on the internet. If someone thinks to send you a Meg Ryan or Brad Pitt look-alike photo — well, the truth can’t be hidden upon meeting, now, can it? Also, I suggest for your ease, try to meet them in a channel listed for your area, i.e. #California if that’s where you live.  Just ask around in the chat program channels, if you’re not sure how to do this.

Huge phone bills and that whole long-distance thing is NO fun.  But I’ve known people that were in New Zealand to hook up with a New Yorker. Anything can happen on the internet. Once you’ve met or even talked on the phone, the chat thing doesn’t seem the same as before. If you’re two thousand miles apart, it can suffice. I know that, too.

My main concern is that with the ease of using the chat programs and the thousands that are out there, I just hope that you’ll use some savvy in your dealings.

I know for me, approaching middle-age and being thrown into the single world once again, I had no idea how or where to date.  Most of my friends were married or tied down.  I lived in a small country town. You get the picture. IRC opened up a whole new world of people to me, and if you’re a writer, you can do real well on there. You’ll be noticed and make friends quickly.

It’s up to you how to cultivate that scenario.  Just be safe.

SD Craig is a freelance writer and editor of LovingYourCurves.com and was given the nickname “Chatterbox” by fellow writers. At age fifty, Craigs Southern flair and sense of humor give her plenty to write about with a rapier wit and a wacky outlook. Her articles on body image (her biggest passion), marriage/divorce and relationships, family, friends, career issues, computers, the Internet, horses, baseball, movie reviews and writing tips remind one of Erma Bombeck or Dave Barry. A freelance writer who once juggled five columns then got real, Craig welcomes your e-mails and feedback on her articles. Drop her a hello at sdcraig922@yahoo.com or stop by www.lovingyourcurves.com.

Dinky Dog and Me

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By S.D.Craig

This article is a response to Nikki the Dog’s article: Claws In The Floor

Could someone, anyone, tell me why a tiny dog thinks they’re so big? A vet once told me my little dog had no idea he wasn’t as large as a Doberman. Isn’t that interesting?

It may explain why he’s nearly gotten me killed on several occasions while walking.

He’s a whopping 9 pound Pomeranian furball. Just don’t tell him that. He has no idea.

I remember the day I was walking along a residential country road, listening to Sawyer Brown on the headphones, Nikki in tow. My arm felt a tug so I turned. A mixed breed dog of some sort, much larger than Nik, was about to dissect his haunches with barred teeth. Being surprised as I was (I hadn’t heard a thing), I just yanked the leash up high in the air.

Poor Nikki. He had the ride of his life, but at least, no teeth sank into his small frame. Hell, they would probably have had trouble finding skin through all that hair.

Actually, I am not sure whether it is hair or fur. What determines that distinction? I’m asking my husband as my fingers fly, and we aren’t quite sure. Any ideas?

Our walks got to the point that if he was coming along, we were going to be hoofing it on the high school track. Tired of being chased by Rottweilers as big as a small car or having dogs run along the fence barking as if I was their long lost mama — it all lost its appeal at 7:00 in the morning. Neighbors wake up, then yell.

The track it is. Now my biggest problem was trying to train the dog when to dispense of his food. First, he did that in the car, until I discovered he can’t eat, then ride.

My fear on the track was that he’d eliminate more than water, there in front of all the other walkers and the teenagers. And who would have to clean this lovely specimen up? Why, me. Yes, I have that kind of face. Make me do all things embarrassing. That’s what I’m convinced it says to people and animals.

How do you train a dog not to crap? Or, at least, not in certain places. I’m into my 4th (or is it 5th) decade now, and I haven’t figured that one out. I need serious help here.

When my daughters and I went to purchase a puppy one Christmas eve, 1992, he was the only one left. We walked around the corner and there he stood. A two-pound fluff, blinking innocent brown eyes up at us. We aahed in unison, and had to own him.

“Is he potty-trained?” I asked. A perfectly normal question.

“Yes, he is,” the breeder lady said.

Great, one thing I didn’t have to worry about.

That is, at least until I got our new puppy home. She lied. Can you return a puppy because he doesn’t know the rules? I don’t think so.

This dog of ours loves to ride in the car. For the most part, he has no clue how to do so. He used to run the full length of my mini-van and drive me nuts. Troll up and down every seat, every window, bouncing around like a dog on Metabolife. Had to make certain his nose print slobber was on each and every window.

Now, I drive a Taurus, and he must be more sedate. That or we drive into the back of the car in front of us. I make him sit nicely on the front seat, or sometimes on the floor, if he’s bothering me. A bother defined is his feeling rambunctious when I don’t.

Dogs. What would we do without their companionship? I am not sure, but I damn well know I wouldn’t be making trips to PetSmart, PetCo, and the groomers so often. Small fortunes have been lost in those places. By me.

Matching dog dishes are not a necessity but they look so neat the same color, with the non-skid bottoms on them. I knew Nikki had to have them, couldn’t live without them. I saw that look in his eyes.

They do skid. Right now, his water dish is on the matching teal-colored placemat, nicely provided by PetSmart for a fee, while the dog food dish has slid across the floor some two feet away. He’s feeling rambunctious again, I guess.

My dog even has to eat weird. He eats when we eat most of the time. At other times, he eats when he knows we want it quiet. That is when he carts somewhere around eleven small bits of dry dog food in his mouth to right in front of the television, drops it all on the newly-vacuumed carpet, and proceeds to crunch. Loudly. Why? Why not eat over your dish like we humans do? I haven’t figured this one out yet.

You never see a horse do that. No, they’re not about to leave their hay bin to let another buddy scoot up in their place.

Dogs, I have discovered, are a very different breed. I would stay and chat more, but I hear him tipping over his dish with his paw. That means the food is now scattered across my tile floor, because he doesn’t LIKE it in the dish. He wants it everywhere, spread out for his perusal. I don’t understand. The pieces all look the same size to me. But what do I know? I’m only his human.

Remind me of this next time, when I think Eddie on Frasier is adorable and I think I need one just like him. Instead, send me to watch dogs on TV, if I need a fix.

About the writer:

SD Craig is a freelance writer and editor of LovingYourCurves.com and was given the nickname “Chatterbox” by fellow writers. At age fifty, Craigs Southern flair and sense of humor give her plenty to write about with a rapier wit and a wacky outlook. Her articles on body image (her biggest passion), marriage/divorce and relationships, family, friends, career issues, computers, the Internet, horses, baseball, movie reviews and writing tips remind one of Erma Bombeck or Dave Barry. A freelance writer who once juggled five columns then got real, Craig welcomes your e-mails and feedback on her articles. Drop her a hello at sdcraig922@yahoo.com or stop by www.lovingyourcurves.com.

Fat Habitat

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By S.D. Craig

In reading a fellow author’s article this morning about loving fat people, it got me started again. Yep, you got it. On my favorite subject. Weight. Or anything to do with someone who has what the world considers a weight problem.

Is there a reason that people need titles or names, other than their given one? Explain this to me, would you?

Why must we point out that a woman who was rude to us today at Wal-Mart was black? Or that this crazy driver was Asian? Or the bank teller who was so slow was white trash, it seemed? Then again, it leads me to my point.

Why must someone be categorized at all? Isn’t this racism? And isn’t there a category for the person claiming all these things?

If we say, look at that heavy-set man over there eating the two ice cream cones, why was that necessary? As easily explained in saying he is wearing Teva sandals or brown shorts that are too long? How about “Look at the guy eating two ice cream cones?” Better yet.

Why must one be so specific, to the point that is it considered rude or racist or downright bad manners? I don’t understand it, but I know I’m guilty, too, at times.

This must be the week for admitting I’m not perfect or always sweet.

Writing an article that states that you love fat people, well, let’s face it — the word is abrasive to me. Maybe because I’m considered one of “them.” It offends me to be singled out this way. How about, I just love people of all ages, types, natures, and nationalities?

For me, that is a much better choice, and one nobody can argue much with.

To say I love skinny people, tall people, fat people, people with straight hair, come on. In being so damned specific, you are telling me there’s a problem somewhere in there down deep.

I guess it reverts back to that old song about loving your brother.

Why can’t we all just get along?

SD Craig is a freelance writer and editor of LovingYourCurves.com and was given the nickname “Chatterbox” by fellow writers. At age fifty, Craigs Southern flair and sense of humor give her plenty to write about with a rapier wit and a wacky outlook. Her articles on body image (her biggest passion), marriage/divorce and relationships, family, friends, career issues, computers, the Internet, horses, baseball, movie reviews and writing tips remind one of Erma Bombeck or Dave Barry. A freelance writer who once juggled five columns then got real, Craig welcomes your e-mails and feedback on her articles. Drop her a hello at sdcraig922@yahoo.com or stop by www.lovingyourcurves.com.

Fizzrail and Ballystein

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By Jeffrey the Barak

Once upon a time there was a land in the Middle East that contained a variety of ancient peoples. There weren’t a lot of people by today’s standards, about as many as you might find in a small country town in Yorkshire or California, but there they were, white, brown and black tribal people who had migrated to the land which was eventually to become Fizzrail or Ballystein, depending on your point of view.

Technology imported from the Far East, Africa and the future Iraq enabled these exceptionally intelligent and beautiful primitives to develop a widespread agricultural society. Although they were of a variety of racial backgrounds, they were essentially one nation. They lived in peace together apart from the occasional territorial squabble, which at worst, led to a bout of warlike activity resulting in the deaths of a few hundred young adult males here and there.

Unfortunately something happened around three and a half thousand years ago that spoiled the whole thing. That thing which happened is known today as monotheism, or belief in one God. As far as we can tell, no one in our inconceivably ancient world ever believed in God until around a mere three and a half thousand years ago. The intellectuals at the time devised a whole new world history and using the best knowledge available from their discussions they decided to figure out the age of the universe from the time of its “creation” until their present time. The result of which can be seen today in the Glueish calendar year of 5760.

Anyway, some of the people in the region, missed out on this new fad and so it came to pass that some people ended up being Glueish, and some hereto identical people ended up becoming the local Larabs.

As time went by, a lot of the Glueish people decided to leave and spread themselves around their flat world with its heaven in the sky above. Some went to Southern India and ended up disappearing. Some went to China and also disappeared. Some went to Ethiopia, but it’s said that the Ethiopian Glues might actually have joined in the fun in more recent years. Many went to Spain, and many more went to Russia and Eastern Europe, including a large number of tiny countries that would eventually become Germany.

A lot of people were a little unsettled by the Glues and their different way of doing things so in many cases mass murders were used to make the locals feel better. This became quite a tradition, celebrated even today by ugly white kids with very short hair.

But even bigger than all of that, the next big thing happened back in Fizzrail and Ballystein. An exceptionally cool intellectual by the name of Cheezers popped up and made a whole bunch of people feel great with his radical new concepts based on peace and love. The ideas seemed to be free of charge at first, but there was a hidden price. Just as with Gluedyism a millennium and a half earlier, the followers of Cheezers had to suspend their disbelief and therefore their rationality by using a tool known as faith and accept wholeheartedly the idea of an all-powerful being who had created everything in the universe.

After Cheezers had been executed in the usual disgusting barbaric manner of the day, his followers decided to spread his word using militant political methods. Using fear they converted millions of people to the new belief system. The converts were afraid not only of the foretold consequences of not joining the gang, but also of the swords and other weaponry that the spreaders of the new idea were only too pleased to use on those who demonstrated any reluctance to convert.

The third part of the puzzle came about six hundred years later. Another amazing character called Moe, launched his Election 622 tour and succeeded in creating the third major religion, Hisbam.

So the stage was set in old Fizzrail and Ballystein. Three big ideas known as Gluedyism, Krispysanity and Hisbam coexisted to divide the people who had so recently been all the same. And the leaders and officers of those three great organizations enjoyed immense power over the lives, minds and wallets of the people and their governments.

Despite this, as time went on, the world as a whole became a better place for humans to live. Illnesses could be cured, inventions could be used, average life spans increased dramatically and at no time did the future ever look darker than the past.

But while all this was happening there was also the dark side. Wars took place between the armies of people who imagined they were different from each other in some way. Various kinds of people were massacred and exterminated for a variety of reasons. People grouped together with the people most like themselves until a situation was reached where if you were to ask someone to describe themselves, the first thing they would say would be something like, “I’m black/white/Glueish/Hisbamic/Krispyan etc. Oh and by the way I’m a doctor and I have one eye.”

After the biggest incident of selective murder in the mid 20th Century, during which millions and millions of people were murdered, including, but not limited to, six million Glues, the politicians of the day got together and decided that it would be nice if some of the surviving Glues could go back to the approximate location of their origins and create a new place to live called Fizzrail.

Unfortunately, some people from the ancient times, who never really left, were still there. They thought the place was called Ballystein. Anyway using amazing ingenuity, the Glues created a beautiful place out of an ancient and ugly mess. The new Fizzrail was like a paradise if you didn’t think too hard about it or look too closely.

Choosing to ignore the far left Socialist politics, the constant threat of war with the neighbors, and the terrible segregation that immediately existed with the creation of the nation, world leaders fell in love with the new Fizzrail with its industry and army and air force and beautiful teenage girl soldiers in miniskirts and little shorts.

The wealthy Glues in America and England poured money into the nation and retired to condominiums there and absorbed the local point of view through the local and world media.

However, some of the Ballysteinans were exiled abroad with deeds to land that they no longer owned. Land that was now covered by a whole new world.

And in Fizzrail, hidden things went on, which would eventually enrage the native Ballysteinans. For example, an entire Ballysteinan town would have to wait a week for its municipal water supply to be turned on for two hours, and then off again until the following week, while right next door a Fizzraily resort would be enjoying its green lawns and swimming pools.

Something had to give, and now we are here in August 2001. It seems that only a hereto-unknown genius would have any chance at averting an impending festival of death. Thousands of these fictitious Fizzrailys and Ballysteinans are about to die in an ever-escalating hatefest.

If this were real, if there really was a Fizzrail, or a Ballystein, it would be a terrible thing to watch.

So what about the real world? Taking the population as a whole we have approximately 33% Christians, 18% Moslems and 1/3% (a third of one per cent) Jews. What would happen if everyone suddenly woke up one morning and felt nothing but love for their fellow Man? What if all the hate would just suddenly vanish? What if they woke up the second morning and suddenly they didn’t believe in God anymore, just like a few thousand years ago before anyone had thought of God in the first place?

I don’t think that would be possible in our fictitious lands of Fizzrail and Ballystein, but it would be a beautiful thing if it were to happen in the real world!

Important note: The above tale is a work of light fiction. Any similarity to any actual place, race, Superbeing, religion or historical sequence of events is purely coincidental.