By Lauri Jean Crowe

Losing your cherry. This isn’t a matter of it falling off the spoon of your ice cream sundae, it’s about losing your virginity. It’s about the first time you have penetrative sex. It’s about being a teenager or a young adult. It’s about being scared and fascinated and for me it was about curiosity and boredom. I was a late bloomer. Although most of my friends were having sex from middle school on, some of those accompanied by teen pregnancies, I didn’t even think about boys, or girls.

In my first year of college I didn’t think much about sex either. But it apparently thought about me a lot, whispering in the minds of my dorm mates and men at the clubs where I danced with my friends. Finally, at nineteen I decided to “do it”. I’m not sure why, I was just kind of bored and curious – two reasons which aren’t especially good for having sex. I also wanted to see what all the hype was about, and have it over with. The big deal of virginity suddenly became a burden and I wanted it over with. But, having no steady relationship I had no idea how to go about it. I was naive, half the time I didn’t even know that men were interested in me until jealous girlfriends would approach me full claws ready for a fight.

However, one Thursday night I simply had sex. I was at the bar with some of my friends, most of whom were male. Bonz, our resident stoner was there, and Craig the guy who played drums and lived in my dorm, Rick who I played gin rummy with when I was too drunk to care that I didn’t know how, Killer who was so named because he was such a meek and wimpy fellow, and then there was Dave. Dave was the new guy, one of Bonz friends from his fraternity and who liked to dance as much as I did. We had been drinking quarter beers for almost two hours and INXS came on playing “What You Need”. Cheesy as that song was, Dave and I hobbled out on the dance floor and danced to it and suddenly he pulled me down and kissed me. Now, when I say pulled me down I mean literally to the floor because I’ almost six foot two and he was maybe five foot six on tippy toe. Still, it felt good.

We didn’t finish the dance but soon went home because they cut off the quarter beer and we were buzzed enough as it was. In the car, Dave kept flirting with me, pawing at me and when he ended up getting out with Craig and I we just ended up in my room on the daybed kissing. Next thing you know, clothes are on the floor and I realize that my roommate Wendy who’s been watching TV had decided to go into the other room. Poor Wendy, the girl who had so much facial hair she actually had a beard had to be privy to my drunken first lust.

Sex was awkward. He was very short and I was very tall and we were both drunk. Mainly I recall flailing around a lot, laughing and kissing. We at some point ended up in the bathroom because my other roommate Ronda had come back from the bar and couldn’t locate her keys. We let her in and locked ourselves in the bathroom where we somehow managed actual penetration up against the bathroom sink. From that point it was a few thrusts and it was over in seeming minutes although my roommates later told me we made quite a racket for over an hour. It was unprotected sex. When we were finished we got dressed, he gave me his number, promised to call and he left. I went across the hall to play cards with some friends and in the middle of an excellent had of Euchre announced that I had just had sex for the first time.

There were drunk too and thought this was incredibly funny. We laughed about it and I voiced that it was no big deal, and was I missing something because it hadn’t seemed that great although it felt good enough. This brought more laughter. Later all of us dormies were out at a party and I saw Dave. He wondered why I was avoiding him and hadn’t answered his calls. I told him it just wasn’t that great for me. He was stunned and kept asking people for months if I was pregnant or something, because he just couldn’t get why I wasn’t calling him back.

I hope that others out there have had better first experiences with sex and didn’t just do it because they were bored. I hope there still exists the quaint couple who get to be each others first partners and experience the mysteries of sex through sober, loving eyes. For me, it was no big deal which I suppose in some ways worked in my favor. I didn’t become the promiscuous dorm girl that many of my friends did doing everyone in the dorm. I actually held off having sex for almost another year until I was in a loving relationship and that’s when I found what I truly enjoy about sex which is the partnership of the act.

Looking back I don’t regret that first time, but I do wish I had been smarter. I was lucky. I came away from it unscathed, with no sexually transmissible disease; no pregnancy, no after effects except a great game of Euchre which wasn’t uncommon for me anyhow. Others out there aren’t so lucky. If you’re thinking about having sex for the first time, think hard, don’t just think about his hardness or her softness. Think with your mind, not your loins. Sex does have consequences and your first time will no doubt place a certain image of sex in your mind which will hold through in your other relationships. Be careful. Be aware. Be sober. But, most of all don’t give that cherry to the first spoon that comes along ready to taste your forbidden fruits.

Lauri Jean Crowe is a freelance writer known for such diverse topics as dreams, sexuality, gardening, health and parenting. She is a freelance writer, artist and designer living in Michigan, USA.