the-vu

By Leonardo Calcagno

The best way to for a guy to know the secrets of womanhood is to go to school. Just like some women need to get closer with their sexuality because of social or personal repression, men also can benefit from a bit of libido lessons. Sexuality is part of humanity and we are all very horny all the time, especially guys who, alas, don’t know shit about women. I went and talked to Dorrie Lane, the director of Vulva University. She will helps us refresh our sex lives and make us all vulvalutionaries. Her classes are mostly for women, but guys are welcome to join.

Leonardo: What’s Vulva University?

Dorrie Lane: Vulva University is an education site for sex through the eyes of women. It is primarily focussed on women’s issues around sex, all kinds of sex. All of our instructors are women. The 3 R’s of Vulva University are: Refresh your libido, Rejuvenate your sexual desire, and Realize your sexual potential.

…and House O’Chicks?

House O’Chicks is my company I started 10 years ago, to respond to the negative images of women as sexual beings. I am producing a video encyclopedia of “Sex Through the Eyes of Women,” to help dispel those negative images for women. I also created the Wondrous Vulva Puppet to give expression to our sexual feelings.

Is their something wrong with girls and their sexuality?

There is nothing wrong with girls and their sexuality, it’s society’s attitude, the media’s influence on body images of women and the way sex or sexuality is referenced by the powerful moral and media machines. Girls are getting the wrong or no message at all.

If you want to enroll to your university, what are the conditions?

Enrollment is free, and open to everyone, you register and select how you want to receive the classes, either online with a password into the lessons or through your email. You can select any class you want. We have a discussion board for each class too.

How can women develop their sexual potential?

First by not feeling negative or shameful about sex, then to experience the positive and self-healing aspects of sex. So many women are sexual in very limiting ways, many to satisfy others and not themselves. Many are limiting their experiences because of the “whore/madonna” label, (not the pop icon, she is vulvalutionary) or guilt and shame. Sex is used as a weapon too, which is contrary to the love potential.

Can you give us some pointers in masturbation?

Sure, the first pointer is the ability to understand your body through masturbation, how it responds to different touch in different places. Another area of exploration is the process of healing yourself through masturbation. I’m talking about menstrual cramps, sadness, headaches, common aches and pains not cancers and serious diseases, I don’t want you to get the impression that masturbation is that powerful, but on a deeper level, self loving is the basis for a loving life. In the masturbation class, which I teach, I stress the importance of self acceptance, of releasing shame, and of course plenty of techniques and resources.

…and the G-Spot?

A woman needs to know she has one first, then she needs to know how to keep it healthy. The G-spot is highly controversial because the medical books that most med. schools use haven’t been updated in well over 50 years and the sexual anatomy of women is outdated, so of course the 2-3 hours of sexual anatomy med. students receive is no great asset to providing good information and therefore, supporting its existence.

…and your class “Lesbian Sex 101″?

This class is an introduction to Lesbian sex, the teachers, Mikaya Heart and Kyree Klimist are sensitive to and speak to women who are curious about the social and emotional aspects of being with a woman sexually. The advance courses go into more detail on the sexual levels and techniques. Again, all the courses are presented in a non-judgemental way.

Do you think that men have a lack of sexual education?

I think EVERYONE has a lack of sexual education.

Do you have any famous Vulva student’s?

I don’t reveal my student’s names or identity.

What does a lack of sexual knowledge do to men and women?

It restrains your potential, it creates confusion on many levels, for women, who equate sex with love, it can be emotionally damaging. For men, who equate sex with power, a lack of sexual knowledge can leave them powerless.

Where can we enroll?

You can enroll at http://www.houseochicks.com/

Leonardo Calcagno, well know writer in Montreal Canada. He’s been writing for local Canadian, Americano and European e-zines and zines in French, Spanish and English for almost 5 years. More known to get hate letters from right-wing housewives and to get into fights with promoters who don’t let him interview bands! You will mostly see him eating tofu dogs and drinking Guinness with his laptop in Montreal writing another article about politics, music and sex. Graduated with a bachelor degree in International Politics with a minor on international law… his parents are still wondering why he took on a life of sex writer! Tattooed with Che, Husker Du and ARA! Played chino-Hispanic punk on Les Kalisses D’immigrant, Trash Blues on Les Tetes Reduites and now stoner rock on Your Sister ! He contributes on Freezerbox.com, Kerozen, Indymedia.org, Stooky.com, Eroticandy.com, Biotech Montreal Action, QuebecTel, Zona de Obra and other zines!

For more of Leonardo’s work, please visit www.montrealnightguide.com and www.montrealconfidential.com

By Cynthia Bellai

Do you know “Ed,” the bowling alley lawyer? He caught his wife fooling around with the postman, went back to his hometown, ran into the girl he had a crush on in high school, bought the local bowling alley as an excuse to stay near her, and found his legal services to be in demand. Ed and I have a lot in common, except the part about being a lawyer. And the part about the wife and the girl. Still, the bond between us is strong because Ed owns a bowling alley and I want to own one.

Lest anyone get the wrong idea, my epiphany came to me long before NBC’s hit show began airing last fall. I have friends who can attest to it. I can even remember the moment the idea smacked me right in the head. I was attending a friend’s birthday party at a very cool, very tiny bowling alley in Montrose, having a great time, when I suddenly thought (and I believe I even said it out loud), “Telluride needs a bowling alley.”

Now I need to explain a little something about Telluride. Located in southwest Colorado, it’s about one mile long and half a mile wide, over 9,000 feet above sea level, and has a local population of approximately 1500 (not counting the dogs that seem to be in abundance there). Being an old mining town, the main activity of any evening is drinking. No kidding. There’s at least fifteen bars in this little box canyon retreat.

To date I have never seen a town more beautiful than Telluride, which is why I have been going back there consistently for the last ten years. But there’s more to my desire for having a business there than living in such wonderful territory. I truly believe that Telluride needs a bowling alley. They have plenty of outdoor activities—skiing, hiking, horseback riding, rock climbing, mountain biking, fishing, hang gliding, etc. But what is there to do on a rainy day? Not much, except go to the movies. Same with the evenings. And what about folks like me who want to have fun without expending a lot of physical energy? Again, we’re relegated to the bars or the movies. There is plenty of space available for an alternative recreational activity.

But the other reason why Telluride has such an attraction for me is its community. Unlike more urban settings—where people live close together physically but on different planets socially—or more rural settings where people may share the same concerns but live miles apart, Telluride seems to have a living, breathing community heart. The people of the town are close both physically and socially. They play together, work together, and solve (or debate!) community issues together. They certainly don’t always agree, but they do try to improve and preserve the spirit of Telluride. That’s the kind of town that I would like to be a part of. And those are the kind of people I’d like my bowling alley to serve—families, neighbors, co-workers, and everybody’s children. And for the most part, bowling is a group activity. It’s just not that much fun when you bowl by yourself. You need your friends and family around to tease you relentlessly about your gutter balls.

So what steps have I taken toward my goal? Not many, unless you count a lot of daydreaming. A couple of months ago I decided I needed a second job, and it occurred to me that for wanting to own a bowling alley so badly, I knew absolutely nothing about it. I started applying for jobs at bowling alleys in the Los Angeles area until I finally found one at the lovely  Mar Vista Lanes. Now I can learn and observe from the inside, so that I can one day fit all the pieces together.

To be perfectly honest with you, I never considered my desire to own a bowling alley to be unusual. It was just an idea that occurred and then continued to grow on me. But the few people I’ve mentioned it to have been fascinated by both the idea of doing it and by the idea of me doing it. I suppose it’s a profession that most people don’t even consider. I do remember when I was very, very young, my first best friend’s grandparents owned a bowling alley. And while I also thought that was unusual, I think I felt that way because they were the only people I knew who actually owned a business. Most of the adults I knew at the time just worked for different companies.

What I find to be amusing about the whole idea is that I am neither a good bowler nor an avid bowler. Even now that I’m working at a bowling alley, I rarely bowl. A great score for me is 90 (out of a possible 300). I can’t bowl for beans. But it doesn’t matter, because I have just as much fun doing it if I score 10 or 300. And that, to me, is the undeniably best thing about bowling—you can have a great time whether you suck or excel at the game. (Not to mention the fact that it has been unscientifically proven that drinking improves your bowling score.  What other sport can claim that?)

So slap a pair of red, white and blue shoes on me and call me hooked—the world of bowling is calling my name and the San Juan Mountains are beckoning this mountain mama home. With a lot of luck, a lot of hard work, and a lot of community support, you and I will be bowling in Telluride!

(Many thanks to the Montrose Bowling Alley for the initial inspiration.)

When not working at the splendiferous Mar Vista Lanes in Los Angeles or the equally enchanting Avalon Transportation Company, Cynthia Bellai can usually be found lounging around Mexico or Colorado, not working on her Master’s thesis.

Breaking into the Market: The New School Entrepreneurs
By Vert James

In a time when gas prices are driving the masses back to the days of carpooling and public transit, a name like Vespa is reforming itself to mean more of a transportation alternative than a piece of nostalgia. Scooters are just beginning to receive major attention right now in the US and for more reasons than our tradition of stealing anything that is cool and European. With gas prices and traffic through the roof, the scooter market is set to explode.

Many Americans have already heard about Vespa coming back into the market with a new corporate feel and slick boutiques featuring classic models and cappuccino machines at every location. However, the hot topic in the scooter scene is the name Malaguti. Unless you are a fan of elite motor engine and body models, or a connoisseur of sought after Italian quality, you are probably unfamiliar with this brand of scooters. This will soon change.

Malaguti is Italy’s third largest scooter brand and was recently introduced into the US market by a group of young, energetic college grads from the University of Florida. Apparently, college got boring after the first two years and it only seemed logical to these real-world newborns to start a business. Today, their communal attitude and youthful spirit continue to drive Malaguti USA forward at a mind-blowing rate. The company’s focus is to stick to the young, growing scooter crowd and offer Italian Scooters at American prices. While Vespa’s new US models start at $3,000, the Malaguti’s average $2700. They have also embraced the traditional scooter crowd, ensuring an incredible amount of street credibility, something the young executives noticed that Vespa lost when it sued small Vespa shop owners last year for name infringement. “Sure we want to make a buck,” said Ian Kirby, a Malaguti USA marketing executive, “but we’ve seen not only the scooter market, but most all of America, turn into a pathetic corporate wasteland.

At Malaguti USA we’ve embraced the extremely simple idea that if everyone is happy, from my coworkers to our customers, then we can’t go wrong.” This philosophy seems to be carrying Kirby and the rest of Malaguti USA to the top of their game faster than they realize.

How Malaguti Arrived In the States

Growing up in Miami, Joel Martin recognized scooters, a vehicle analogous with a European lifestyle, as part of his everyday being. Helping father Froilan and grandfather Manuel run a small scooter outlet in Miami, Martin became a natural expert in motor scooters and the related business. In college, he was approached by Malaguti and was asked to do American market research for the Italian firm. His college career was already highlighted by marketing internships at companies like Coke and Sony and so it came naturally to him to try to find a market for the Italian scooters. After consideration and the following realization of the huge potential for an American scooter market, Martin asked his friends Chris Esposito and Ian Kirby for help in looking for marketing opportunities for scooters in the US. Immediately, Esposito, Kirby and Martin turned their small DJ entertainment company that they ran for extra cash into a PR firm for the Malaguti scooter empire. In January they launched the Malaguti USA brand and have been hard under pressure to keep up with demand since they started.

When questioned about the birth and development Malaguti USA, Esposito said, “Most of our friends left college regretting the fact that they didn’t drink enough beer. I left regretting that I didn’t turn my DJ business into a PR firm that handles international accounts earlier. I couldn’t have asked for a better situation—my hobby has turned into my career.” Kirby added, “Everyday, we wake up and know that we are making our living doing exactly what we want to do. California is whining about the energy crisis but we’re loving it. It’s funny, people didn’t think scooters would sell, but now that gas prices are up everyone wants an Italian scooter.”

Since Graduation they have been turning down jobs left and right. The trio has omitted positions at marketing firms and youth-oriented websites. “The temptation’s always there—job security, company cars—that sort of thing, but that’s submitting to the rat race. Where’s the adventure?” Joel Martin, president of Malaguti USA asked. He continued, “We’re actually pretty lucky that we haven’t hopped on any of the corporate opportunities that have been offered to us. All my friends who left for the dot com field are now looking for jobs; we followed our hearts and were doing okay. It’s not about money.”

While the classically trained businessman would most likely frown upon the Malaguti USA marketing and promotional strategy, many established marketing experts are highly impressed by the innovative approach the young firm uses to promote itself. Their first event was the Indiana Motorcycle show at the RCA dome in February. While companies like Yamaha and Harley Davidson had expensive and flashy setups, the Malaguti team knew they would need something more if they were to attract the attention they were looking for. Using industry connections, their booth included a light show and a constant live performance by DJ Factor E who recently went on the road with the MTV Campus Invasion Tour. The Malaguti booth received national rave reviews and was voted one of the best booths at the event.

Their second event soon followed in March with Playboy Magazine’s Spring Break on South Padre Island, Texas. Playboy Playmates paraded around the island for the entire week on the hottest new scooter brand around. Esposito, Kirby and Martin personally escorted the Playboy limousine wherever the Playmates went on the island. The event received international headlines in the motorcycle and scooter press, on top of being featured on Playboy.com.

Malaguti USA opened its US headquarters in Miami, Florida where Martin’s family scooter shop was located. Malaguti SpA has been so impressed by Martin’s work, it extended Martin’s contract and asked him to set up all of North America to receive the giant scooter brand. His first mission was to send out Kirby and Esposito to open up the West Coast offices. Before this could happen, the Malaguti events reached the ear of Playboy’s president Cindy Rakowitz who offered to take on the Malaguti cause. She hired Chris Esposito as her Event and Program Coordinator for a new Marketing, PR company called RakNRoll (www.RakNRoll.com) Thanks to the new PR firm Malaguti is now making a name for itself outside of the scooter crowd. “With RakNRoll’s help we will be able to develop the brand to the point where it’s at in Europe in a shorter time. People know that Italian scooters are the best there is in style and quality, and it’s up to us to show them there’s more out there than just Vespa,” commented Esposito.

The next large event featuring Malaguti will be the Ducati World Weekend in Nevada this October. Hundreds of thousands of motorcycle fans will flock to the Vegas racetrack from all over the world to participate in the event. Malaguti USA just reached an exclusive licensing deal and promotional agreement with Ducati North America to be its official scooter. Malaguti will also be launching a line of limited edition US Ducati replica scooters for collectors this fall, all of which will have high exposure at the World Weekend.

In the meantime, Esposito, Kirby and Martin continue to run Malaguti USA in their own particular manner. Said Kirby, “It’s not an issue of Malaguti adjusting to the business and consumer here; it’s an issue of us retraining the American market to embrace the product we have and the way we do business. And it couldn’t be going better.” With that Kirby had to excuse himself. He said that he was on his way to the beach to meet Esposito—in the middle of the business day. “That’s what we do. We run our business on the precept that if we’re happy ourselves then everyone else will be happy with us.” Martin emphasized this in a separate interview saying, “At Malaguti we like to think that if it’s not getting better, you’re not doing it right.” After a laugh he said, “Well, it’s getting better.”

Not bad for a few kids who three months ago were looking for change to order a pizza.

All pictures courtesy of Malaguti USA

A novelist and scooter enthusiast, Vert James’ one goal in life is to be credited with inventing the bumper sticker slogan: I’d Rather Be…